There's a part of me that just really hates how I do things. I want to forget about the past and move on but I could never do that....I want to block and forget the people that treat me like a stranger now but I can't because of that stupid fucking bond that we had.....I swear I treated those people like they were family....trusted them with all of the things that I wanted and yet here I am....alone with my thoughts haunting me....always being alone and afraid of how the hell I function every single day. I hate that I do this to myself and hate that this is how things are now....and it wasn't even my fault?!?!

I will always take blame for the things that I do. Yes I did cheat on someone but I am willing to admit that. Yes I was very clingy in the beginning but I fixed that. But the fact that someone tells me you didn't know about this person that well and had to go along and tell them you were too much without even mentioning anything to me!?!?!? Makes it very hard for me to understand how I was the fucking problem.

Like I am willing to communicate and comprehend so much to understand your situation and everything that you stand for. I was never asking for so much, I did what I thought was fine and thought was right for this specific ideology that you believe in. Did I push on? No, did I make it awkward? No, and did I make things weird? No the fuck I didn't.

But the fact that you went on and assumed all of the things that I wanted to do, tell me that I was still unstable, tell me that I didn't work my ass off just to be a better person mentally and physically, and then to top it all of say that I was still to pushy even though hugs and kisses were fucking fine.

Here's a thought.....MAYBE FUCKING MENTION THAT!?!?!? Like why is it so hard for people to communicate!?!?! Why is it so hard for people to say something Jesus!?!?! What???? You think you're going to hurt someone's feelings?!?! That's fine!!! That's how life works!!! This is how it is and if they can't take it then that was their first lesson!!!

You can not be like that and expect them to know everything about you the moment they see you. People are meant to communicate and comprehend and the fact that these people blamed me....are the ones that did not want to do any of that fucking shit. You wanna know the worst thing??? They wanted all of that. They wanted all of the things that I have mentioned before and now they have a problem with it???? Why didn't you tell me that this was going to bother you??? Why didn't you just tell me! What was so hard about doing that????

That's the only part that confuses me. Either you assumed to much of how I was going to react or how you thought I was going to try and change you....if you thought any of those two? You must be delusional because that was never my intent. I never wanted to change you. I never wanted force you to do anything irrational. I never wanted to make you do anything that was going to change your life forever. Why the fuck would I take that away from you??? You think this is how it is??? *sighs*

I'm just disappointed that this happened to you. Because right now, the fact that I can call you out and tell everyone how much you've lied about this stuff just shows how much I have fucking changed as a human being. Never in my life do I hate. Never in my life do I hold a grudge. But the fact that you think this was the way to end things, you will have more enemies then you can fucking imagine. Using people like that will make Karma get you right fucking back.

So many good people that I used to call my friends now ignore me. Only one person talks to me and I really hope they are still a good friend. Because if they are just there making sure I don't come any closer to you people, then you must be the most fucking sick and disappointing people I have met in my fucking life. You using people and making them feel like shit will just be the worst. I wish I could warn people about you, but honestly....you keep doing that. Because I want them to learn these lessons. After all that's how life is.