a villain who commits crimes because they want to impress the hero and get their attention but they don’t know how to flirt like a regular person

them: i just don’t understand it. last week i airlifted an entire bus full of tourists to the top of a skyscraper and rigged every floor with fun, non-lethal booby traps. i wore my best cape, my tightest black leather pants AND i added 5 more flirty winks and seductive smirks to my monologue. how could i possibly have been more obvious?

their minions: have you considered just… talking to them?

them: have i what now

Yall think the gods take classics classes for fun

Professor: whys your drawing look like that lol artemis would be paler

Apollo, twin sister to Artemis, has seen her at least once a week for 4,000 years:

professor: ares is the god of war and is evil.

ares:

Professor: Hades is the god of the underworld and is therefore evil and cold and heartless

Persephone, who has seen her husband cry secret tears of Manly Anguish every time she has to go live with her mother for six months:

Professor: Not even the crack of dawn was safe from Zeus. Zeus:

Professor: *says literally anything about Dionysius*

Dionysus:

This is great but are we not gonna talk about how OP doesn’t have a url?!?!?

I mean, ????????????

Merida + Scottish twitter

This is fantastic I never want it to end.

I thought I’d share with Tumblr the best screenshot edit I’ve ever made. Not necessarily best in quality, but best in concept.

Did I work too hard on this?

Yes

Was it worth it?

Absolutely

I would be remiss if i didn’t do a Mystery farm version 💅🏾

I saw this earlier and my brain wouldn’t let me sleep until I’d doodled my own version.

They’re heading into oncoming traffic. (:

the girls are racinggggg!

A: have I told you about these two bitches in this place that talk shit      about everybody? B: who? A: you and me.

Art🎨

There’s a turtle in my yard laying eggs

This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me and vamoose

I’m not ready to be a single mom

I know shit about reptiles

I had to put a stick next to the nest because she decided the MIDDLE of our yard was the primo spot to give birth

Mowing is gonna be interesting this summer

Meet the mother leaving her wildlife progeny under my city girl care

I’m googling turtles right now. I sent photos to my southern stepmom for help. Apparently she’s a box turtle?

70 DAYS UNTIL THEY HATCH??

You a mom now

Text from stepmom “watch out for foxes, cranes, raccoons, and snakes. They’ll eat the eggs so chase them off”

I’m gonna fistfight nature

@mrswinterbarnes you’re not wrong. When I came back from closing the barn doors she was gone. Nowhere in sight. I thought turtles were supposed to be slow

I was gone maybe ten minutes so first off, not even a goodbye??

I don’t think Box turtles return to their nest either, so until they hatch and dig out

YOU GONNA BE A MOMMA

DAMN IT SHARRON

First that bird makes its nursery in my bike basket on our porch and now this

Why am I becoming a wildlife nanny??

UPDATE

SHES BACK

NEVERMIND

ITS A DIFFERENT TURTLE

That’s two deadbeat turtle moms dropping their spawn on me

Call this one Susan

You’re like a really ticked-off nature witch who never signed up for this animal empath shit

gonna go through the tyrus tag just to feel something

shout out to my fellow sexy bitches with adhd who use way more words than they really need to literally any time they write or type anything because their point has to come across 100% like they imagined it

is this post an example

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

Oh! I forgot to mention! I saw him at lunch the same day, and he ran up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at this super sweet girl who comes to GSA and asked if she’s gay. I told him he should ask her because that’s not my place and he said he would.

I thought that would be the end of it.

Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular. 

But this wholesome dumbass looked really confused and asked, “Because I’m tall?’

So this isn’t lesbian/jock solidarity but I thought you guys would want to know-

My math teacher was trying to fix the rolling whiteboard and he just offhand said “This would be easier with a wrench”

And deadass, dudebro said “Hang on” and then proceeded to pull a fucking wrench out of his backpack

Update- after school today he saw me in the library and he didn’t say anything? He just pointed at the book he was holding and I gave him a thumbs up because it’s a pretty good book, and he went “Yes!” Really quiet and pumped his fist and then left

Okay so today he asked me if I know how to help people having a panic attack and I was like yeah? And he smiled at me and then went “cool I think I’m having one”

And I was like what the fuck Colin we’re in the middle of Tech class sit down and we went out in the hall and sat there for a while and he told me about the test he’s stressed about so we kind of went over his study guide and when he was feeling better he kind of like… smacked his head against mine gently? And I helped him up even though he’s almost a foot taller than me and yeah

Today at lunch we walked to the football field and laid in the grass and I told him thank you for being my friend (because I don’t have that many) and fistbumped me and said, “You always looked so nice and chill, how could I not want to be your friend?”

And honestly y’all, I would’ve started crying if he hadn’t sneezed and accidentally smacked me

When it’s 2020 and your favorite fic hasn’t been updated since 2014

*refuses to look at texts* I love conversation and communication

she gets it