This was originally from a pokemon rental randomizer but I almost got away with not drawing pokemon but then matt had to have pokeplushies on his shelf anyways.
this mans just out here making me draw pokemon
smutav reblogged
Me: I hate gossip
Also me:
Since everyone seems to love my sex shop stories, here’s another one.
Phone calls were literally a game for us. Not all phone calls, but there was a specific brand of call where guys would creep on us. 90% of the workforce at the sex shops was women. So we’d get dudes calling jacking off or trying to get their jollies from us.
The game: make them hang up. We could have hung up. On a few occasions I did, but for the most part we made a sport out of getting creeps to go flaccid. It really depended on a caller.
You couldn’t just go in for belittling them straight off- some guys wanted that. You had to tailor your strategy to the perv. Overall it was pretty fun and it turned an aspect of the job that could’ve become a major bummer into a fun sport. We’d get excited when the phones rang.
So one day the phone rings. I pick up and it was very clearly a young teen who was putting on a deep voice. I was utterly delighted, I’d never had a crank call before. He said, “I have a dildo emergency! Can you deliver 5 boxes of dildos to my home?!”
It took everything in me not to crack in that moment. It was so funny. It was like three kids had walked through the door in a trench coat and the phrase “dildo emergency” was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard.
But I kept it together. In smooth customer service tones I replied, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear you’re having an emergency, but due to the nature of our product we do require people to come pick it up themselves.”
The caller audibly deflated. Some of the deep voice he was putting on bled away when he said plaintively, “But it’s an emergency…”
“I’m sorry, sir, rules are rules.”
He hung up. I burst out laughing and told my coworker what had happened. She said, “I will buy you lunch if you call back and pretend you can deliver something.”
This sounded like an all around win for me, and the kid hadn’t used anything to block his number. So I called back.
“Hello!” This was before caller ID was common for home phones and so he picked up in his totally normal voice, several octaves higher than before.
“Hello, I’m calling regarding your dildo emergency?”
“Oh! Hem hem,” he coughed, getting his voice back into character for me. “Yes! The emergency!”
“Well I’ve spoken to my manager and it’s your lucky day. We’ll be able to make a delivery after all. Five boxes you said? We can swing it by later, we’ll just need your name, address, and credit card number.”
He was thrown by needing to provide info and was silent for a moment then said, “Well how much is it for five boxes?”
“About five hundred dollars, sir.”
He slipped out of his character voice to exclaim, “Five hundred dollars?! What kind of dildos are they?!”
“Just standard six inches with balls, sir.”
This was his breaking point. He started wheezing with laughter trying to repeat the phrase “six inches with balls” incoherently.
“So your address and card info?”
He hung up and I broke down laughing too. We both got a kick out of it, and I won the game twice in one day.
smutav reblogged
smutav reblogged
Café au? Mayhaps?
Sketch:
“testosterone will make you fat and hairy!!!” PROMISE?!?!??😍😍😍🤤🤤🤤😍😍😍
smutav reblogged
i’m going to kdxjdhdjhddjjdhs
TWO??? Having a private jet at all is bad enough on its own but why the fuck does she need two of them???
a crossover that like 3 ppl wanted
smutav reblogged
Today the last three Roundpoles and Longpoles have achieved their Arms! Congratulations to Kaisa, Mavis and Pokey!
smutav reblogged
Friends 🌈💖
knitting tutorial made by a twenty-something knitting influencer: 18 min long, 12 of those minutes being the intro and a sponsor plug, they show the first few steps of the tutorial at the slowest speed known to man, they show the most important steps at a neck-break speed, they stop every five seconds to talk about what they just did, 40,000 comments filled with questions ranging from insightful to “how do i knit”, filmed with a camera that costs more than a car, the tutorial is incorrect.
knitting tutorial made by a seventy-something grandmother: two min long, filmed 17 years ago, shows you what you want with the skilled patient hands of a beloved deity, made with the world’s shittiest camera, the best video on the fucking internet, four comments and 30 views, you lose the video and never find it again.
two things i’m noticing in the notes:
1. every artist/crafter/cook agreeing that influencers in their communities also pull shit like this
2. ppl shouting out their fav old lady tutorials and being like “i would die for u diane”
everyone in the notes was being super lovely and dropping their fav tutorials/crafters, so i made a list of some of them (sorry if i missed any!):
Joanne’s web (knitting and crochet)
Knitting with Suzanne Bryan (knitting)
EliZZa (German knitting community)
Jane Loures (cooking)
Happy Berry Crochet (crochet)
Sue Ripsch (chainmaille jewelry)
SeaLemonDIY (book binding)
FourKeysBookArts (book binding)
sheilasknittingtipsandtricks
VeryPinkKnits (several recs for this!)
Mick Grewcock (bow making)
Mrs Nadelspiel (knitting)
Winwick Mums Knit n Natter (knitting Facebook group)
Cutsey Crafts (embroidery)
Twinsday (sewing)
Creative Grandma (crochet)
Das Bookbinding (bookbinding)
Yoyomax12 (baking)
Sharon B (doll repainting)
Nimbleneedles (knitting)
Chasing Sunraee (crochet)
Heindselman’s Knit & Chasing Sunraee (crochet)
Heindselman’s Knit & Gifts (America’s oldest knitshop)
Ivor Sorefingers (guitar)
Elly Everyday (overnight sourdough recipe)
K3n Slowstitch (stitching)
Miss Nancy/Nancy Zieman (PBS knitting episodes for free on youtube)
Roxanne Richardson (knitting)
Imamu Room Husbento (bento box making)
Nerdforge (bookbinding)
Jess Huff (amigurumi)
Nerdy Knitting (knitting)
Gayle Francis (crochet)
Bag-o-day Crochet (crochet)
Sewing with Nancy (sewing)
Felts by Philippa (felting)
Sowoolly (knitting)
Nadelspiel (knitting)
Lacefromireland (lace)
Bill Souza (yarn crafts for left handed folks)
and my personal fav that I just had to look up:
Glendalf, who made a tutorial for fixing a prius battery.
smutav reblogged
smutav reblogged
i watched one (1) video on how to draw hands that changed my life forever. like. i can suddenly draw hands again
these were all drawn without reference btw. i can just. Understand Hands now (for the most part, im sure theres definitely inaccuracies). im a little baffled
for those of u asking for the vid!
smutav reblogged
cool
smutav reblogged
Redrawin some of me ponysona Tarmack :3
He likes buildings and roads and infrastructure a LOT
smutav reblogged
Team Dark yo