Bruce, on the phone: Sorry, I'm afraid I can't make it to your gala. Damian suddenly came down with a fever. You know how it is with the bug going around.
Damian: Father, I feel fine—
Bruce, covering the phone: Shush, I'm doing us a favor.
———————
Barbara: Hey, Damian got a concussion on patrol and I'm babysitting. Raincheck?
Damian: But Gordon—
Barbara: *shoos him away*
———————
Kate: I'll be late, I'm taking Damian to a root canal.
Damian: My teeth are perfectly healthy—
Kate: *muffles him with her jacket*
———————
Dick: I have to cancel. My little brother needs me right now. He's going through some tough times and I'm the closest he has to a friend.
Damian: *video calling Jon, Colin, Maya, Maps, Kathy, Billy, and Suren with the pets on camera*
———————
Steph: Heya boss, my brother just broke his leg and I need to take him to the ER. I need someone to cover my shift.
Damian: *roundhouse kicks a training dummy*
Steph: Damian, keep it down!
———————
Jason: Why I'm not gonna train the new henches? Because my brother has fucking chicken pox! Yes, you heard me right, assface. I don't care who you get as long as the orientation is done.
Damian: *has a band-aid from his booster shot*
———————
Cass: Can't dance. Baby brother needs food. Parents not home. He hasn't eaten in a week.
Damian: *devouring his second vegan sandwich*
———————
Selina: Sorry girls, my stepson's cat just died. Maybe next time.
Damian: *playing with Alfred the cat*
———————
Duke: Damian, I need you to cover for me. I'm supposed to make up a quiz but it's the Riddler again.
Damian: What story are you going with?
Duke: How about... you're stuck in the rain and I need to pick you up?
Damian: It's sunny.
Duke: Please just go with it. I'll take you to the arcade after.
Damian: *pours water on himself*
Damian, completely monotone: Oh no, I've been abandoned by my parental figures.
———————
Tim, to his secretary: Tell the board I'm canceling all my meetings this week. No one's seen my brother since yesterday and the police are now involved.
Damian: *standing next to him*
———————
Damian: *playing video games in the living room*
Alfred: Master Damian, why aren't you at school?
Damian: According to everyone else, I am experiencing a fever, concussion, tooth damage, emotional instability, broken leg, chicken pox, chronic starvation, the loss of a pet, getting stuck in a downpour, and going missing. I don't think I'm able to attend classes in such a state.