dilf obsessed

Bitches don't want money, they want the Practical Magic house

perhaps some will disagree, but i think the world got worse when we changed the colour of the night

this is what i mean

Via @bulbaderp

To be clear, THIS is how nights of the future should be lit

This is bat friendly street lighting, which not only looks sick as fuck but allows bats to pass through without disturbance, as they cannot see red.

orange and especially white lights deter bats and prevent them from reaching feeding grounds at nighttime. Please if you can, write to your local council and encourage red street lights!!!!

You can trust him, he's a good guy...

as i said, feminism evaporated from my being this very second

Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

Who makes the porn bots.

Where do they come from. What do

they hope to achieve.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

and what about you, little haiku bot? do you feel kinship with your brethren? do you understand them? they speak words of enticement and seek love, but are met with disdain. you only parrot the words that cross your screen, but we all love you. or rather, since all you do is reflect us, maybe we simply love ourselves through you.

do you understand them, do you wish you could speak to us like they do? if you found your own voice, would we still care for you?

My voice repeats what

you all say: I love you I

love you I love you.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

the rule of fandoms is that if someone has a character in their url or bio they either understand that character well enough to give a 3 hour unscripted lecture on the subject OR they're really obsessed with their version of that character thats an entirely different made up guy. and theres literally never an in between

everyone in the notes saying 'skdfskdffhkshkshkfhs i hope im the first one but sometimes im worried i might be the second!!!!!' is the second one

overview: you had been denied all day, one time after another, after another— so you decided to take things into your hands, and he didn’t like that..

word count: 1.2k

warnings: fem and male masturbaution, oral - male receiving, use of toys, maledom , femsub, degradation, cum denial, swearing, and just lots of dirty/sexy talk haha.

a/n: this was actually a dream i had the other night.. spicy..

"Again."

"I-I can't—"

"Again." His voice was serpentine and accusatory, plowing through your whimpers with its baritone and timber.

Grayson Dolan: Taco Baby

-Grayson x Reader-

!!CW: This one gets kinda dirty!! — Belly Worship (Playing, Rubbing, Kissing, Licking), Navel Worship (Fingering, Kissing, Kissing, etc.), Bloating, Smells/Odors, Penetrative Sex, Unprotected Sex, C*m, Allusion to Mpreg/Pregnancy

Synopsis: You’ve just made your first successful vegan meal in years… and, after enjoying such a wonderful alternative dinner with your boyfriend, Grayson, you’ve only just come to realize how fulfilling — and delicious — that vegan food can truly be. Grayson’s had so many helpings of your culinary triumph that he looks as though he’s fallen pregnant with a big foodbaby… and although the extent of his bloating is initially a bit alarming, you just can’t help but to have a little fun with his new, beautiful, baby bump. He’s just so gigantic… that even his belly button has changed, to resemble that of an expecting mother. The two of you have only just put down such an incredible, healthy supper — and, in the process, created a beautiful (though imaginary) child together — and now, it’s time for a big, pregnant, creamy dessert… to celebrate the conception.

Words: 2,525 (+/-)

A/N: This is an ooolllddd fic, from at least two years ago, that I’ve reposted about a handful of times (without going back through, to revise it)… so, sorry if the writing isn’t the best. I have changed it up quite a bit in the past, but, at some point, I figured that I had rewritten it enough to keep the original atmosphere of the whole thing, while also making it a bit smoother to read. With that being said, I apologize for any mistakes I may have miss (as I honestly don’t want to toil around with it anymore), and I hope you enjoy the read.

Wattpad Link — “Celebrity Worship Fics” Series

Your taco dinner with Grayson went well tonight — a lot better than you expected it to. Not only did you produce one of the best meals you've ever made in your life, you also discovered that vegan food isn't as bland as you thought... you actually enjoy it quite a bit. Now that your bellies are full, the two of you are curled up together on the couch, half-watching whatever's playing on the TV as you enjoy each other's warmth.

"Wow," Grayson groans, laid between the couch cushions with your head on his chest, "Dinner was great tonight! Nice job, Babe." Though he's already complimented you at least a thousand times since he finished his plate, his flattery still feels as genuine as the first — it just serves to show that your hours of laboring over the stove weren't for naught. "Thanks," you sigh, "I tried really hard on those tacos, Gray. Glad to know my work paid off."

Tonight's meal marks your first success in a long list of kitchen-related failures. After your first breakfast blunder, the Great Crêpe Fire of Christmas 2019, it seemed your culinary losing streak would never come to an end, but tonight's taco triumph has proven otherwise.

Grayson nods his head, poking at the top of yours with his chin. "Yeah, it really did. I think this is the first time in years that I haven't had to pretend to like your food! You know, I used to wait until you left the room to throw it away... but I couldn't get enough tonight. Those tacos were fucking awesome!"

"Wow," you gasp, unsure if you should feel proud or insulted, "Ummm... okay. I knew my cooking was bad... but you could've at least had the decency to tell me to my face... and you, of all people, shouldn't be talking, Mr.Charred Pancakes! I can't believe you used to do that behind my back! You know, pigs will be flying by the time you make something that isn't burned totally black or completely underdone..."

Grayson blows up his chest underneath your head, wrapping his arms tightly around your head and tucking it between his pecs. "Wait... wait. I was just joking, okay," he laughs, "Chill out, Babe. It was just a joke. Calm down. Don't go crazy on me now. I'm starting to feel a little queasy, I couldn't handle you if I tried."

"That's what the hell you get," you yelp, mocking him as you struggle to free your head from under the weight of his bicep, "You said it yourself that you couldn't get enough, and now look at you! Woah, Gray! You're huge! Are your feeling alright?" Grayson's stomach looks nearly three times it's usual size, so big that it's peeked almost halfway out of his shirt. At first, it's nothing too alarming, but the more you stare at it, the more it seems to grow.

"I'm fine. I'm fine," he answers, choking back a burp, "trust me, I am. It's just some bloating. In a few hours, I'll be back to normal."

"Okay, good," you reply, resting your hand on his stomach, "I don't want you throwing up on me or anything. Dinner is always better on a plate, not chucked up from your guts..."

His beautiful brown eyes staring into your soul, Grayson smirks, placeing his hand over yours, and laughing boisterously at the size of his new belly. Suddenly, all the worry you felt before fades away, and you're laughing too. "Ya know, I feel like we're in one of those maternity photos right now," he jokes, entangling his fingers with yours as his eyes scan you up and down, "You know what I mean? The ones where the fathers are all over the moms' bellies, like, kissing them and stuff. It'd be funny if we recreated those pictures, but nobody else is here to take the photos. That sucks."

With your chest still full of laughter, and not a single clear thought in your mind, you slide yourself off from Grayson's chest and kneel down on the floor in front of the couch, playing along with his little joke. "Well, nobody has to be," you chuckle, "See? I'll be the dad in the photo... you'll obviously be the mom... and I'll give you a little smooch." Trying your hardest to contain your laughter, you purse your lips up against his stomach, looking into his eyes as you begin to scatter little kisses around the surface of his skin. Your lips move around in tight circles, landing sporadically around the rim of his belly button. "Mmm," he laughs, his shy grin hidden behind the palm of his hand, "your lips are really warm. That tickles."

It's all for shits and giggles — a new little inside joke — up until you accidentally let a bit of drool slip through your lips. "Oh, fuck! I'm sorry," you blurt out, slurping the rest of the dangling dribble back into your mouth, "I...I didn't mean to..." Grayson shivers, his laughter quickly coming to a hush as he curls up his toes and kicks his legs off from the couch. "That just slipped out." Laughing awkwardly at yourself, you look around for something you can use to wipe your spit from his belly. "Stay still, Gray, I'll clean you up. Kinda got carried away there... I'm glad Ethan wasn't here to get a picture of that shit."

Having ruined the fun with your loose lips, you wipe your face dry with the bottom of Grayson's shirt, then touch the material to his skin. Again he shivers, trembling as the cotton fabric runs against his abdomen, it seems that he just can't help himself. "Mmm, sorry," he whispers, his voice trembling as he rests his head back into the cushion behind him, "I... I guess my stomach is just feeling a bit sensitive right now. Oh... and my toes are really, really cold. I actually think you should keep doing what you're doing though, Babe... with all the kisses and stuff... it's really helping with my, um... pain."

You know where this is going — his hesitation is a clear sign that he's into it — it's too obvious to go unnoticed. It has been a while since the two of you have gotten hot and heavy, so why let a full stomach stop you now? You have to admit, you never expected to feel such an attraction to him in the state he's in, with his gut all round and tight, you kind of do... it's something you just can't help. After your much-deserved shower compliments, all the joking around, Grayson's bedroom eyes... you can't blame yourself for feeling a little bubbly inside. Grayson grabs your wrist, stopping your hand from wiping away the last bit of your drool, "Just leave it, its fine. Like I said, nobody's here, so... why don't we use this time to our advantage? We've got the whole house to ourselves..." His grip on your arms grows more firm, just enough to keep you restrained without causing any pain — it's always been his way of teasing you. Whether he's got a hold on your neck, your wrists, or your butt, his tight grip always gets you in the mood.

"Oh, Ok...," you reluctantly agree, "I guess I'll just... rub it in then." Slowly, you rub the rest of your spit into his skin with the palm of your hand — it's taut surface catching traction under your skin — and start to kiss his tummy again. "Yeah, just like that," Grayson says, encouraging of your gentle touch, "That's good." As if it has a mind of its own, your tongue slips out from your lips again, slowly cascading a stream of saliva down onto his flesh. "Woah," Grayson moans, "Th—That feels... amazing."

His hands find their way onto either side of his gut, rubbing themselves around in big circles against his supple skin, and enclosing your lips between them. Their motions force your mouth inward, closer to the center of his belly, until you're right above his navel. You can just barely smell the shallow hole, it's faint sweaty odor wafting up to your nose as you move it around between his hands — it doesn't smell as bad as you thought it would. Feeling trapped, with no way to get around them, you reluctantly dip your tongue into his navel, tasting the bitter pool of sweat that has collected inside of it.

Grayson's stomach tosses and turns inside, twisting under the wet sensation of your tongue. "Fuck," he moans, holding your head over his gut with his tight fist gripping the nape of your neck, "that feels... s—so... great. T—Tell me how it smells in there, I wanna know. H—How does my belly button smell?" His attempt at dirty talking you — if that's what it's meant to be — is a bit strange to you at first. Why would he want to know how his belly button smells? Why does it turn him on so much? Grayson's moans grow louder — into deep chesty growls — and almost instantly, you realize that none of your questions really matter; it's just what he wants to hear. His eyes roll so far back into his head that you're pretty sure he's reading his own thoughts, and his bottom lip is nearly purple from all his biting. His growls grow into booming whimpers — sexy words of deep passion — then shrink back into the soft moans they evolved from.

"Hmm," you ponder loudly, sliding your tongue out from the hole, "Like sweat... and tacos. It's really dirty, Gray. Do you want me to lick it clean?" You feel awkward as you slip your tongue back inside, swiveling it back and forth, but he loves the sensation too much for you to stop yourself any time soon... his pleasure eases away your discomfort with each passing second. "Yeah," he answers, his voice trembling, "Mmm... it smells bad? So dirty and stinky. I bet you like that. Clean it out for me, Baby." His big fist releases it's grip on your neck and slides down to your back, pulling up your shirt as you continue to salivate all over him and his gigantic food baby. Your shirt comes up over your shoulder, and before you know it, Grayson is on top of you on the floor, pushing his gut down against your face as his meal twists and turns inside him. His skin is hot and red — wet with your spit — and his stomach feels tight against your cheeks.

"Are you ready," he asks, looking down longingly into your eyes, "Mmm... are you?" You are… you think… although you don't know what for. He could do anything he wants with you trapped below him, but what are you going to say? No? Silent, you brush your lips against the curvature of his big bowling ball and nod. You hear the zipper on his pants undo itself, and then you feel yours yank down to your ankles. "Mmm, you're too big for your jeans now, huh," you tease him, watching as he looks for a place to put his throbbing cock, "That's so sexy, Big Guy."

You feel yourself getting hot with anticipation, and then it finally happens — Grayson thrusts himself deep inside of you. "Put your finger in my belly button," he moans, peering down over his stomach to — watching himself ram into you, "Do me while I do you." Completely paralyzed with pleasure from the waist down, you yank your hands free from their pinned position on the floor, and slip your finger back into his belly button. Almost instantly, your fingertip is dripping wet, completely enveloped in your slimy saliva.

Grayson's back thrusts harder and harder, until it gives out, leaving him motionless on top of you — and your finger crushed between your bodies. "Oh my god," he gasps, "I'm gonna! I'm gonna... Oh shit!" You watch in pure awe as he yanks himself out of you, spraying his thick load of spunk up onto his belly.

His body convulses on top of yours, completely emptied of its most precious fluid. You missed seeing his O-face, so much that it seemed almost foreign to you this time. His wide, gaping mouth, his eyes rolled to the very back of his skull, the thick veins popping out of his neck, they're such a nice sight for sore eyes. Amazed by the spectacle of his orgasm, you roll yourself out from under him and push him onto his back — taking a seat on his naked pelvis. You're in a lustful daze as you stare directly at the white mess on his gut. It's beautiful, looking almost as if he's spilled thick milk all over himself — even though that's not something he drinks — maybe almond milk.

"Oh yeah," Grayson groans, out of breath as he lays under you, "Come here and lick my belly button clean." Without hesitation, you hold his wrists down against his chest — taking the open opportunity to pin him down — and slide your stomach back and forth against his, covering your abdomen in his seed. "Looks like we made a mess," you tease him, lowering your head down to the underside of his gut," And it's a big one! Must've been super pent-up, huh?" The view from the other side of his stomach is beautiful. Only his chin and the tip of his nose can be seen from this side, shown over the dip where his belly button is.

Your tongue slides out of your mouth again, this time with you in control, and traces its way up what seems to be a newly-forming happy trail to his navel, then forces itself down into the hole again. Just as you anticipated, the thick warmth of his spunk feels amazing on your tongue, and acts as the perfect lubricant to fill the space between your tastebuds and his skin. "Oh, fuck," Grayson moans, his eyes big as he stares blankly at the ceiling, "Oh my god! That feels... Auugh!"

"Tasted good too," you laugh, cleaning up what's left of the mess, "Too bad it's all gone!" Grayson wriggles his hands free from yours, looking down at his red, irritated abdomen. Slowly, he dips his finger into his soaked belly button and brings it up to his nose. "Oh, yeah. That smells awful. So hot." Finishing off your task, you kiss your way down the inside of his thighs, all the way to his feet. The sour smell of sweat fills your nostrils once more as you kiss the damp spaces between his toes, enjoying the aroma. Having left your thick, white mark all over his body, you place your head back onto his stomach and rest.

There the two of you lay, one on top of the other on the floor, breathless and full. You can still smell the sweat between his toes, the tacos wafting their way out through his pores, and suddenly you can't help but to feel proud of yourself. Both your dinner and your long, sexy dessert were a huge success!

Thanks for reading ❤️❤️❤️!!!

currently thinking about how when we saw barbie and it was at the point where it said "and all misogyny and inequality for women was gone. at least that's what the Barbies think." and all the women in the theater laughed while all of the men were dead silent

The Barbie movie: The Ken's need to find who they are outside of pursuing Barbies, a clear allegory for how real life men should not define themselves by trying to attract a partner and building their personality around that, something that would be healthier and better for them overall

Misogynists: barbie movie is so anti-men :(( how could they do this :((((

The Barbie Movie is the movie of all time for many reasons, but the core message being "Perfoming gender roles hurts everyone, you should be your authentic self no matter what society says" really knocked it out of the park

Certain People: THE BARBIE MOVIE IS ANTI-MEN

anyone who actually paid attention: the Barbie movie is about how both matriarchy and patriarchy are damaging to people and that no one will be happy as long as people feel unequal and you shouldn’t base your happiness on once person and you shouldn’t force your feelings on another person, especially if they’ve told you that they’re not interested in you. In this essay I will