I’m doing good rn.
Tatlong taon na ang nakalipas simula noong huli akong nag post dito sa blog ko. Nag back read ako nang konti at namiss ko slight yung mga panahon na ang dami ko pang time para ikwento ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ko. Not that I’m a busy person now, I’m actually recovering from a 2 months self isolation since my first positive swab test, so I had a lot of free time. Pero aside from that, my life before covid was pretty good.
Madaming pag babago, I worked so hard to be how I am and where I am now. After back reading I’m more convinced na tama ang desisyon ko na mag concentrate muna sa sarili ko, na tama na nag laan ako ng panahon para matutunan ko munang mahalin ng husto ang pagkatao ko. I’m finally being selfish without being harmful to other, I’m learning a lot about myself and finally nameet ko narin ang inner peace ko. Para sakin, ito ang tamang paraan para mabigyan ko ng meaning ang buhay ko. I’m content with life.
Things are looking up, oh finally!
Volevo parlarti stasera, più delle altre sere. Per questo me la sono presa quando mi hai fatto aspettare. Volevo parlare con te, volevo sfogarmi, volevo liberarmi il peso che ormai mi porto dietro da un bel po' ma che oggi sentivo più pesante del solito. Volevo tirare fuori tutto, volevo qualcuno che mi ascoltasse, qualcuno che mi rassicurasse e volevo che quel qualcuno fossi tu. Hai sempre reso disponibile la tua spalla, libera a qualunque appoggio, e io volevo appoggiarmi a te stasera, avevo bisogno di te.
importedfeelings reblogged
Have you ever felt the urge of sending a very long message to someone then on the verge of clicking the send button you just realized that it would just be nonsense, the spilling of untold things to people because they might just don’t get what you want to say or you don’t want to ruin things so you just erase every letter and let all the things you want to talk about remain untold the way you think it should just be.
I wish I could blog like 7 years ago.
Dear you,
may nakita nanaman akong picture kung saan kayo magkasama. Sabi mo sakin kahapon na dayoff mo ngayong araw na to, na mag papahinga ka at hahabulin mo yung tulog mo. Pero bakit sumikip dibdib ko nung nakita ko kayong magkasama? Bakit parang tumigil ang ikot nang mundo ko nung nakita kong nakangiti kayo? alam ko, alam kong hindi ako magkakaganito kung di ko lang nalaman na may gusto sya sayo. Alam kong di ako para mag selos kung di ko lang nalaman na hiniwalayan nya ang boyfriend nya nang dahil may nararamdaman sya para sayo. Alam ko. Alam ko dahil hindi naman ako ganito noon. pero ano pa ba naman? Sana naisip ko na noon pa na mahuhulog din loob nya sayo, sana nakiramdam din ako nung kinekwento mo na halos araw araw kayong sabay pumuntang trabaho at sabay umuwi sa bahay. Tutal nasa lugar kayo kung saan wala kayo parehong masyadong kilala, sino pa ba naman ang lagi nyong makakasama? Syempre ang isa’t isa. mabait ka, matalino, friendly, pogi. Ikaw ang ideal man nang madaming babae. Kaya di dapat ako magtaka kung bakit napalapit na loob nya sayo. Hindi nya yun kasalanan at lalong hindi mo rin kasalanan. Kung nasasaktan man ako ngayon, kasalanan ko na yun. Naging kampante ako sa tayo na wala naman talaga, tinake for granted ko na once na umalis ka, ako lang talaga at wala nang iba.
importedfeelings reblogged
I’ve spent most of my life chasing the person I want to be. Because 20-year-old me will have better friends, and 25-year-old me will land a killer job, and 30-year-old me will be madly in love. And me 6 months from now will be skinnier, and me a year from now will be more confident, and me some time from now will be better somehow. So much better. For years, this is what I thought. That if I could just wait it out, everything would get better.
It took me a long time to realize that life doesn’t work that way. Older doesn’t mean happier or easier, and it certainly doesn’t mean better; it just means older. Life isn’t a well plotted screen play, or a checklist, or, God forbid, some waiting room. We have got to stop waiting. Because life isn’t about growing up to be all that we’ve ever wanted; it’s just about growing.
It’s about love, and change, and crying yourself to sleep when it’s all too much. And working at a burger joint, and kissing your best friend even though he might not like you back, and calling your mom every Sunday because you miss her like hell. It’s fights, and promotions, and hospital visits. And then it’s this: another wedding of another one of your college friends, the third one this year, but this time you meet a groomsman who’s just as down on love and you dance all night. And this: he cries when you say “I do.” And this: a kid with your eyes and his dorky ears.
Or maybe not. Maybe it’s this: you write everything, everywhere, all the time, even when the prettier kids make fun of you, and the short teacher with the big nose tells you it’s good. Really good. And this: you’re living in a shoebox, by the skin of your teeth, but there’s a bar across the street that lets you read your poetry, and every time you do, someone in the crowd finally knows what it feels like to be understood. And this: your words being published. Your words. Being bought by people who could be spending their money on anything at all. And you sit in your twin bed where you’ve written your entire novel, a dozen empty coffee mugs still dirty on the nightstand, and you scream until your lungs burn.
It’s all of these things, and bad things, and good things, and the raw realization that it doesn’t get better or worse, it just gets different. It just changes. Always, always changes. And somehow that makes it more wonderful. Because future you may have the friends, and the boy, and the job, but she didn’t get it by waiting around. She is a product of you. Right now, tomorrow, changing and growing every moment that follows. She is kind, and breathing, and beautiful. But she waits for the day she doesn’t have to worry about paying a mortgage bill, and she worries too often about what people think of her. She still doesn’t have it together.
And maybe that’s what I’ve learned after all this time: nobody has it together. We’re all just here, floundering around in pursuit of being something more. Broken, thoughtful creatures with too much time on our hands, desperate for the companionship of someone who reminds us that we are not alone. We don’t have much of anything figured out. Maybe we never will. But more importantly, I think that’s how it’s supposed to be.
ramblings of an overthinker (via yourhandwrittenletter)
Dear you,
naiisip ko parin kung ano kaya, ano na kaya tayo ngayon kung pumayag lang akong makipagrelasyon sayo. Magkasama kaya tayo ngayon? Masaya kaya tayo? Hindi ko parin maiwasang tanungin ang sarili ko. Nakakabobo narin minsan, lalo na sa gabi, kapag naka dasal na ako at handa nang pumikit, hinihintay ko parin ang good night text mo sakin, kahit alam kong wala na naman, wala na, wala kana. Kita ko naman na masaya kana ngayon, successful ka sa career mo at unti unti mo nang naaabot ang mga pangarap mo. Siguro okay na yung ganito, diba? Siguro sa ngayon mas mabuti talaga na may buhay kang sayo at walang tayo. Sana, kung mag babalak kang bumalik, sana handa na ako.
Sa totoo lang sa lunes pa sana ako pupunta sa kanila. Kaso, tagal tagal pa e, isang linggo pa, e ilang araw narin naman kameng di nag kikita, almost 2 weeks na ata? Sabi ko kase titigil muna ako nang Milano nang matagal tagal dahil madami akong kelangan ayusin, papers, trabaho ect. Okay lang daw, mag hihintay daw sya, chos. Naaawa kase ako, lagi syang mag isa sa kanila tas di sya makalabas kase sabi nang doctor kelangan pahinga daw dahil nga yung tuhod nya, patanga tanga lagi. Ayaw kaseng mag ingat pag nag babasketball e. Kaya sa huwebes dalawin ko sya, para cuddle cuddle time kame nang konti. Errr, ew. Hahahaha. Pero seryoso, dalawin ko sya para naman mabuhay nang konti. Tutal miss ko narin naman e.