my advice to you; put a little dijon mustard in any cheesy beige food. whisk it into your cheese sauce just before u add the cooked macaroni. spread a thin layer in your cheese toasties. add a spoonful to your mashed potatoes with the butter. anything thats gonna be heavy on rich dairy and starches will benefit enormously from the hint of warmth and acidity that dijon mustard will give it, even if you don't add enough to make it Taste Like Mustard (which, ideally, you shouldnt). itll cut through the richness and stop your tastebuds getting fatigue from too much fat&starch, which is important for the overall enjoyment of a dish. ur welcome. take this knowledge and change the world

im still consistently getting notes on this post and i want u guys to know that every single time someone in the tags says they tried this im filled with peace&love. my legacy is teaching the world to put dijon mustard in their mackercheese and i couldnt be happier.

S.686 - RESTRICT Act

"Famine is a useful word when you do not wish to use words like 'genocide' and 'extermination'."

- Frank O'Connor, Irish author.

me going to bed tonight

lmaooo

"faulty accelerator pedal" here means that the cheap plastic dressed to look like a fancy futuristic metal to cover up the cheap plastic pedal thats like an inch wide was cheaply glued on, so it would slip and jam itself into a cheap plastic nook below the dashboard, pinning the cheap pedal to the cheap metal so that the cheap engine would be at full power btw

Source: Pinterest

Masterpost

[Caption: two images. The first is a restaurant called “Tacos Gay.” The second is a semi-truck named LupTrans.]

I'm just saying, if there's a curse that runs along your family line and you don't tell your kids about it, how the hell are they supposed to go on a quest to stop it?

Tell your children about your medical history.

Growth capitalism is a deranged fantasy for lunatics.

Year 1, your business makes a million dollars in profit. Great start!

Year 2, you make another million. Oh no! Your business is failing because you didn't make more than last year!

Okay, say year 2 you make $2 mil. Now you're profitable!

Then year 3 you make $3 mil. Oh no! Your business is failing! But wait, you made more money than last year right? Sure, but you didn't make ENOUGH more than last year so actually your business is actively tanking! Time to sell off shares and dismantle it for parts! You should have made $4 mil in profit to be profitable, you fool!

If you're not making more money every year by an ever-increasing exponent, the business is failing!

Absolute degenerate LUNACY

#we loooooove the methodology of a cancer cell

#constant expansion at all costs!! go go go go go!! what do you mean the body has died

^^^^^^^^^^^

The Legend of Vox Machina is a deeply philosophical show that asks important questions such as: “what if the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanov had a gun?”

I’m just thinking about how many times I’ve heard my dad on a long call with an obvious scammer and I’ll start begging him to get off the phone because I always think he’s a very easy mark and he’ll just keep going and then after a while he’ll say something like “I died 20 years ago” and hang up.

Virgin Millennial Daughter with 20 hrs of screentime a day: Dad! They’re scamming you! Dad! Stop! They will take your savings and your identity! Hang up before they SWAT you!

Chad Boomer dad with a flip phone he has not recharged since 2014: Well gee I wish I could give you my bank account number after you spent all this time on the phone explaining this car deal with me but I don’t have access to my finances because I am in Rikers for felony murder.

WEAPONIZE THE HYPERFIXIATION!

Caleb being so into time and then falling for the time guy™, yes, but also. Essek’s journey later on being all about changing, to be better, to grow a conscience, and alongside falling for the literal transmutation wizard, aka change guy (™)

'the human body is perfect god doesnt make mistakes' what about wisdom teeth then. huh. gonna let those bastards grow in and fuck up your jaw for god. didnt think so

also the exploding appendix

there's an entire book about all the ways the human body is fucked up, but the highlights I remember are: -The blood vessels for our rods and cones in our eyes don't run behind them but rather in front of them. It's like putting the power cables *over* a camera's lens -the nasal sinus cavities fucked up during evolution. when our skulls shortened, we went from having a straight shot from one end to the other to having basically a basin which can collect mucus, which then has the actual exit for the chamber at the top of it. this normally isn't a problem bc cillia can work viscous mucus up it, but when we get sick and produce super watery mucus, it no longer works, which is why our noses get stuffed up. the book is called Human Errors: A Panorama of Our Glitches, from Pointless Bones to Broken Genes. I recommend it.

Most mammals can’t get scurvy. They make their own Vitamin C. But in primates, the gene to make it is broken. Normally, when an important gene breaks, the organism dies and has no surviving descendants, but when it broke a few million years ago, our ancestors were living in a lush climate with lots of fruit and survived the failure just fine.

Then humans invented fire and clothing, and moved to colder climates where fresh food was only available part of the year, and scurvy was born.

And our reproduction, oh heavens. There are SO MANY WAYS that human reproduction is fucked up that simply DO NOT APPLY to other animals, even the our nearest relatives, the great apes. When a gorilla is giving birth, she finds a nice hiding place in the trees, squats down for like half an hour, and pushes out a baby. Humans, not so much. In fact, the outcomes of unassisted childbirth in humans are so poor that most anthropologists agree that we must have invented midwifery in some form before we became fully human.

I can't explain how much I love baguette child. I would protect them with my life.

At first I was amazed and delighted and then I realized this is exactly the level of wit you should expect from a child who chose to dress as a baguette for trick or treating and I was even further delighted