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Teeth are bullshit. What do you mean you’re decaying. Get a fucking grip. You’re a bone now act like it. You don’t see my finger bones decaying from jerking it too much now do you

the dead don’t always die

so i played rdr2

>at feminism conference

>first male speaker in event's 50 year history

>great and terrible honor

>nervous

>get on stage

>40,000 people staring at me in silence

>all girls

>nervous

>introduce myself

>silence

>shakily bring up first slide of PowerPoint

>"things that I think women like, based on listening to women for 30 years"

>silence

>could hear a pin drop

>somewhere in the crowd a gun is cocked

>deep breath

>next slide

>"Whip-Its"

>deafening silence

>oh god

>I'm done for

>it's so over

>suddenly

>a slow clap

>slow clap builds to a few dozen claps

>few dozen builds to hundreds

>thunderous applause from all 40,000 women

>"finally!" they say

>oh shit

>tenative confidence

>next slide

>"Video games"

>applause continues

>women are stomping their feet

>hooting

>hollering

>next slide

>"treats sometimes"

>cheering

>whistles

>crowd of women chanting

>next slide

>"end of presentation. thank you for listening"

>women applaud me off stage

>pass the upcoming presenter back stage

>is a woman who is going to do magic tricks with a lion

>"thanks for getting them warmed up rookie"

>oh fuck do women like magic tricks

>magician goes on stage

>the women fucking love the magic tricks with a lion

>every day I learn more about women

someone went back to the devonian period to post this

anybody else in the club feeling this one

the cashier at barnes & noble just gave me this duck at checkout and they said “i give these to children and people with a certain vibe.”

floored to know something about me aligns with this duck

Autism

I feel like some people need to relearn Genre Expectations... "Man, this tragedy sucks!!! Why didn't they just do XYZ, then everything could have ended happily!!" well, then it wouldn't be a tragedy, would it. "Man, this lighthearted teen romcom is terrible, it's so sappy and unrealistic!!" Well, yeah. If it had been gritty and dark, it wouldn't have been a lighthearted romcom, would it. Is the writing actually bad or are you just trying to order a milkshake from a Home Depot

Has anyone ever actually finished a stick of lip balm or do they just despawn after a certain amount of time

I can't tell if this is autism culture or asexual culture but I'm living for it

This is fuckin Wile E Coyote culture is what it is.

3 core beliefs of be kind be weird eat berries

i hate these motherfuckers so much. our sewer system used to be infested with them. they;d crawl out of my fucking toilet at night looking for warmth, standing up from the bowl waving their shitass little arms at me. they don’t have eyes but you can feel them staring back at you, asking for hugs or god knows what with that pathetic whine that permeates their entire way of existence. uppies! uppies! i’m not giving you uppies you wet toilet freak

This image was so visceral I had to draw it.

To clarify, these are called olms and it’s impossible for them to be in toilets but it’s still quite vivid isn’t it?

in case anyone was wondering, this is butterfly pea flower tea, which has the cool quality of changing color with pH changes (in this case, adding acidic lemon)

hell yeah now i know what to do

Paraglider and black vulture chilling

(via)

I NEVER get tired of this video. It would be fantastic if the bird was just flying near him, but the fact it feels safe and comfortable enough to land ON his paraglider, isn't startled when he pets it, and is NIBBLING HIS SHOES... blessed moment, absolutely fabulous, 10/10 gold stars.

Okay but the bird isn't just nibbling

Note that it doesn't start nibbling until he starts smoothing its feathers.

They're grooming each other.

This is called parahawking! That vulture is tame -- it’s wearing jesses (a leather tie around the leg that a falconer will use to hold a bird when it’s on the glove). In fact that vulture is employed. Parahawking birds seek out thermals the same way they would naturally, allowing paragliders to follow them in the process.

Vultures are often used for parahawking both because of their attraction to thermals, and because vultures, as scavengers, are comparatively gentler and more sociable than birds of prey!

theres something so beautiful about things becoming dirty from their job. like a painter's desk being covered in paint stains, or a gardeners pants having mud stains that wont wash out, or a cutting board being stained from all the foods that have been cut on it. just a clear, distinct telling of "this was used as intended and it shows" an object clearly showing it's been used and loved

everyone talking about wrinkles i want you to know I absolutely adore those additions. wrinkles and scars and stretch marks, too. like yeah. this body has lived and loved and grown and this is proof <3