HC’s
Characters : Atsushi, Akutagawa, Chuuya
I just really like angsty shit lol what is wrong with me
TW : fighting; angst; domestic violence; talk of blood; a whole lot of angst
Atsushi
He walked through the door, the rain was dripping down off his hair, down his face, he stomped through the doorway and straight into the kitchen, his shoes leaving a trail of muddy footprints on the hardwood of your shared apartment. Dazai had been in a shit mood today, so he took it out on Atsushi, so Atsushi was in a relatively bad mood as well.
“Atsushi-kun!” He heard you call from the couch, then he heard your bare feet padding across the floor quickly toward him. He had noticed you were there, of course he did, he always noticed when you waited up late for him to return home from work, but tonight he just wasn’t in the mood. “I made your favorite tonight, tea on rice.”
“I’m not hungry right now, thank you though.” He mumbled. He just wanted to lay in bed, fall asleep, then he’d feel better in the morning and give you all the attention that you deserved.
Your hands wrapped around his arms, trying to pull him back to you. “Y/N, I’m really not hungry right now. Just put away, I’ll eat it in the morning.” He pulled his arm back and sighed, mentally noting that he’d have to apologize in the morning.
“Well, I’ve been waiting up all night for you to get home. I’ve missed you.” You said, a small pout forming on your lips. You weren’t usually one to resort to these measures, but you also weren’t used to him blowing you off like this. His usual smiling face hadn’t greeted you when he walked through the door, he acted like you weren’t even there.
“I’m tired.” He said flatly, and you sighed. He heard the hurt, it lingered on your breath and hung in the air between the two of you. Hopefully this meant you were giving up though. Instead, your arms wound around his waist, holding him in place. “Y/N.”
“I just want a hug.” You said, holding him tighter. This would have been enough to calm him down usually, but he was becoming annoyed. “Can’t we just... cuddle on the couch or something?” You begged, holding him tighter.
“Maybe later.” He just wanted you to take the hint, he knew that you weren’t one to pick up on them quickly, sometimes not at all, but now he was getting irritated. His exhaustion and anger was boiling up inside him. He knew it wasn’t good.
“But... I missed you so much.” You buried your head in his chest, you heard his heart beating faster. “Just a small cuddle, please?”
“Not. Right. Now!” He shouted, he pushed you off him, the force sent you stumbling back, you hit your head on the counter as you fell to the white tile floor. His arms were covered in tigers fur, his eyes were wide with anger, you had never seen him like this before... not with you.
The blood dripped down your Y/H/C hair, onto the floor. You hadn’t even noticed the ache in your head over the pain that you felt in your heart. As soon as Atsushi saw the blood all the anger faded from him, completely overpowered with worry, regret... He knelt down beside you, but you moved away from him. You felt the tears streaming down your face, your mouth hung open, but no words came out. He reached out to grab you, check your head, make sure you were okay, but you scooted yourself as far away from him as possible.
“Y/N...” His voice was barely a whisper. How could he have done this to you? All because you missed him?
“I... I just missed you...” You finally stammered, his heart broke to a million pieces. He never thought he’d hurt you, he promised you that he never would... you had done nothing but love him, and he pushed you away, literally.
“I’m so sorry... Please, let me help you.” He moved slowly across the floor, you were backed up against the wall, a bloodstain where your head was leaning. It made him physically sick, knowing he had done this to you. Your legs were curled tightly against your chest, you were afraid of him.
Every ounce of anger he had for Dazai from earlier in the day at work had been turned to himself. The headmaster had told him that it would be better if he would just die in a ditch somewhere, meeting you had made Atsushi believe that he was wrong, that he made you happy, that he deserved to be alive, even if only to love you. Now... now he knew his headmaster was right, he didn’t deserve to live, he hurt everyone around him, if the one that he loved the most in the world. The tears spilled from his eyes as if someone was dumping buckets of water. He felt your hand, shaking as it might be, it went to his face, brushing away the tears carefully, or maybe because you were afraid. He opened his eyes and saw you looking closely at him, studying his face. He placed his hand over top of yours, and he felt you tense up. God, he wished he were dead. He looked at your face, the frown that he had promised you he would never cause, the tear streaks on your cheeks, the redness in your eyes, everything that he had sworn he would never dream of doing to you, he had done it.
“Atsushi.... I’m sorry....” You murmured, and he looked at you as if you were crazy. Why were you sorry? You had no reason to be sorry. He told you that, mixed in with his own apologies. “Do you... still love me?” You asked him, your voice quiet, nervous, like the first day you had gone up to him and asked him if he wanted to go to lunch together. If his heart wasn’t already broken, that question alone would have ripped it to shreds.
“I do. I really do. I love you more than anything. I’m so sorry.” He moved to pull you into his lap, and you didn’t tense up this time, instead letting your head rest on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry I bothered you.” You murmured, your breath against his neck sent goosebumps across his skin. You were so innocent, so pure... he didn’t deserve you, yet you clung onto him like you were the one who needed him, when it was so obviously the other way around.
“Your love for me isn’t a bother. Don’t ever think that. Now, let me make sure you’re okay.”
Chuuya
The hours ticked by, and by the time he stumbled through the door you had passed out on the couch, a book propped open on your lap, the only light on was the one next to your head. The sound of the door being carelessly slammed shut startled you awake, and he gave you a slurred apology as he continued walking towards the bedroom.
“Fun night?” You called out to him, you had the feeling, it was deep in your stomach, it made you sick, and as much as you tried to fight the feeling off, you couldn’t keep it at bay, and it was further proved when the smell of cheap perfume drifted off his body and towards you when he walked by. It hung in the air, as if only to remind you that he couldn’t be trusted.
“What do you mean?” He was already on edge, he was always like this when he was drunk, every time he came back it was a different scent, but you brushed it off, and he’d always tell you it was because some girls just got too close, or brushed against him, but you couldn’t handle it anymore, you wouldn’t accept his excuses, you wouldn’t fall for his lies... not anymore.
“It was just a question Chuuya.” You said, his defensiveness always pissed you off. Why couldn’t he just be honest? What did he gain by stringing you along? What did you gain by going along with it?
“I don’t like your tone. You always accuse me whenever I’m out. Can’t I just enjoy a drink?” He shouted at you. So that’s how it’s going to be? That’s how it always was. The shouting and the screaming, you should have taken a few pain pills before bed, at least they would have kicked in by now so you wouldn’t get a headache from him.
“You can enjoy a drink without getting your dick wet, at least that’s what I thought.” You said calmly. You wouldn’t stoop to his level, you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he pissed you off.
“Oh here we go again! I’m so tired of explaining myself to you.”
“Lies aren’t explanations Chuuya.” You said, crossing your legs and folding your hands in your lap. He was seething, your calmness in situations like this always made him more angry than the situation itself. “I just want you to be honest with me.”
“Screw this! If you don’t trust me than just leave!” He huffed then turned away. He had never told you to leave before. “The bitches I find at the bar are better than you anyway.” He said snidely, stopping in his tracks just to look over his shoulder at you, sneering at you. He knew it would break you. Is that what he wanted to do?
Your hand instinctively went to your neck, your fingers toying with the pendant on the necklace that Chuu had gotten you. It comforted you mostly, but now.... you ripped it off your neck, the chain breaking as you pulled on it. You threw it across the room, and you finally broke down. He had admitted it, that’s what you wanted, right? You wanted him to be honest. Then why did it hurt so god damn much? Maybe because you wasted two years of your life, devoting yourself to this man, loving him with every ounce of your being, and he couldn’t even return half the favor by not fucking random girls he found while he was out getting wasted.
You pushed yourself up off the couch, making your way to the bedroom and grabbing a trash bag on the way there. You would pack your shit, pack it all up and leave. That’s what he told you to do, and you wouldn’t stick around any long just to be cheated on. No, you had more respect for yourself than that. You were better than that.
You threw all your clothes in the bag, emptying the drawers that Chuuya had once so proudly told you were yours. But you couldn’t think of that time, it would just make it harder on yourself. You fought back the tears as you finished clearing the room of everything that was yours, then dragged the bag behind you as you made your way to back into the sitting room.
Chuuya was sitting on the couch, his eyes glued to you. “What are you doing?” He asked, his eyes moving down the over stuffed trash bag behind you.
“I’m leaving. That’s what you wanted. That’s what’s best.” You said, nodding to him. You had to constantly tell yourself that, this was what’s best, for both of you. It made it easier for you to go through with leaving.
“Come on. Unpack your stuff, and then come sit with me. We’ll talk about this.” He said, trying so hard to coax you. His words came off as sincere, but his eyes told the truth. He was so manipulative. In the light next to the couch you caught a glimpse of the bite marks on his neck, they weren’t made by you. You hadn’t been with him in that way in so long.... they couldn’t have been made by you. He was finding his pleasure somewhere else now.
“I can’t do this anymore Chuuya.” The sight of the love bites helped you feel certain that you were making the right choice. He might’ve been the only one for you, but you were sure of it now that you weren’t his one and only.
“You make it sound that I’m an awful person!” He was shouting at you again, his trick hadn’t worked, and he was so sure that it would. You started moving towards the door again, you just wanted to leave. He was across the room so fast, you hadn’t even noticed he had moved until he had you pinned against the wall, one hand holding your arms above your head in a vice grip, the other one planted against the wall next to your head. “Why do you have to be such an idiot!?” He shouted, his face so close to yours, his breath reeked of alcohol, you could smell the perfume so clearly now, it was like whoever the girl was, was in the room right next to you.
“Chuuya, I just want to leave.” The words hurt to say, there was a dull ache in your heart for the man that you loved, the man who didn’t love you back. The tears stung your eyes, threatening to spill over at any time.
“I can’t let you leave. I can’t lose you.” He growled, his hands tightening around your wrists, it hurt so bad, and you tried to pull away, but he kept squeezing, not even realizing his own power, that is, until the bone snapped. He felt it break in his hands and you let out a scream, he pulled away quickly. He took a step back as you crumbled to the floor against the wall, your hands fell limp in your lap and the tears finally spilled out. He hurt you, it was one thing that he hurt you emotionally, to break you mentally, but physically... that was a first.
Both of your wrists were broken, it hurt like a bitch, but you bit your lip to keep from screaming about it. You didn’t look up at him, you didn’t want to see his face. But if you had seen him...
He completely sobered up, feeling the bones break beneath his own hands. What had he done? Seeing you curled into yourself, what kind of man was he? Every horrible thing he had said to you relayed through his mind, none of those things held a candles light in comparison to how much he had fucked up tonight, his own demons were ashamed of him. All this because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants, he knew it, he was the reason for all of this. He couldn’t just be happy with what he had, he always wanted more, and now look what he caused. He literally broke you in every way humanly possible to break a person. He knew telling you he loved you wouldn’t fix it, you wouldn’t even believe him if the words left his mouth. So he stood there, staring at you from across the room, the same way he had when you first walked into the bar, the first night he had seen you. He hair smoothly slid across the room until he made his way to you, offering to buy you a drink, that he wanted to take you home, and you had rejected him softly, telling him to call you when he was sober, while sliding him your phone number neatly written on a napkin. He had grown to love you more and more every day, for the past two years. What had happened in those last two months, what had changed? It wasn’t you... no... it was all him.
“Y/N....” He whispered your name, the words clung to the breath that left his lips, your name lingering in the air.
“Don’t... “ Your teeth were clenched, trying to fight back the urge to cry, or scream, or both.
Your pushed yourself off the floor, using the wall as support, scooting up to stand again. Your hands hung limp at your sides, any movement caused another shot of pain through your arm. “I’ll take you to the hospital.” He said, but he didn’t move. As much as he wanted to run across the room and take you in his arms, he knew better.
“I said don’t.... just.... stop Chuuya.” You were mentally and emotionally exhausted.
“Where are you gonna go?” He asked, his voice was sincere, and you could see the tears forming in his eyes. He finally realized he was losing you, if only he cared before.
“Don’t worry about it.” You mumbled, heading towards the door, the ache in your arm from carrying your bag was nothing compared the ache in your heart.
He watched from across the room, the door being pulled shut behind you. You were finally leaving, you had had enough of his shit. He crumbled to the floor, his head in his hands. He cried until there were no tears left, screamed until his voice cracked. He fucked up, too many times, and he finally lost you.
Akutagawa
He walked up to his apartment, pulling the key from his coat pocket to unlock the door. He was exhausted, work had been hell today, and all he wanted was to call you, hear your voice as he laid in bed and slowly fell asleep. You had that affect on him, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, you made him happy, happier than he could ever be.
He pushed the door open, all the lights were off, but he heard something, someone moving around. He tensed up, who the hell would be ballsy enough to break into his apartment? That’s when he saw the shadow, coming closer to him. Rashomon shot out of him, quickly striking the intruder in the chest. That’s when he heard it, the quiet whimper echoed through the room. He heard it before, only not this pained. He flicked the light switch, and as soon as he saw it, he felt like he was going to throw up. He pulled Rashomon back, and he was over to you in a second, catching you before you hit the floor.
“What the hell were you doing?!” He screamed at you, but he knew he shouldn’t be, not when you were like this.
“I just... wanted to see you.” You coughed, the blood was pooling in your mouth, but you smiled, and he couldn’t understand it. Why did you still look so happy? “I was.... going to.... surprise you.” Your breathing was labored, and he was panicking.
“Stop talking, shut up. I have to get you to the hospital.”
“Were you... surprised?” You asked, the blood in your mouth spilling over, dripping down to your chin.
“Please, stop talking.” He begged, he didn’t want you to use all your energy just to ask stupid questions. He lifted you in his arms, cradling you like a baby. Your arms feebly wrapped around his neck, and he noticed you winced in pain with every step he took. “I’m... you’re going to be okay.” He murmured to you, but as he pressed his cheek against your forehead he felt you getting colder. He started sprinting, struggling to hold you while pulling his phone out of his pocket with the other hand.
“I-it’s okay....” Your voice was barely that of a whisper, but it froze him. How was any of this okay? He wanted to smack you, smack that smile off your face. “If I die-“
“Shut up.” He didn’t want you to finish the sentence, he didn’t want to think of you dying. No, he wouldn’t allow it.
“I’m glad I got to see your face.... before I do.” Your breathing was slow, raspy, your heart beat was erratic.
He clenched his teeth, he wouldn’t lose you. He held the phone to his ear with his shoulder, yelling at the dispatcher on the other end. He needed an ambulance, and he needed one now.
You were going limp, your face was pale, but you still had that smile, the smile that he had fallen in love with. “I’m not going to let you die.” He murmured to you.
The ambulance pulled up out front of the complex, and he didn’t wait for the medics to come to you. He ran to them, laying you down gently on the stretcher in the back. “Save her!” He growled. They knew who he was, everyone did. He didn’t care that the police had a bounty on his head, that he was a sought after criminal. If he got arrested he wouldn’t even care, as long as you were alive.
The doctors had managed, doing everything they could to keep you breathing, even if it was with a machine. Akutagawa sat in the chair next to the bed, his hand holding yours tightly. You had a tube down your throat, and another one in your nose. You looked grey under the fluorescent lighting, and seeing you this way made him hate himself. He had caused this, he was the reason. The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the only thing that kept him from going insane, knowing that your heart was still beating gave him some kind of hope, knowing that you were still alive.
“I was surprised.” He whispered to you, answering your question from before, hoping that you would hear him.
You had been asleep for hours after coming out of surgery. Hell, it might’ve been days. He hadn’t left the room, hadn’t left your side since you had been in the hospital. Nurses would tell him visiting hours were over, and he’d shoot them a look and they’d cower.
He dozed off, exhaustion finally getting the best of him. His head rested on your lap on the bed, it wasn’t the comfiest position to sleep in, but he couldn’t fit on the bed next to you, not with all the tubes and wires connected.
He didn’t know how long he had slept, it didn’t feel like that long though, when he felt a hand going through his hair. It was the gentlest touch, soothing. His eyes shot open, and he sat up straight. Your hand dropped to the bed.
Your mouth opened to speak, but you couldn’t get a word out. “Shh... don’t. I’m here.” He tried to calm you, his hand reaching up to brush your face. You leaned into his touch, smiling weakly at him. He had almost killed you, yet you still looked so happy to see him. Why? Did he even deserve someone like you? Someone who loved him so unconditionally, that you’d look happy even after what he did? The thought alone made him sick.
You reached for the notepad and pen that was left on your bedside table, and he watched you scribble out something before handing it to him.
Thank you for staying with me. I’m sorry I scared you. I wanted to see you, and surprise you. Stupid me. I’m not mad. I love you.
He read it over and over, glancing up over the notebook at you occasionally. You were still smiling, even with all the tubing, all the IV’s, you were smiling.
“I wouldn’t think of leaving you right now. Not now, not ever.” He said it sternly, but he knew that you knew it was sincere. Your hand reached out to touch his face, and he leaned over to let you. Your fingers were cold as you ran them over his cheeks, he was so used to being the cold one that it actually made him shiver. You pulled your hand back at his reaction, but he quickly placed it back. “It’s fine.” He reassured you, holding his hand over yours.
You finally got to leave the hospital, it didn’t take as long as he thought it would. He had the doctors check you over constantly, much to your annoyance.
“Aku I’m fine.” You’d complain, and he’d just shake his head, ordering the nurses and doctors to check your stitches and your vitals once more before you got discharged.
“Maybe just... stay at my apartment. Until you get better.” He said nervously. He was so scared of something like this happening again, he didn’t want to hurt you, so if you just stayed at his place he would know that you were there and he wouldn’t be surprised.
“I am better.” You said lightly, and he sighed. He would have been annoyed, but he was so happy to hear your voice, especially after the tubes had kept you from talking. “But, I’ll stay at your place, as long you let me sleep in your bed.” You joked, and he rolled his eyes. He gripped your hand tighter as he walked out of the hospital with you. He would take care of you, he would protect you from everything, and everyone.
“Shut up. Let’s go home.”
