Just Random Things

quick shitpost before bed

wine drunk is the best drunk. makes u horny & intellectual. a lust-filled academic

I CANT GET OVER THE LECTURES MY HISTORY PROFESSOR RECORDED FOR US, HIS DAUGHTER KEEPS WALKING IN ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY & ADORABLE???

reblog if you appreciate fairy barbie 👊😔

update:

:DD

UNMUTE THIS IM BEGGING YOU

I had a dream last night that I was at a coffee shop and there was a drink called ‘fistbumping lesbians’ and it was a seven shot caramel latte

I start work super early tomorrow so guess who’s gonna make herself a fistbumping lesbians at the start of her shift

Behold the fistbumping lesbians

Jsyk this thing could wake the dead

4 hours later: I’m fricken ZAZZED you guys

Me rn

This is… not usually what is meant by “follow your dreams”…

20,000 flies tied to strings pull my lifeless body into the sky

you would not believe your eyes

if 20,000 tethered flies

hoisted my corpse into the sky

plot twist: the introverted character who doesn’t like big social gatherings or speaking in front of people is still an introvert by the end of the story because introversion is not a character flaw and it doesn’t need to be overcome 

Look, I’ll go on your stupid adventure, but you better leave me the fuck alone when we get back. 

This is the plot of shrek

Anyome wanna be Pokemon Go friends or something?

#So that was a fucking lie

Please unmute this it is exactly what you think it is and it’s hilarious.

Bugs Bunny could singlehandedly defeat Thanos by dressing up as a TSA agent and setting up a metal detector in the middle of the battlefield saying that all metal objects must be removed if you want to pass on through now stick around for my 2,000 word essay on just how effectively he would convince The Mad Titan to comply

“For shame, doc! Dontcha know we got other folks waiting?”

(Thanos looks behind him and sees dozens of Bugs Bunnies dressed as angry yelling travelers with huge bags of luggage. Thanos rubs his neck guiltily and begins sliding off the gauntlet)

I felt compelled

I don’t think I’ve seen such a finely crafted Looney Toons joke in over two decades. Bravo.

“Roses Are Red, Doritos Are Savory, The US Prison System is Legalized Slavery”