😹😹😹❤️

getting surgery to give me a second head so i can tell twice as many lies as usual

and suck twice as much dick i fucking guess. that's what you all want to hear isn't it.

Will I find a slice of cucumber if I do that?

you’ll find a beating heart goddamnit

someone said we had more fun in childhood because we didnt have any past memories to linger on and it has stuck with me ever since

i love my mutuals because we never talk but we still… like… follow each other……….. and i admire that we stick together even tho there is no communication in the slightest………u kno what i mean… hello…

diversity loss this trans man is just as much of an emotionally unavailable avoidantly attached brick as any cis guy

he has a pussy yes but does he have a heart. post cancelled that sounds like a taylor swift lyric

my boy he has a pussy but he doesn't have a heart

he's playing games with me just like i'm mario from kart

i'm a published writer btw

My only real and valid writing tip is that you google every word you make up for your fantasy stories. That's It

there won't be any results though because you just made it up

One time I made up a name for a character and after googling it discovered it was a Zimbabwean slur

“Do you see me as cattle to milk whenever you grow thirsty” was really something

mother please how will we survive the winter

I think when anyone is trying to write a child, start from here because this is EXACTLY how I remember feeling as a child.

One of my favourite mundane weirdnesses about Edinburgh is that we set the big clock visible approaching the station to be 3 minutes fast to make sure people are on time for their trains. My Favourite mundane weirdness of Edinburgh is that we check this by firing a cannon.

Sorry, a cannon?

Every day but Sunday :)

@calamitys-child I hope you don’t mind me pulling your tags out for posterity

Wait, is the cannon set to Big Clock Time or Actual Time?

Cannon set to real time, big clock check themselves against it to make sure they're just slightly ahead! And it fires blank, though I worked out the range of it once and figured out if we ever loaded it I could put a hole in my mate's roof

its insane to me that people do not eat their food from bite theyre going to enjoy least to the one theyre going to enjoy most. like you bithes just eat at random? what if the last bite sucks? have yall not suffered enough? 🤨

Sees a piece of media has SungWon Cho in it: It's prozd! my friend prozd! we went to tumblr posts together

I think the most fun part of monsters inc is boo calling sulley “kitty” and mike wazowski by full government name