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tender

@martyrdean / martyrdean.tumblr.com

dean winchester and all other soft things ~ var fhs = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id = "5070176"; var ref = (''+document.referrer+'');var pn = window.location;var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; fhs.src = "http://freehostedscripts.net/ocounter.php?site="+fhs_id+"&e1=&e2=&r="+ref+"&wh="+w_h+"&a=1&pn="+pn+""; document.head.appendChild(fhs);document.write("<span id='o_"+fhs_id+"'>");
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types of people

2am - city lights from a high rise, dusty book piles, tired eyes, writing stories, indie concerts, procrastination, denim jackets, classic movies, writing in a diary, impulse shopping, plants on the window ledge

5am - evening drives, dark circles under eyes, neon lights, vivid dreams, broken handwriting, 90s music, leather jackets, tousled hair, late night phone calls, silver necklaces, flannel around their waist

10am - soft blankets, lover of routine, acoustic songs, good grades, bullet journals, pastels and plants, sweet coffee, freshly baked bread, cat washi tape, cozy apartment, long winter coats over turtle neck jumpers, tote bags

1pm - yellow socks, doodles, doc martens, strawberries in the garden, sunflower daydreams, pictures of clouds and best friends, a handful of flowers, peach slices, paint smears on clothes

5pm - gold sunlight, peach ice tea, whispered secrets, swimming in the lake, roses on the wall, french pastries, learning foreign words, soft voices, bike rides and summer picnics, wax stamped envelopes

7pm - dreamy sunsets, evening laughter, cursive handwriting, glossy makeup, soft lighting, photo booths, cherry ice cream, sparkling ocean waves, vintage mirrors, sweet tangerines on a balcony, flowers in a bath

11pm - scented candles, unwanted nostalgia, existential questions, sadness without reason, sitting in the dark and watching the stars, associating songs with past lovers, soft heart, oversized jumpers

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reblogged
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crvdematter
AU’S NOBODY ASKED FOR
↳ Dean is his Father’s favorite Doll.
He doesn’t remember a lot from before. He remembers the weight of a gun in his hands. He remembers a room with unkempt beds and blank walls. And then, his Father came through a door and smiled at him.
He remembers being afraid.
He isn’t now, not anymore. Father has been good to him, even back when Dean was trying to escape. He gave him a big room, sheltered away from the world. He kept him fed and clothed, read him bedtime stories, made sure to eat in Dean’s company as often as possible.
Father never hurt him, even when he had to draw Dean’s blood. He used to whisper to his ear that he was his favorite, that his blood was so sweet and that he bruised so prettily. Father often told him that he felt selfish to keep him so sheltered but he knows his people’s hunger too well.
— My children, Doll, they are… violent, Father says to him one day. Messy. They don’t care properly for their food. They don’t know how to make it last, how to savor the blood. They would tear your pretty skin apart without caring - but I care so much about you, Dean. That’s why I had to keep you away. Do you understand, Doll?
Dean nods. He loves it when Father calls him Doll. He keep writing the word with drops of the blood Father takes from him. Father smiles, his lips tinted in red, and ruffles his hair with affection.
— One day, I will teach you how to be one of us, Doll. One day, you will become my favorite child.
Dean smiles brightly. He can’t wait for the day to come.
(Dean is taken as a child to become the Alpha’s Vampire’s human blood bag.)
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the best part for me, in that scene between Dean and Mary, was Dean asking Mary, begging Mary to ‘see him’. to turn around and SEE Dean. the way he repeated it was heartbreaking. that need for someone, for one of his parents  to please, look him and see not the hunter, not the bigbrother/substitute parent, not the little child Mary misses and remembers, not the role he has in the family, in the universe– just look at him and see, simply, Dean.

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“And I couldn’t do it.”

It kills me that “And I couldn’t do it” was to mean despite his hardest, Dean still couldn’t keep his brother safe. It was so cathartic to get to hear him voice that weight of being given an impossible task, but hearing him list all the ways he feels he failed to keep his brother safe broke my heart.

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reblogged

dean-centric kid episode: i got caught stealing food and was abandoned at a boys’ home to be taught a lesson for not providing better, along with implications of having been physically abused for it. sam-centric kid episode: a supernatural babysitter imagined itself into existence because i couldn’t have nachos.

and just to be clear i’m not saying that sam had an easy non-abusive childhood but i literally can’t get over them coming up with an episode (11x08) that managed to shame a child for not providing for his little brother perfectly.

on the other hand i didn’t view bad boys as an anti-dean episode at all. in fact, that and alex annie alexis ann were incredibly important in illustrating particularly damaging aspects of dean’s childhood (the latter indirectly), and how longterm effects of that kind of abuse contributed to his decisions that season.

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deandelreys

me when i think about dean shooting azazel in the head after being underestimated and being told how worthless he is: 💕💞💓💗💖💘💝💘💖💗💓💞💕💞💓💗💖💘💝💘💖💗💓💞💕💞💓💗💖💘💝💘💖💗💓💞💕

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