Lᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ʏᴏᴜ ғɪɢʜᴛ.

secretly dating aus might be my favourite aus

• you look so hot but i can’t go near you with all these people around so i’m just going to send you dirty texts until we get an opportunity to leave without looking suspicious
• we were snuggling in our underwear when my roommate came home early from vacation now you have to try and sneak down the fire escape while i distract them with really terrible small talk
• we made the mutual decision to go to this party separately and when i arrived there was this asshole flirting with you and i’m trying not to make it obvious i’m seething with jealousy but it’s really difficult
• we were fooling around in my car and you accidentally left your sexy underwear in the back seat which one of our friends finds just as we’re about to go on a really long, awkward road trip
• my friend set me up on a blind date and i can’t really refuse because they think i’ve been single for ages so they think they’re doing me a favour and we have a massive fight about it that ends with us saying “i love you” for the first time

secretly dating aus give me life

starter call!!

i want a poly ship i want a poly ship i want a poly ship i want a poly ship

“I’ll make it very clear: you slip me the cash, and I’ll slip you the weiner.” “Don’t fuck with the babysitter.” “Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.” “Get out of my house!” “I can only dream about having somebody like her as a girlfriend, but you’ve got her, and you treat her like this?” “Don’t waste your time, half pint. Her legs are locked together at the knee.” “I’d love to hit you. I’d love to pound on your face!” “You’re so slimy, I won’t sink to your level.” “If you give me any grief I swear to God I’ll kill you. Dead, murdered, stabbed.” “Get in the car and run him over.” “How could a righteous babe like you be lonely?” “That’s the sweetest thing anybody’s ever said to me.” “My only shot at ever being in a gang fight and all I get is one stitch?” “Tonight is going to be the greatest night of your life.” “I am not losing anything, I am still in control here! Got it?” “I’m trying to get a date, you’re cramping my style!” “Girls like you come along once in a lifetime.” “And you’re just a girl in love with an asshole.” “I got a little banged up.”

“Great Scott!” “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” “This is heavy.” “Why do you keep calling me Calvin?” “It’s written all over your underwear.” “Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!” “I finally invent something that works!” “Maybe you were adopted.” “I guess you aren’t ready for that yet.” “You look so familiar to me. Do I know your mother?” “Are you sure about this storm?” “Since when can weathermen predict the weather, let alone the future?” “You’ve really made a difference in my life. You’ve given me something to shoot for.” “I’m really gonna miss you.” “Even if your intentions are good, it can backfire drastically!” “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.” “What the hell is a gigawatt?” “It’s not like I’ve never parked before.” “You seem so nervous. Is something wrong?” “I swiped it from the old lady’s liquor cabinet.” “If you let people walk over you now, they’ll be walking over you for the rest of your life.” “I figured, what the hell?” “Since you’re new here, I’m gonna cut you a break, today.” “Why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here?” “I thought I told you never to come in here.” “I’m your density.” “I’ve never picked a fight in my entire life.” “I can’t keep up of all of your boyfriends!” “History is gonna change.” “One rejection isn’t the end of the world.” “What are you looking at, butthead?” “I’m gonna get that son of a bitch.” “Say hi to your mom for me.” “Where are my pants?” “I’ve never seen purple underwear before!” “I have your car towed all the way to your house and all you got for me is lite beer?” “You really think I ought to swear?”

“We don’t have a candy machine in the boy’s room!” “I’m not particularly concerned with whether or not you like me.” “I can’t believe you’re saying this.” “She thinks you’re shit. And deep down, you know she’s right.” “It’s called a sense of humor - you should get one - they’re nice.” “C'mon, I’m talking about more than just sex here.” “You know, I’ve been out with a lot of girls at this school. I don’t see what makes you so different.” “I have taste.” “You’re a bitch” “I’m off like a dirty shirt.” “I just want them to know that they didn’t break me.” “You don’t have the guts to tell me the truth.” “That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name!” “You know what an older women does for me?” “May I admire you?” “Drinking and driving don’t mix – that’s why I ride a bike.” “Why don’t you just… nail her, and get it over with?” “Why are you getting involved?” “I’m getting really bored with this conversation, all right?” “If you want your piece of low-grade ass, fine.” “Does he have… strong lips?” “This is a really volcanic ensemble you’re wearing, it’s really marvelous!” “I believed in you. I just didn’t believe in me.” “Good Morning! Welcome to another day of higher education!” “This is an incredibly romantic moment, and you’re ruining it for me!” “Love’s a bitch.” “Do you hear yourself? Do you hear the same asshole shit I hear?” “What, do I have to spell it out for you?” “Nobody appreciates your sense of humor.” “Why don’t you go to take a shower, you look like shit.”

“We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.” “I’ll do anything sexual. I don’t need a million dollars to do it either.” “I’m a nymphomaniac.” “I’m not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.” “If you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have you’re a slut. It’s a trap.” “You’re a tease and you know it.” “Why don’t you just answer the question?” “What do you need a fake I.D. for?” “You wanna come over sometime?” “Eat my shorts.” “I’m doing society a favor.” “You really think I give a shit?” “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” “Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.” “Why are you being so nice to me?” “Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat’s what it is.” “When you grow up, your heart dies.” “I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.” “I could disappear forever and it wouldn’t make any difference.” “I might as well not even exist at this school, remember?” “You’re so pathetic.” “Don’t you ever compare yourself to me.” “Do you know how popular I am? I am so popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.” “You won’t accept a guy’s tongue in your mouth, and you’re going to eat that?” “I’m telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?” “You have problems.” “Speak for yourself.” “You’re kind of sexy when you’re angry.” “Would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?” “I don’t think either one of them gives a shit about me. It’s like they use me just to get back at each other.” “Being bad feels pretty good, huh?” “You ask me one more question and I’m beating the shit out of you.” “Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off… “

“It’s our time down here.” “Just throw everything into cardboard boxes.” “Always separate the drugs.” “I want you to spill your guts, tell us everything!” “I’m not all alone in the dark. I like the dark. I love the dark.” “That was so nice of you.” “If you do a bad job you’ll be locked in here with the cockroaches for two weeks without food or water.” “You know, your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn’t screwing it up.” “Your looks are kind of pretty when your face isn’t screwing it up.” “C'mon, give me a lickery kiss!” “Hey, are you hungry? I got a Baby Ruth.” “You’re even hungrier than I am.” “Is this supposed to be water?” “I’m setting booty traps.” “Looks fine to me.” “Okay, this is the little boys’ room, and that cave over there is the little girls’ room.” “Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It’s a whole different experience.” “Senior Jerk Alert!” “I’m gonna hit you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of style!” “What happened to your braces?” “You know, I just want to say thank you. For offering to save my life.” “Man! You smell like Phys Ed!” “Watch your hair! Watch your hair! They’re goin’ for the hair!” “My God, I’m in a crazy house!” “This is ridiculous. It’s crazy. I feel like I’m babysitting, except I’m not getting paid.” “I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life!” “First, you gotta do the truffle shuffle.” “I’m pretty much ODing on all your bullshit stories!” “You’ve got a great body.”

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” “You’re my hero.” “A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself.” “I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off people.” “You can’t respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn’t work.” “Pardon my French, but you’re an asshole!” “Look, don’t make me participate in your stupid crap if you don’t like the way I do it.” “It is his fault he didn’t lock the garage.” “I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life.” “You’re still here? It’s over!” “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.” “It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” “Your ass is mine.” “You realize if we played by the rules right now we’d be in gym?” “The city looks so peaceful from up here.”  “Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet.” “I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body.” “Gummi bear? It’s been in my pocket; they’re real warm and soft.” “You killed the car.” “You have nothing to worry about. I’m a professional.” “I think we should shoot her.” “What are you interested in?” “Get off of the float!” “In a nutshell: I hate my brother.” “Are you suggesting that I’m not who I say I am?” “You’re a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion.” “I asked for a car, I got a computer. How’s that for being born under a bad sign?” “Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to.” “Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.” “Go piss up a flagpole.” “You heartless wench!” “I weep for the future.” “If you’re not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend.” “You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do.” “Do you have a kiss for daddy?” “What a little asshole.” “You sounded like Dirty Harry just then.” “You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she’s a whore.” “I can’t drive when you’re yelling at me!” “Smile, babe. Just smile…”

“Do you wanna kiss me?” “I get the feeling you’ve been kissed a lot, and I’m afraid I’d suffer by comparison.” “I thought only pansies wore neckties.” “I thought only assholes used the word ‘pansy’.” “Son of a bitch is gonna pay for that!” “Hey, hey! What’s this I see? I thought this was a party.” “I’m no saint you know. I’m not even a virgin.” “Don’t you talk like that here!” “How come you don’t like me?”  “What makes you think that I don’t like you?”  “You never talk to me at school. You never look at me!” “I see you chasing after her and I see her running from you.” “I was almost jealous.” “Sometimes people run out of things to say.” “Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men’s clothes where you got that?” “I thought I was alone.” “You want out of here so bad you probably memorize bus schedules.” “Who were you with?” “I don’t want you to see him anymore.” “I’ve heard he’s a troublemaker.” “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.” “You like it or not, this is it. It doesn’t get much better.” “I just don’t know that I believe in everything you believe in. But I believe in you.” “If you ask me, he’s a total fox.” “It seems that a lot of people are pointing the finger in your direction lately.” “You figured where there’s smoke there’s fire, right?” “You’ve got an attitude problem.” “Is that what I get, huh? I treated you decent!” “I was about through with you anyway!” “No fights, you don’t even know this guy.”

starter call!!