I could really go for someone cutting me some slack? Or perchance a break? Would appreciate some good vibes, tbh.

God damn am I anxious today. I just can't get a footing to stand on. I just feel so uneven and unstable. Like I know I'm okay, I know I'm fine but I'll be standing around at work between tasks and just feel overcome with anxiety and worry. I just woke up on edge and I'm not having a fun time.

It's coming up on 3 years since my Grandpa passed away, and grief tends to make you think about people we've lost. I've been thinking about this time my grandfather gave me this mini fridge that had been sitting in their garage for years. It was disgusting, so I cleaned it out and sanitize it all by myself, being really careful because I didn't want the mold to come back or spread from a little spot I may have missed. I had it from about 3 years before I determined I didn't need it, a friend did. So I gave it to them. My grandpa finds out through the grapevine and gets mad at me about it. I told him that I didn't need it, it served my purpose and someone needed it more than me. The one time I won an argument with him because he knew I did the right thing and his anger went to pride. Makes me miss him.

God fucking damn it, I'm tired of survival and struggle. If someone could spare a few grand, let me know lol

I'm really going through it rn and it sucks lmao

Literally in love with someone who I *know* doesn't see me the same way and honestly? It fucking sucks but I'm also glad that I have her in my life and she's an amazing friend and hella supportive and so like??? Idk man

In a lot of ways, I wish I was back then. With the knowledge I have now or not, I'd go back. For just a day or two. I took for granted how much easier it was. How little I had to worry about. My biggest worry was how I was going to do on a history exam. Or when I was going to be able to go on a date with my then girlfriend. I wonder how she's doing. Hopefully well, I wish nothing but the best for her honestly. The things I could apologize for... But I digress. It was simpler then. It was, in a way, happier. Now that's not to say that I'm not happy now, I have plenty I'm happy about in my life. I love my current relationship, my partner is so loving and supportive. I don't feel like I deserve her in the slightest. I love being out of my parents place. Close but far enough to have my distance. I'm happy now but it was easy then. That's the tough part of growing up.