Avatar

Nerd writer and artist

@sb-essebi / sb-essebi.tumblr.com

Hi, my name is Sari! / they/them / 28 / Pansexual / Autistic / ADHD. Personal blog and fanfiction/art blog. Multifandom. nsfw tagged as #goodoldlemons, triggering stuff tagged (ask if you would like something tagged)
Avatar

About:

Hi, my name is Sari! They/them. 1995. Pansexual. Autistic. ADHD. Writer. Trying to get back into drawing and painting but bad at it for now.

Safe space for ALL queer people including trans, ace, aro, intersex, polyam, etc you name it! For disabled and neurodivergent people, for Muslim and Jewish people and BIPOC. Pro-kink, pro-sex work.

If I blocked you it’s because you posted something I didn’t like, could be as little as a really stupid take about my favourite character or as big as a homophobic rant. I don’t care. My blog is my safe space and I don’t want to see stuff that I don’t vibe with on it. I use the block button very liberally and I think that’s very healthy and sexy of me.

Any hate or discourse in my notes or askbox gets blocked. I don’t feed trolls.

I was depressed and suicidal for 10+ years and have PTSD. I know what it’s like. If you’re in a bad place and you want to talk to a stranger, I’m here (yes, really). If you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself or self-harm, this is it: hold on one more day for me. Eat something and drink some water. Remember to take your medication.

Oh, and for the love of god install uBlockOrigin (blocks all ads on youtube and tumblr) and use firefox instead of chrome! It doesn’t sell your data.

Avatar

woke up with a very sore throat and a very runny nose, which is completely unfair because for once I wore my coat and scarf and everything

Avatar

hey has tumblr.com as in like the actual website itself been running like dogshit lately. load times have been atrocious. stuff just isn't working. etc.

oh this is because tumblr was storing THREE FUCKING GIGABYTES OF SITE DATA IN MY BROWSER CACHE

FOR COMPARISON:

Avatar
Avatar
meowydoe

”I know nobody cares but I finally cleaned my room after a whi-“ ME!!!! I CARE!!!!!!!!! I CARE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE AMAZING!!! KEEP GOING!!!!!!!! IM PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Avatar
reblogged

Hob hates changing lives.

He tells himself he likes it, a year or so in. He tells himself he enjoys the variety, the meeting new people, and seeing new sights. And he does. Just . . . not now. Now when he's still mourning his old life.

He sits on the couch—a new one, not the one that's formed to him over the last twenty years—and sighs as he stares at the few boxes he was able to bring with him. The small flat in Cardiff was fine, arguably lovely, in fact. He's been excited about it when he's first done the paperwork, and there's a distant part of himself that's still excited. But as he looks up at the unfamiliar walls and listens to the unfamiliar sounds of the street and city below, Hob can't help but feel trapped.

He can't go back. Not for a while. Not until he's forgotten in people's minds. He won't see the New Inn again or any of his friends from KCL or the Chens who knew his order by heart because he couldn't go more than two weeks without craving their food.

Robert Golding was gone to the world. Now he's just Rob Garroway—a nobody who lives in Cardiff who does . . . something. Hob hasn't actually gotten that far into figuring out what job he'll pick up this go-around. Maybe he'll try his hand at writing something other than historical essays for the university. Or maybe he'll buy a boat and become a fisherman. Lots of choices. All of them too overwhelming to even think about.

He collapses into the still-to-firm couch and tosses his arm over his eyes. The day is still young—its barely past one in the afternoon—and already he's exhausted. He can feel that familiar weight settling into his bones, holding him close to the earth. He doesn't even know any good take-out joints yet because Lord knows he won't have any energy to cook for the next week. Or two. Or more.

A problem for future him. For now, Hob turns into the back of the couch, face hidden from the sun and the foreign place he now calls home, closes his eyes, and sleeps.

His dreams are quiet and dull, something he's used to happening around times like this. It seems even his melancholy ebbs into his subconscious. Hob slowly opens his eyes into the grey fabric of the sofa. It's darker out than it was before, though much of the light is still blocked by how far tucked-in his face is.

Hob wonders, briefly, if Dream can tell something's off with him. He'd told him last they met—about a month ago now—that he was moving, that he'd spent too long in this life and had to leave. He wonders if Dream even realized he's moved. Time works funny where he's from Hob had been told. S'why he doesn't get too upset if he doesn't see his friend for months at a time (though he prefers the times when he'd see him a few times a week).

It's a week later when he gets his answer.

Hob had been living off cheap take-out and coffee from the café across the street as he tried to work up the energy to do anything, really. He managed to unpack one box that held some cups and silverware, though half of it just rests on the kitchen counters, waiting to be put in a new home. Most of the daytime, he'd spent setting up his new phone and his (albeit minimal) digital footprint and then proceeded to watch the endless amount of cheap entertainment the internet provides.

He did finally watch that Netflix special that Joan had told him to watch multiple times. Too bad he can't call her up and tell her how much he enjoyed it. Which, after realizing that, sent him into another mop session that ended with him staring blankly at the other side of his shower as he sat in the stream of water until it got cold.

Hob counts it as a win that he showered. Technically.

When Dream shows up out of nowhere, as he is want to do, Hob doesn't flinch from his spot on his bed but does think he probably looks a right mess for his friend, though he doesn't have much energy in him to care.

"You have spent much time in my realm as of late. More than is common for mortals."

Hob shrugs, staring up at the ceiling. "Maybe I just enjoy your realm. S'quite nice."

From the corner of his eye, he can see Dream frown. The dark figure walks closer until he's at the edge of the bed, leaning over it as his eyes rake across Hob's face.

"Something troubles you."

Hob doesn't reply immediately. He just sighs, debating whether or not it's worth trying to explain the heaviness in him and the why of it. But he also knows his silence is an answers in itself.

"Hob," Dream says. Tilting his head much like he's seen Matthew do before. Hob angles his head on his pillow to look up into the star-filled eyes above him. "We are friends. As such, if I can be of assistance, you need but ask."

Hob smiles weakly. "I'll be okay, Dream. Just . . . need a bit of time to settle in, that's all. It's always like this after a move. Don't fret over me."

Dream frowns further. "You are unhappy."

Hob huffs. "Kinda. Yeah."

Dream stares down at him for a while as if he could peel back the layers of Hob's mind and pluck the sadness right out of it. Hell, maybe he can somehow. It feels like everything he talks of himself, Hob learns about a new power of his.

Then, with only a shallow nod of his head, Dream slides onto the bed beside Hob with ease. He's pulled against Dream's chest, a strong and lithe arm Curls around him. Hob's got his face pressed right against the dip of his collarbone. It's the closest he's ever been to him before. He's so close he can smell him, what little scent there is.

"Dream?" His heart races in his chest and he knows without a doubt Dream can feel it.

"I apologize," Dream says. Hob can feel a nose nuzzle into the top of his head. "It had been a brief daydream, one I had not intended to see. But it was clear and refined even in its brevity. You have thought of this often."

Well. Hob wasn't about to lie about it.

"Yeah. Yeah I have."

"And does this make you feel happier?"

" . . . Yeah."

"Then rest, Hob Gadling. I will stay here as long as you wish me to."

Tears prick at Hob's eyes, but he blinks them away. "Be careful what you offer. I might want to keep you here with me forever." He feels Dream's grip tighten and a kiss is placed upon his forehead.

"Then so be it."

Avatar

Do other writers ever get this like, hyper-specific dialogue exchange drop into their brains and you know exactly where these character are standing and what they’re doing and how they’re saying these words but that’s all you get. You don’t have much other context and this specific moment that exists only at this time in your headspace??

Avatar

how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)

there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~

I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:

  • url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, it’s just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant
  • url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first 
  • url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isn’t as perfect at finding everything, but it’s generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it “look at my croissant”) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it won’t necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find it’s still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order
  • url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case you’re taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memes 
  • url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now
  • url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if you’re looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc
  • url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if you’re looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quickly 
  • url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I don’t know why you have audio posts tagged croissant) 

the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog! 

caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks. 

if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else

if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims) 

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first 

I’ve been here since 2016 and I didn’t realize this.

Time to go deep diving into my tags!

I suspect it was a previous version of this post which taught me about /chrono which I have found invaluable.

/archive/tagged/ is also probably more useful than I realize but I don’t remember to try it very often

Avatar
reblogged

One of the most life-changing things I ever learned came from Mythbusters, where they tested and proved (with cognitive testing puzzles and reaction time tests) that lying down and resting with the intention to sleep STILL provided significant mental benefits over just staying awake, even if a person couldn’t fall asleep in the amount of time they had. 

It helps me to actually sleep to know that just lying down with my eyes closed is still doing me some good, and helps me to not freak out/beat myself up when I stay up later than intended. Any amount of rest is better than no rest!

So if you didn’t know that…now you do

Avatar
rogha

do you know that i think of this post every time i can’t sleep op. what mythbusters did for you, you have done for a great many others. 

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.