Tell me God, why never me?

I watch my friends as they go on dates and have fun with boys but why never me?

I know you have a plan and things come on your time but I am human.

I still ask, why?

Why do no guys show interest?

Do I look unapproachable?

LORD AM I THAT UGLY TO LOOK AT THEY COULD NOT IMAGINE WAKING UP TO ME DAILY?!

Why am I not ready?

Why is it not apart of your plan?

Why do I care?

Why do I even think about the possibility of a love from a boy, scratch that, a man?

Why do no men look at me?

Call me pretty?

Or even care to know my name?

Lord... am I that ugly that no one can even look at my face?...

or could even imagine a life with me?

“No not Kaylee she’s just a friend... she could never be more”

THAT’S JUST A CRAZY CONCEPT ISN’T?!

Kaylee being more than a friend.

“Kaylee you’re cool.”

“Everyone likes you, Kaylee.”

“Kaylee you’re nice.”

“Kaylee the best friend.”

“Kaylee you are AWESOME.”

“Just not girlfriend material.”

And why does this matter?

It shouldn’t, but it hurts me.

Could someone call me pretty?

Could someone like me more than just a friend?

Could JUST SOMEONE EVER just like me more than “just friends”.

“not friends”

Do I really have friends? Sure of course I do... But really do you have friends? By what definition? KAYLEE DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS?! Honestly I don’t know. People that I thought were friends are now toxic... And what I mean by that is they tend to have mean girl tendencies... And what I mean by that is maybe I’m over thinking again... But Do they realize what they are doing? Do they realize what they are saying? Do they realize the impact the words that come out of their mouth have? Do they know I’m hurting? Do they mean to ignore me? What I mean is do they mean to be disconnected? I TRY SO HARD TO THE BEST PERSON TOWARDS EVERYONE AND TO BE EVERYONES FRIEND BUT THEY ALWAYS IGNORE ME!!! HELLO I’M HERE CAN YOU SEE ME?! I’m waving through the window and no one is looking at me. It’s not about me. I’m not their problem. I shouldn’t always think about the way I feel There are people who have it worse Stop complaining about your problems Care for others, worry for others , pray for others, treat other the way YOU would want to be treated and MAYBE ONE DAY THEY WILL LOOK! Maybe one day they will look at me. Maybe one day they’ll see me. Actually SEE ME... Maybe someone COULD HELP ME FOR ONCE I’M ALWAYS THERE FOR OTHERS WHERE ARE THEY?! where are you?

jams

starting a collage on my computer

was listening to this again.

it always makes me emotional.

every. single. time.