trash

2020 should be the year you stop “saving” things. That fancy soap you got as a gift, those cute stickers you’ve been holding onto, that show you’ve been meaning to watch. Enjoy them now, stop waiting for the “right” time.

when I become an eccentric billionaire I'm going to buy every house in 10 square blocks of unremarkable suburb. I will have them all furnished and decorated except for (and this is key) one house in the dead center. this house I will put up for sale at a ridiculously reasonable price for the area. once it sells, and the new owner/couple/family moves in, the plan will spring into action.

every single house besides the one in the center within my 10 square blocks will remain uninhabited. I will put all the lights inside on timers so that it appears that people are living in there, I will have lawns mowed when I'm sure everyone in my victim house is at work/school, I will have decorations put up during the holidays and cars moved there and parked in driveways when I'm sure that the owner/couple/family in the house at the center is not there to witness it happening. I will produce all the superficial trappings of life without a single person actually being there.

who knows how long it'll take them to realize that something is wrong? when their kids are playing in the yard, and they notice they've never seen another child around here even once, despite the four-bedroom family homes all down the street? after a few weeks, when they realize the lights in the house across the way click off at exactly 9:45, on the second, every single night? when they've been living there for a month and a half and they realize they've never seen a single car park in front of another house? when they want to greet their neighbors and not a single house in the whole neighborhood opens its door?

when they do realize that they're completely alone here, what would they do with that fact? what would you do if all at once, as you stood in a crowd, you realized that every single person around you was a mannequin? it's unnerving, sure, but enough to warrant a move? how long will they live in this idyllic ghost town before it gets to them? can a person survive in a dollhouse? Thank you. *I wave to the crowd as I walk offstage at my ted talk. one person gives a halfhearted round of applause from the back. a talk about sustainable ecosystem management was scheduled for right now and no one knows how I got up here.*

I LAUGHED SO HARD

Push play and just trust me

This sounds like something that would be playing in a story set in Victorian London slums or something? I DON’T KNOW.

ITS A GODDAMN SHANTY

its appropriate anywhere from the wild west to a pirate ship to imperial russia a jaunty steampunk adventure to one impressive bard

ok this shit FUCKS

@broadwaytheanimatedseries @dia-mond-universe

Damn this fucking slaps

Vitamin String Quartet do covers of pop songs with classical string arrangements. Some of them are really close to the original, like:

But others are just far enough away that they sound like classical music for a minute:

(source)

Something happened here. You hope it’s a miracle, but probably not.                -j.m.

one feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet and when one feels like a duck one       is          h a p p y                           - j.m.

Since man can’t judge me and I don’t fear god I’ve decided to start playing harmonica on my commute.

a good take

My therapist has said this many times, it’s good advice

i’m sure i’ve missed a few things, but i can’t stand to look at it any longer. i present to you: the good, the bad, and the ugly of tumblr throughout the decade

Alternate title: Millennials are so humble about their lacking skills that they eschew pride in order to learn skills that their parents thought were unnecessary to teach.

alternate alternate title: Boomers Fail So Hard As Parents They’ve Left Their Adult Children ‘Helpless’

Here's the thing about shows like South Park and Family Guy that make their money off of being edgy and offensive. They fundamentally reduce their viewers' capacity for empathy. If I found a joke funny, and you found it offensive, you're just too sensitive. This is directly related to the ride of the alt right and the election of trump. In this essay I will

So instead of writing the essay this is exactly what I'm talking about. This shit reduces your capacity for empathy. If you can't understand why people are hurt by a simple joke, nay, think that's the whole point... How the hell are you supposed to feel for someone when they come to you complaining of ACTUAL oppression? It's the foot in the door phenomenon. A little oppression isn't too bad, cuz it's funny, right? It hardens your heart against others

Somebody actually wrote this essay already. It's a Twitter thread about how the alt right recruits teenage boys by getting them to post slightly offensive memes... And then when they get called out and don't understand why the alt right channels their anger at feminists and women and people of color and liberals. According to this thread, boys are being "set up"

Read the whole thread at the link above this is just a snip

"offensive" shows like Family Guy are a precursor to the alt right and you can't change my mind

Y'all this shit so basic even Spongebob one it. It's not about being too sensitive. It's normalizing abuse through comedy that's a foot in the door to greater oppression.

“you’re an old soul” is just old people speak for “i notice youve been depressed since you were 9″

Yes hello this hit me hard in a way I did not like or was ready for

Denver Zoo and its gay lorikeets said fuck homophobes happy Pride

i’ll never get over dan playing phannies at their own game and pulling up the formspring receipts himself in the video

absolute legend