BALLET AND FANTASY

#I think I am a sentient fungus #but really I am a chainsaw wielding meat puppet #ew

thegunlady

normal-horoscopes

#turning 32 this summer #honestly 30 was hard for me so 40 is a bit terrifying #mostly because I don't know what the future holds for me

ponyregrets

aromanticduck

Sorry if you're already over 50, I ran out of room (you're welcome to leave your thoughts in the tags or replies!)

If you're younger than 10, get the fuck off Tumblr. People are saying swears on here!

thegunlady

bemusedlybespectacled

(inspired by this one for the sake of full transparency)

#clutter

beardedmrbean

A skilled artisan is a joy to witness

thewelllitweenie

Get out

#omg

oswintheniffler

yukuiyuuu

Teamwork..................................................................................

uhhh-nunyabidniz-heaux

Me, when they made the U-turn:

GIF by socialbasketball

donkeydickjess

^ my exact reaction

thirtytwoelvismovies

The Bolshoi has nothing on this choreography.

pathsofpassion

There is. No. Unskilled. Labor.

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

I know I’ve said this before but vampires

don’t show up on camera
can fly/scale walls
immune to bullets
can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit
could probably hypnotize security guards as needed

therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums

theonewiththesoks

Oceans 1100 AD

bleachedshadow

Very interested in the hardest part of this beign the vampires trying to trick someone into granting them permission to enter the premises earlier in the day

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

I feel like this has several simple solutions!

they enter the museum while it’s open to the public (and the Welcome sign is on display). they turn into bats and hide in the rafters until the museum closes. the only hiccup is when the overhead announcement comes on and politely requests all visitors leave for closing. the vampire are forced to flee, but come back the next day with tiny bat-sized earplugs.
downside: this requires going out in daylight, leading most of the team members to show up in long black victorian formalwear, complete with lacy parasols, which they insist on carrying with them throughout the entire heist (much to the frustration of the team leader, who just wore sunscreen and a raincoat).
depending on how invitations work, it is possible any random human can invite them in. one of the vampires gets their Ultimate Frisbee buddy Oakley to tag along and invite them in after closing.
downside: the gang spends the rest of the heist gently mocking the idea of a vampire playing association ultimate frisbee (“so what, you turn into a bat and catch it with your fangs? do they make you crawl up the wall when it gets stuck on a roof? if you turn into a cat to get it down from a tree, do you end up stuck in the tree?”) this ends in a Climactic Twist Ending when Oakley reveals they don’t play ultimate frisbee, just dog park frisbee. In the sense that they met when the vampire transformed into a wolf to gatecrashed a game at the local dog park.
(Bonus points if Oakley is a werewolf. extra bonus points if this is revealed in a post-credits epilogue where, on the next full moon, the entire gang transforms into creatures of the night and joins Oakley at the park for a frisbee game of Bats vs Wolves)
Final option: to gain legitimate entry, an invitation is needed from a museum employee. this presents two possibilities:
the vampires pretend to be incredibly rich eccentric patrons who want a private nighttime tour of the museum. (this is convincing due to the fact they are rich and incredibly eccentric.) the vampires get inside, planning to hypnotize the Curator supervising their tour.
downside: they immediately discover the Curator has been left immune to hypnosis by years of post-grad exposure to droning history lecturers. the vampires leave their least competent member to distract her while they carry out the heist–in the ensuing 90 minutes, the vampire and the curator accidentally Fall In Love after bonding over their shared fury about british archeological theft.
(In the sequel they get married and spend their honeymoon robbing the British Museum in order to return sacred objects to the cultures from which they were stolen. this is made more ~~complicated~~ comical by the fact vampires are unable to interact with holy objects. also, they are lesbians.)
alternatively: the gang simply bribes a security guard into letting them in after closing. the security guard then tags along, offering helpful advice for disabling alarms and transporting antiques. it turns out Security Officer Greer only applied for the job bc they too were planning an Elaborate Acrobatic Burglary, but then their partners quit to join Cirque du Soleil and “I can’t exactly perform a Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special without a partner.”
downside: the gang becomes too attached to ask Greer to leave. They carry out the heist as intended, but this time pretending to be circus performers to explain their vampire powers. Turning into a cloud of smoke to bypass locks? Magicians never explain a trick. Spider walking across ceilings to bypass alarms? Contortionist. When it comes time to fly from roof to roof, they decide turning into bats would give away their secret, so instead they help Greer, in a sparkling moment of triumph, execute the perfect Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special!
Greer and the gang escape (by tightrope walking) into the night with all the plunder they can carry. Tearfully, the gang begins to say goodbye (bc they can’t keep up the pretense of being circus performers forever) when Greer casually asks how a bunch of vampire ended up working in a circus.
(Greer assumed from the beginning they were vampires, because of “how you dress, how you talk, and mostly because none of you showed up on camera back in the CCTV control room. Why did you think it took me so long to let yall in?”)
I cannot for the lives of me decide which synopsis I like best

(all ideas shared on this blog are public domain, feel free to go nuts. you can find more story ideas like this on my ko-fi)

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

everythingplus-thekitchensink reblogged

melmothblog

Vaganova Ballet Academy graduate (class of 2019) and Mariinsky dancer, Svetlana Savelieva, photographed by Maria Novinskaya.

tikitania

Svetlana Savelieva, a fan favorite at the Mariinsky, is competing in the Arabesque Ballet completion on April 20 @ 12PM Perm Time!

She’s dancing variations from Don Quixote & Swan Lake. Wishing her the best!!!

Арабеск | Программа I тура

arabesque-perm.ru

everythingplus-thekitchensink reblogged

fuckyeahbiguys

We’ve waited a year to reblog this. Happy Bread Anniversary!

Because it’s important to celebrate the little victories in life.

IT’S BREAD DAY!

…Yay!

IT’S BREAD DAY AGAIN! (cc: @petermorwood )

nerdy-birdy18

likegreyskies

possibly the most important addition this week on Hozier Liked

purplepints

Indentured servitude is opresssion.

Indentured servitude is not chattel slavery.

The Irish were oppressed and have a history of indentured servitude.

The Irish were not bought and sold or held as property generation to generation.

Please stop confusing the two. Thanks.

"Rejected" by Don Hertzfeldt

maryam0revna

beggars-opera

pitafish

I'm gonna link to the animations in case y'all either don't remember or have never heard of some of these.

A quick note: these were made in the 2000s. Comedy is subjective, there's some strong examples of dark and/or "lolz teh random" humor in these. Maybe some cultural blindness, too. That said, enjoy a time capsule of stuff made before/during the birth of Youtube, now hosted on Youtube.

Kenya

Salad Fingers, episode 2

Charlie the Unicorn

The Llama Song

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

#i quote end of ze world pretty much daily

everythingplus-thekitchensink reblogged

treasurethelibraries

XIX century Library at Marienburg Castle, Germany

Or a cool old look for your TARDIS.

Source: reddit.com

#yessss

ponyregrets

Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

gropeable-boychest

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p