Desmond: Happy fathers day to the man who called the cops on me when he didn't find me in my room sleeping in the middle of the night and thought I snuck out of the house.
Desmond: I was downstairs eating cereal and also was fifteen. Cheers William.
Alexios: It’s really muggy outside today.
Kassandra: If I go outside and all the mugs are on the front lawn, I’m kicking you out of this family.
Alexios: *sips coffee from a bowl*
Desmond: Please stop making new flavors of coca-cola. Either put the cocaine back or leave it alone
Altair: You know what? Underneath it all, you're actually quite nice.
Malik: Repeat that disgusting slander again, and you'll be hearing from my lawyers.
Barnabas: Look, I'm going to be frank
Alexios: Can I still be Alexios?
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Jacob: I've been teased for being short my entire life.
Henry: Well, I think it's very wrong to belittle.
Jacob: Oh, fuck. Not you too.
Alexios: Does free will exist?
Kassandra: Yeah
Alexios: This philosophy shit is easy
Kassandra: I'm gonna be honest here...
Sokrates: Is that wise?
Kassandra: No. But I'm gonna do it anyway.
Leon: I'm an orphan
Arno: Not anymore you're not
Leon: I'm adopted??
Arno: Hi adopted, I'm dad
Rebecca: I will put down my “A” to make “A”
Lucy: I will add onto your “A” to make “AT”
Desmond: I will add onto your “AT” to make “RAT"
Shaun: And I will add onto your “RAT” to make “BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC”
Everyone:
Alexios: Change is inedible.
Kassandra: You mean inevitable?
Alexios, spitting out a coin: No I do not.
Evie: Since I'm gonna be gone for a while, I've left a complimentary bowl of advice.
Evie, picking a paper out of the bowl: For example, "Jacob, stop doing that" applies to everything.
Ezio: *orders food fluently in Italian to impress his date*
McDonald's drive-thru employee: ...What??
William: Don't forget to lift with your legs, son.
Desmond: I know how to lift, jackass. I've been carrying this team the entire time.
Ethan: If you’re saying I play favourites, you’re wrong. I love both my children equally.
*Earlier that day*
Ethan: I don’t care for Jacob.
Plato: oh, you're a philosopher? Name every thought you've ever had
Alexios: easy. none