he’s mad she always underdresses (◡‿◡✿)
“Christ!”
Malfoy’s oath interrupted Theo mid-thought as he was hurriedly doctoring his morning tea. Theo didn’t expect he’d ever acclimatise to the swill that passed as tea in Hogwarts, but it was warm, unlike the dungeons that someone a thousand years ago had decided was acceptable accommodations for the ambition-ladened.
Mid-winter and the dungeons were presently so cold one would develop frostbite walking across the floors without well-insulated shoes. Burbage claimed that his arse and thighs had never been the same after groggily sitting on a dungeon toilet in fourth-year without remembering to cast a warming charm on the seat.
Dungeon Common Rooms were character building, Snape had said when Theo had inquired about the use of insulation back in first-year. What better motivation to ascend to great heights than an origin story that involved seven years living in a cold, clammy dungeon?
Well, perhaps that was the way it was for some Slytherins. The extent of Theo’s ambition was to stay ensconced within his favourite cashmere jumper and consume a form of hot liquid that would clear his head enough coherently to listen to McGonagall discuss NEWT exams for an hour straight.
Theo added an additional splash of milk until it was the proper colour at least, and then rapidly gulped a mouthful, looking up to see what had managed to attract Malfoy’s ire at dawn.
Malfoy was glowering across the Great Hall at his Co-Head, Granger.
Granger was seated at the Gryffindor table inhaling her breakfast, her eyes fastened on an enormous textbook propped up against a teapot. Without looking up, she reached across the table and snatched away a third-year’s wand before he managed to flick a kipper down a nearby girl’s shirt.
Theo studied Granger and then glanced back at Malfoy, and then back to Granger again.
She appeared entirely normal. The same mountain of books somehow carried in a mysteriously normal. regulation-sized school satchel. Same harried, pinched expression. Same Gryffindor robes with the proudly polished Head Girl badge gleaming. There was nothing notable about her whatsoever. Theo had no idea what about the girl could possibly have done to set Malfoy off so early in the morning.
Then again, Malfoy did have to work with Granger, constantly. As Malfoy’s roommate, Theo was on the receiving end of many of Malfoy tirades about how annoying Granger was, and all the annoying things she did, and how annoyed Malfoy was from having to be around her constantly until Theo was certain he probably knew more about Hermione Granger than anyone in all of history would ever want to know.
Theo had dreamt of becoming Head Boy himself, but hearing about the job endlessly from Malfoy made for an excellent case against it. Granger, according to Malfoy, was the unbearable.
“That does it,” Malfoy said through his teeth, looking ready to combust from outrage. Stuffing a piece of toast into his mouth, he stood and stalked across the Great Hall.
“Granger,” Malfoy’s voice was low and vibrating with angry intensity even across the Hall, “could I have a word?”
Granger snapped her book shut, slipped it into her bag, and followed Malfoy out of the Great Hall with the air of a martyr.
Left in blessed peace, Theo finished his tea and breakfast before heading to Transfiguration. Halfway there he heard Malfoy’s voice.
“—if you leave me to cover and I have to do rounds with MacMillan I will end up killing him. Save us both the paperwork and murder trial and cooperate for once in your life. It’s freezing cold in the dungeons right now.”
Theo glanced around the corner to be greeted by the unexpected sight of Malfoy peeling off his jumper and pulling it down over the bewildered, bushy head of Granger.
“Honestly, Malfoy,” Granger indignant voice was muffled through the knit as she pulled it over her head.
The jumper swam on her, all black but for its Slytherin green and silver detailing. Malfoy fastidiously straightened her shirt collar and rolled up the sleeves to her wrists with an aggravated expression on his face.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Theo watched Malfoy step back, looking her up and down as he pulled his robes back on. “That’ll have to do, or we’ll be late for class. For Christ’s sake, wear decent clothes. I don’t have time to cover for you if you get sick.”
He stormed away towards Potions without a backwards glance. Granger followed him a moment later, leaving Theo alone in the hall to press a hand against his forehead and curse his abysmal luck.
Granger wore Malfoy’s jumper the entire day apparently oblivious to the whispers that followed her.
To Theo’s surprise, Malfoy was in an unusually congenial mood that night in their room.
The next day, was business as usual and Theo sipped his tea and turned a deaf ear to Malfoy’s endless stream of complaints about having to share office hours with Granger that evening.
The day after that was Herbology, and Theo was involuntarily treated to the sight of Malfoy herding Granger to an alcove, and carefully wrapping her up in his scarf until she was buried from her shoulders to the tips of her ears in green and silver.
“It’s snowing today. Do you have any common sense, or did you decide to forego because it doesn’t come printed in hardback?” Malfoy asked scathingly as he crowded himself closer and expanded his scarf by a half dozen feet in order to ensure Granger was sufficiently ensconced in it.
Granger was mysteriously silent.
As Malfoy stormed away through the snow, Theo stayed back and took note of the glimmer in her eyes as she re-shouldered her bookbag and set off after Malfoy.
The next night, she was wearing a green trimmed sweater, Slytherin robes, and a green cashmere scarf while up in the Astronomy tower, looking cheerful and toasty during Sinistra’s lecture.
Theo was certain that then entire school population was aware of what was happening, with the sole exception of Malfoy who was apparently on a mission to donate his entire wardrobe to Granger.
As long Theo wasn’t forced to endure any more of Malfoy’s tirades, he didn’t care how long it took Malfoy to figure it out. If it lasted until Spring, at least it wouldn’t be so unbearably cold when Malfoy resumed.
He averted his eyes and feigned ignorance when Malfoy complained about his lack of robes and sulked when he realised he’d run out of scarves after three weeks.
After a month, Theo wasn’t sure how many uniforms Malfoy could possibly still have. Considering what a micro-managing busybody Granger could be, she was mysteriously absent-minded when it came to returning Malfoy’s wardrobe. Malfoy wouldn’t be fussed to asked for them back.
Theo didn’t say a word. If Malfoy was forced to begin wearing last year’s robes, he might finally put together why he was so keen to keep Granger constantly dressed in his clothes.
It was doubtful, but a wizard could hope.
Theo rolled out of bed one bitterly frigid morning after oversleeping and stumbled across the room in search of his favourite cashmere jumper. He reached groggily into his wardrobe to the place it should have been but found empty air.
It was gone.
A bare hanger greeted Theo’s stunned gaze. He looked in horror towards Malfoy’s bed.
With a wail of despair, Theo bolted through the dungeons.
Malfoy and Granger had already left the Great Hall when he got there.
Theo ran on, plagued by visions of his beloved jumper being stuffed over Granger’s head, and disappearing forever into her stash of Slytherin garb.
A first-year had seen them headed towards the Head Office.
By the time Theo got there, his horror had transformed into rage. After all he’d endured. He would not let his jumper be collateral damage.
Theo flung the door open. “Malfoy, just tell Granger you fancy her and give me my jumper back—!”
His voice cut off and he choked at the unexpected sight of Malfoy and Granger across the Head Boy desk, wearing less than half a school uniform between the pair of them.
“Oh god,” Theo said.
“Nott,” Malfoy’s voice was low and vibrating with angry intensity. “Get out!”
