My family has started calling my cat "the beast" which is very funny considering she's a 19yo arthritic old lady who needs help up and down the stairs. Not to mention she doesn't really meow any more, just sits and stares at you, and im the only one who can reliably guess what she wants, so my parents are constantly messaging me "The beast awakens... I know not what she desires 😥😥" i feel like the chosen prophet of an eldritch god

Nay, verily... I have noted the position of the stars, and determined rather that The Beast Hungers... for her nightly plate of wet food

@calamitytrios @shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey The people have spoken

Behold, The Beast

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

Here we see a shy, confused individual, bemused after unexpected  expression of strong attachment of opposite gender’s representative.

Keep fluttering those fabulous lashes of yours, commander of my heart.

The Bat Woman by Albert Joseph Penot (1890)

The Vampire woman by Leanna TenEycke.

if in inquisition

Some other bangers;

there's also "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" which conservatives are oh so fond of saying

bootstraps are, well, straps on your boots. you cannot physically pull yourself up by them, and that's what the original phrase meant. "pulling oneself up by the bootstraps" is meant to be an impossible task

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness."

The second part really matters.

so, Dark Urge x Astarion were essentially written for each other. they're canon, your honor!

I’m picking this up and I am twirling it around like a little ballerina

Astarion: Okay, WHO made that loud cracking noise that gave away our position and almost got us killed???

Tav: I think that might've been Gale's knees

Shadowheart: Yeah that sounded like Gale's knees

Gale, nodding: It was my knees

You guys do know you're supposed to reblog things, right

"well i like this post but i'm worried my followers might not" fuck your followers. The entire point of tumblr is to cause irreparable psychic damage to your followers. We are locked in mortal combat on the astral plane. You must win. You Must Win. You Must Destroy Them.

social media is supposed to be PvP

Narrator's voice: "You wake up to the strange sensation of a vampire biting your neck. And a githyanki undoing your pants. And a wizard eating your boots."

mind your business withers

The more I think of Astarion's love-hate relationship with heroic characters, the more I think of this quote from The Last Unicorn:

And where were you twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Where were you when I was new? When I was one of those innocent young maidens you always come to? How dare you! How dare you come to me now, when I am this!

Now I'm unwell

*through gritted teeth* you are not a child taking a test with the purpose of getting the highest score, you are an adult trying new things and finding ways to enjoy your life, make mistakes, be a beginner, be mediocre, be where you need to be, be unlikeable, just. be.

The lovely shapes and colors of our companion's eyes.