If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold evermore wonders.
— Andrew Harvey from “The Return of the Mother”
The night is lonely. 1 a.m. is a lonely time. Tears flow uncontrollably for the past, the present, and the future. And not even my cat recognizes my pain. So I am truly alone.
The thought occurs to me. No one knows, no one cares. In this moment the only person aware of my suffering is me. My heart is broken for all the love I’ve never had and the love I believe I cannot find.
I don’t long for attention. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just want connection. Someone to tell me I’m not crazy, because I feel like I’m going mad.
Then I remember, there is an entire world at my fingertips. So I light up the 6 inch screen in my hand and tap on the icon I think will bring me some sanity.
And there the words are. Words of such profound beauty I’m not worthy of their insight. Here I am breaking over a moment and there is a world of wonder waiting for my heart.
But he’s right. My heart was made to break. It was born with cracks. A testament to imperfection that was never meant to be one hundred percent right, for a whole can never know what it misses if it’s never without.
I thought I was awake. Unable to sleep through my heartache. But I live in somnolence.
The call is to wake up, to transform, to move.
So I’m writing, knowing now that for these few minutes I’m not alone, but that possibly millions of others are also writing something here feeling alone too. And I’m hoping this quote finds you too, and these words, and they inspire you to wake up and know that broken hearts remind us we’re awake, we’re alive, and that there are wonders far more beautiful and deserving to be discovered.
