Crocheting with metal scales

So, I recently discovered that you can make really pretty things with yarn and metal scales.

Problem is, I don’t knit, I crochet. (I probably should get round to learning properly eventually, but usually I’m more interested in making tiny dragons with top hats than jumpers). And while Crafty Mutt has a very good guide to knitting with scales (in fact, I used one of her kits to get the materials), I couldn’t find anything on crocheting. So I figured it out myself, and thought I would pass it on.

Instructions

You’ll need some yarn, and some scales. (Look here for tips on where to get them).

1) Crochet a row or two. Scales are easier to crochet into proper single crochet (sc) stitches than chain stitches. Get to a point where you want to add a scale.

2) Push the crochet hook through the loops of the next stitch as usual, and then through the hole in the scale. The front side of the scale should be facing away from you.

3) Hook the yarn and pull it back through the scale hole and the stitch, so the scale is attached to the fabric and there are two loops on the hook.

4) At this point, you would normally (ignoring the scale) yarn over and pull through both loops, finishing the stitch. You can still do this, but it leaves a stitch only attached at one point and rather prone to wave about.

So instead of hooking the free yarn, hook the yarn between the scale and the stitch. There will be two lines of yarn going through the scale - you want the one which is attached to the ball of yarn on the other end, not the one which holds the scale to the fabric.

In the picture above I’ve tugged this out to make it easier to hook. Pull this through both loops to finish the stitch.

5) You now have a sc, and scale attached to the fabric on one side. To fasten on the other side, just do a normal sc in the next stitch.

6) And that’s it. Just repeat steps 2-5 for as many scales as you want. Extra notes: Getting the right spacing is the main problem. For my gloves, I used a 6mm hook, and single crocheted in the round, not leaving any empty stitches between scales or unscaled rows between scaled rows. This worked out quite tightly packed vertically, and slightly sparser than I’d like horizontally, but was fine overall. I’ve also done this with double crochet without a problem. It should work with triple crochet, and with half double crochet, but the latter when I tried it seemed slightly wonkier. Anything bigger than a 4.5mm hook won’t go through the scale holes, but you can easily push a loop of yarn through yourself. I haven’t found a way to do this on both sides, so if you’re not working in the round, you have to skip a row between scaled rows. Note that each scale sits under the stitches (it’s more noticeable when doing dc) and in the middle of the two stitches.

I’m a bit late, but–are you using UK crochet terms? seems likely but I want to make sure before trying anything. And, can bead crochet techniques be used with the scales or does it cause them to turn too much? Your gauntlets look amazing, and I appreciate the crochet tutorial very much! 

I’m pretty sure I use US crochet terms, despite living in the UK - UK doesn’t seem to have a single crochet stitch. Afraid I don’t know about bead crochet.

And thanks :D It’s great to see people are still finding this tutorial - if you end up making some scale-y crochet using this I’d love to see it.

I hope the people asking if there’s a crochet version on that post of my knitted scale mail find this

This ADHD and Autism Venn Diagram was requested even more highly than the ADHD and PTSD diagram, and I finally got round to making it…

I’m so glad this helped!! If anyone has anything else like this that they’d like me to make, then send an ask! I might not be able to help, but I’d like to try!

And yeah, I do have a Paypal; you’re so sweet! I’ll link it here.

[Image 1 ID: A venn diagram by @tfw-adhd with a dark brown left circle labeled ‘ADHD’ and a tan right circle labeled ‘Autism’.

ADHD: Impulsivity, short attention span, poor working memory, poor planning skills, time blindness, depression when understimulated, little sense of danger, making careless mistakes, no motivation for tasks you are not interested in.

Autism: Taking things very literally, having the same routine and getting anxious if it changes, being uncomfortable with making eye contact with others, liking to carefully plan things before they happen, not understanding social “rules”, noticing small details that others do not, getting upset when someone touches you, getting very anxious about social situations.

Overlapping area: Sensory issues, hyperfixations, stimming, auditory processing disorder, talking a lot, finding it hard to make friends, emotional dysregulation, interrupting conversations, rejection sensitive, lack of object permanence, executive dysfunction, sleep problems.

/End ID]

[Image 2 ID: Screenshot of @gl44zed​‘s reply: “Thank you so much you don’t know how much I needed this. Do you have a PayPal so we can send you money for your work?”

/End ID]

@tfw-adhd Is there one for ADHD and autism?

@nonbinary-random Yes! It’s here.

oh hey new guide thinggg~ some basics on how to practice! there’s SO much I could add to this, so it’s just the basics :O

short (kind of): there’s more to practice than doing something repeatedly, it’s also learning new things, problem solving, and honest critique. Each of those is its own skill…also be nice to yourself!

Hey guys, I know I’ve been away but it’s bc of real life reasons. I want to write some stuff, but it’s going to be on hold for now. But here’s something awesome in the mean time. Thanks for your patience.

“While there are no scientific studies that can provide a concrete answer to this question, anecdotal evidence and the vast amount of sentient species asking this question leads us to hesitantly answer that: While human aggressiveness is not contagious, beings that spend a lot of time around a human may begin to show a certain confidence and recklessness beyond their norm. This change is even more pronounced in beings that form close bonds with a human, and seems to be permanent.”

Leader Nashini twitched her tail irritably and logged her personal anecdotal evidence to the mainframe for the Homeworld scientists to log. The answer was vague and unreliable without scientific backing, but for now it was worrisome. So far Crew Huhui was the only being on the ship affected by the human’s…. recklessness, but how long until the rest of her crew were affected? Although, from a pure efficiency standpoint, Huhui was performing much better than their counterparts. But the…

There was a shriek followed by a loud laugh from the corridor. Probably Huhui dropping from the ceiling onto the human to startle them. They were going to get themselves killed. Nashini just knew it.

A notification from the communication station pulled her from her dark musings and she trotted towards the helm quickly. The communication officer ducked their head respectfully gestured towards the comm station.

“A hailing from a passing ship self identified as Mike’n’Mike.”

She wiggled into place and stood on her hind legs before opening the feed. “This is Leader Nashini of the Space Freighter Unia hailing from Homeworld.”

There was a moment’s pause before a green Muria appeared on the feed. “This is Co-Captain Mikel of the Exploration Ship Mike’n’Mike. We’d like to ask if you are open to trade.”

“Just a moment.” Nashini said and glanced at the cargo log that Crew Huhui had provided before she had even asked. “We have some rations, luxury items, and biological cargo that is open for trade.”

Co-Captain Mikel turned on the visual feed and seemed to converse with someone off screen. They turned back to the screen and raised their blue crest in excitement. “We have maps of several fringe world systems, some valuable data on habitable worlds, and scientific samples from unclaimed planets. Are you willing to trade?”

Leader Nashini barely suppressed a full body wiggle of joy, those were very valuable, very marketable! “We are willing to trade!” Her tail lashed out of the camera view. She glanced at the docking report that Huhui had again provided without prompting (what were they doing on deck anyway?) “If you would dock at airlock 3B, you may board and we will begin negotiations.”

Co-Captain Mikel glanced off screen again as if listening to someone, then hop-nodded. “That is acceptable. We will see you in a few.”

The feed cut and Nashini rested back down on all four hind legs. She cocked a head at Huhui, who was gazing at the proximity maps with widened pupils and forward whiskers.

“Crew Huhui, why are you on deck? You are an accountant.”

Crew Huhui’s ears flicked back in embarrassment but they respectfully looked a little to the left of Nashini’s eyes and said, “Human Crew Jayne remarked once that having a variety of skills made a being valuable in many situations. So I am currently under training for Communications and Navigation.”

Leader Nashini’s ears swiveled in confusion. Multiple classifications was…. practically unheard of. “Well… I commend your enthusiasm for your job.”

Crew Huhui gave a quiet purr of happiness.

“Summon Crew Jane if you would, I would like them and you to accompany me to negotiate with Co-Captain Mikel.”

Crew Huhui nodded and raced off in a quick but entirely undignified manner and Leader Nashini trotted at a much more civilized speed towards meeting room 3B.

By they time she arrived, Crew Jane and Crew Huhui were already waiting with tablets and a pitcher of water in the room, and the decontamination chamber showed that two lifeforms were about to enter.

Leader Nashini had just settled at the head of the table when the door opened and- gods past and present help her- another human ducked through the door. He glanced around the meeting room suspiciously, before nodding at Crew Jane and letting Co-Captain Mikel bounce out of the decontamination chamber.

They settled at the opposite end of the table and the human bared their teeth. “Hello, I Co-Captain Michael.”

Crew Jane barked out a loud but short laugh, which relieved Nashini’s sudden fear at the aggressive greeting. Nashini swiveled an ear towards her in question. The human obliged the non verbal question and leaned over to quietly murmur, “The ship is named after them both, Micheal and Mikel to Mike’n’Mike.”

Nashini didn’t quite understand the humor, but Crew Huhui looked just as confused, so maybe it was a human thing.

Co-Captain Mikel perched on a seat and ruffled their feathers to look bigger. “May we begin?”

Leader Nashini slid a tablet with the available cargo list over to pair. “If you would just tap the items you want, my accountants can begin compiling an agreeable trade.”

Co-Captain Michael slid a similar tablet to Crew Huhui and spoke a few strange words to Crew Jane. Crew Jane bared her teeth and replied in the same language, something that made Co-Captain Michael chuckle but lean over Co-Captain Mikel’s shoulders to look at the trading tablet.

Crew Huhui showed Nashini a quick compilation of things they found and she curled her tail under the table to keep it from flicking. The Discovery Rights to an entire Mining Class planet! That was worth her entire ship’s contents alone, and probably her ship as well! She selected the Discovery Rights and the map data and slid it back across to the odd pair, they probably wouldn’t agree to that much, but Nashini could find the planet on her own if she needed to. Co-Captain Michael raised his eyebrow at the items selected and murmured to the Muria in his odd language. The Muria hushed him with a clicking noise and re fluffed their feather before speaking to Nashini.

“Do you have live plants, cuttings, or seeds?”

Crew Jane nodded and spoke over her Leader, pointing out a few items on the tablet. “We also have some equipment for agriculture in space, I don’t know what you’d need them for, but there’s artificial sun light that can be calibrated to 7 different sun types, atmospheric bubbles, and chemical additives to mimic the native soil and water needs of most datafied planets.”

The Human and Muria conversed in a clicking, whistling language before sliding both tablets across to Leader Nashini. She couldn’t suppress the surprised mrriirp the data caused. They were willing to trade the Discovery Rights and map data to an entire Mining Class planet for… for… What was that human phrase? For peanuts!

She carefully signed the agreement and sealed with with her biometric data and flicked her whiskers forward. “It is an absolute pleasure doing business with you. If you would like, you can leave your communication data with Crew Huhui and send us requests. We would be happy to add your ship to our trading partners.”

Mikel chirped a triumphant noise at the human and raised her wings and crest in a decidedly aggressive manner, but the human just raised their hands in a peaceful gesture and laughed.

Nashini watched the human back down from the being half their size and decided that humans were just too weird.

Co-Captain Michael leaned forward and said in coarse Common, “We would be happy if become trade partner. Good money for both, yeah?”

Leader Nashini agreed and they exchanged information quickly. That done, Human Michael lunged towards Human Jane and they bumped into each other with a thump that had Nashini scrambling backwards out of their reach as they wrapped their arms around each other and squeezed picking each other up and talking in their odd human language as they tried to toss the other to the ground. The Muria listened with her head cocked before settling her wings on her back comfortably.

“They are litter mates, as you’d put it.”

“Then… Why are they attacking each other?” Leader Nashini’s ears were clamped against her head.

“They are playing.”

Nashini watched the humans a bit closer and saw, that yes, they were playing, much like younglings would pounce and scuffle as kits, but these humans were almost 6 umrat tall and adults! She shrunk back and fled, in a dignified manner, at a crunching noise and an, “oops” from Crew Jane. She was not dealing with this right now. She was going to celebrate the deal of a lifetime with an entire bottle of crema and some imported ‘catfish’ from Terra. Crew Huhui could deal with the humans.

Huhui backstory Huhui part 4

Mikel Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 (also Huhui part 5)

Full Story on A3o

Humans are Space Orcs

Humans in Space are surprisingly safe

When Aliens first got access to human ships the thing that surprised them most was the sheer number of safety systems on board. Surely a species as tough as humans would not need to be protected from anything? But everywhere they checked they found multiple failsafes, safety protocols, and safety nets protecting everything from the weapons system to the coffee machine. Some of these systems were so specific they wondered why or how the humans had come up with them and why they spent the effort fitting them to their ships. Their questions were answered when humans first started working on an alien ship. Within the first month the human crew members had: Burned themselves Stabbed themselves “Strategically amputated” an arm (then reattached it without much fuss) Spaced themselves on more than one occasion Been electrocuted by the food despenser Exploded four computer terminals And secretly grown a cat in one of the science labs After that the Aliens sent a request to the human council for a copy of their safety protocols And also learnt the meaning of the term “idiot proofing”

Humans are Loyal if Properly Bonded

I was in charge of feeding the prisoners. This had been my task since the Queen had taken me and 2 dozen other Murania as hostages. The others had not survived long, but I adapted. Obeyed.

The Queen had taken a human. A rare being this far into the Deep, but one feared from one end of the galaxy to the other. According to the Encyclopedia of Sentient Beings Capable of Space Travel, humans needed a diet of roughly 2000 calories a sol served in traditional 3 portions a sol. Which meant that I had to approach the human three times a sol. I could not fail my duties.

The first attempt at feeding the large being ended with a tray thrown at my head with enough force that it would have caved my skull if I had not ducked in time. The human was raging, slamming their entire body against the containment bars with enough force to shake the floor and… and roaring. I cleaned the mess of nutrient paste as fast as I could and fled.

But five hours later found me trembling in front of the human’s cage with another tray of nutrient paste. The human had calmed and was glaring at me intently. I knew they did not speak Murania, but still I spoke my native language as I offered the food again. I did not get to speak it often and missed the sound. “Guria?”

The human tilted their head and to my shock, repeated the word, then repeated it again until they mimicked the sound perfectly, even with the slight whistle at the end.

I offered the tray. “Guria.”

They eyed it suspiciously so I tasted it, showing it to be safe. “Guria.”

They held their hand out and I gave them the tray, scuttling to a safe corner before they could attack me with it again.

They tilted their head again and scowled, then spoke in broken Common. “I thank”

I fled, claws scratching against the shiny floor.

Another five hours passed all too soon and I was back at the human’s cage with the final meal of the sol. They were moving slowly around the cage with their ear pressed to the wall, tapping with their knuckles. I watched them for a moment, confused at the erratic behaviour, but only managed a few seconds of observation before their head swiveled directly towards me and they stopped to face me.

I walked closer and offered the tray. “Guria.”

They took it. “How talk thank in you mouth talk?”

“Meesh Meesh.”

They opened their mouth and let out a loud, short bark, a laugh according to the ESBCST. (I studied it dutifully when they were brought aboard.) “Meesh Meesh!” They pointed to themselves. “Michael.”

My wings ruffled, the sound was so similar! I pointed to myself, “Mikel”

The human shook their head and pointed to themselves. “Me Michael.”

I jerked my head in an upward motion called a nod. “Yes, you,’ I pointed to them, “Michael.” I pointed to myself. “I, Mikel.”

They laughed again. “Michael, Mikel. Much same.”

I chittered. “Very similar, yes.”

Their eyes narrowed. “You work here?”

I bobbed sideways, a bit noncommittal, “As I must.”

“Must work?”

I searched for the simplest way to translate what I meant across the language barrier. “No work, in there.” I pointed to their cage. “Work, out here.” I hopped encouragingly. “You work soon, yes?”

The human bared their teeth and snarled. “No work. Fight.”

My wings flattened against my spine and I fled. Humans were so aggressive.

The next sol I completed my first duties and then found myself lingering outside the containment hall. I was apprehensive about what mood I would find the human in this time. I fluffed my wings out to convey confidence and clicked in with the human’s first meal.

“Mikel! Guria?” They were bouncing on the front part of their feet, hopping up and touching the ceiling, then dropping to the floor and pushing themselves up with their arms repeatedly.

“Yes. What are you doing?” I slid the tray to where they could reach and backed to a… well not safe but safer, distance.

“Work body. Stay strong.” They flopped over onto their back and turned their head to look at me. “Meesh Meesh.”

“Zuan.” I bobbed sideways before deciding to ask them the question I had been mulling over. “You’re Nice, mean, nice, mean.”

Michael laughed. “Yeah. Head bad.” They hooked their fingers like claws and shook them around their head. “Scare, tired, Fight.” They gestured to the bars and glared. “Not like.”

I nodded. “I know that feeling.” A chime sounded, signaling the Queen’s approach. I flattened myself to the floor and made way.

The Queen slithered in, her scaled body scraping against the floor with a sound that made my feathers stand up. She reared to her full two meter height and flicked her tongue out to taste the air.

“Human. You are mine now, you will serve the glory of me.”

Michael looked her up and down and whistled lowly then pronounced in exact Common. “Ugly. Mother. Fucker.”

I gaped at them in horror. They dared insult the Queen to her face?

The Queen hissed, but smugly coiled. “You will serve me, human. I know your kind. You are loyal. I feed you, I provide you shelter. I give you safety. You will love me.”

The human backed up, crouching into a fighting stance. “No love, mother fucker.”

The Queen wiggled and slid towards the exit. “You will serve me.” They paused to pat me on the head. “You have duties, tiny one.”

The next several sols passed in the same manner. I did my duties, I fed the human, we exchanged words. At night I tended my secret garden grown in glasses of water and composted nutrient paste from seeds and cuttings I snuck from the Queen’s hoard. The human was learning not only Common but Murania at a breathtaking pace. We could hold whole conversations now and I was no longer… completely apprehensive about approaching their cage. Michael had not acted aggressive towards me at all since the Queen’s visit.

The rare human plant called a “green bean” plant had fruited after several months of care and pollinating with the tip of my own feather. I was ecstatic over the first fruits of my secret labor and I felt that Michael would appreciate my excitement and maybe a taste of his home planet. Humans were said to be incredibly empathetic and sentimental.

That morning I secreted a pair of bean pods in my uniform and headed for Micheal’s cage. They seemed to notice something was different right away, peering at me with concern. “All okay, Mikel?”

I nodded and nervously whispered. “Secret, right?”

They lowered their voice and moved closer to the bars. “Yeah, secret.”

I showed him the beans. “I grew these. It’s the first harvest from the plant! It’s a huge secret, but I wanted you to have them.”

Michael stared at the beans with an expression I didn’t recognize for a long time before whispering, their voice strangely rough. “You get trouble for these?”

I nodded and tried to shove the beans into their hands. “Yes, a lot of trouble. Take them!”

They took them and smiled. “Meesh Meesh, Mikel. This…. This mean lot to me. I can’t say enough. Meesh Meesh.” They bit into one and grinned, crunching happily. “Very good! You do good!”

I chittered and ruffled my wings, pleased with the praise. “Zuan, Michael.” I gave them their tray of nutrient paste and fled.

The next day (human word for sol) I found a broken something in the Queen’s trash bin. It was silvery and had a lot of moving parts and made me think of Michael. I shoved it into my uniform and snuck it to Michael. They were overjoyed and immediately began fiddling (another human word I find pleasant to use) with it.

I found I enjoyed making Michael happy and kept my eyes out for things to gift them. A broken flute, a torn book, a shiny rock shard, a discarded pipe, a bit of string. It all was random junk, but Michael was still so happy for each item. It… was a pleasant feeling, almost like being back with my brood mates.

Then… Then the alarms sounded one morning and the ship rocked with an explosion. Frightened, I grabbed my precious green bean plant and rushed instinctively towards Michael’s cage.

Only to find they weren’t there. The bars were broken, bent outward and a piece of the wall was torn open, exposing sparking wires and smashed circuits. The lights were flickering and I could hear screaming. I decided to run for the escape pods and hoped that the Queen died in that explosion.

I had barely skittered into the hallway when I found Michael. They were fighting with a guard twice their size, but easily leaped around it’s bulk and stabbed it in the base of the skull with some sort of spear. A primitive weapon, but still deadly in the hands of the human. Michael rode the body of the guard down to the ground and leaped off, brandishing the spear at me.

Frozen in fear, I distantly realized the weapon was made from the shiny rock tied to a piece of pipe. I was to die from a weapon I provided then.

Except, Michael lowered the weapon and smiled. “Mikel! I find you! Come on! We get out of here!”

“Out… Escape?”

“Yeah! C’mon, I stole codes for ship!”

I followed them numbly, too scared and shocked to process that not only had a single human escaped a 1st class prison cell with just bits of junk, but had also destroyed the Pirate Queen’s ship, and was taking me with them.

It wasn’t until we were flying fast and far from the wreckage, headed towards a Trading Station, that I found my voice. “Why… Why would you save me? I…” I didn’t know how to express the fact that I was nothing, tiny, worth only for cleaning while the human was strong, big, and apparently a fearsome and brilliant warrior.

Michael glanced at me from the corner of their eyes. “We friends, Mikel. Friends no leave friends. Also, you trapped like me. On other side of bars, but trapped same.”

“Friends? But Queen provided for you, you were supposed to bond with her?!”

The human looked at me incredulously before laughing long and loud, his head thrown back with the effort of it. “No Bond with Queen, she put me in cage. You! You give me food, you talk, teach, you bring me presents. You good friend. Queen Piece of Shit.”

“Oh.” Michael had bonded with me. And.. I with them it seemed. And we were free. “Meesh meesh, Michael. You’re a good friend too.” I hugged my green bean plant. “What now?”

“I thinking I turn in Queen head for bounty, use money buy good ship again. After, you want go home or you want explore?”

My wings flared in excitement. “Can I have a garden room on our ship?”

Michael grinned and tossed his arm (gently) around my shoulders. “Yes, you have garden room. Grow lots plant in space. Explore! Garden! New Planet! New Seed!”

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6 , Part 7

Full Story on A3o

a modern Zukka coffee shop AU where Sokka is a barista and the only tension in their relationship is Zuko being too afraid to tell Iroh about his coffee addiction

coming out as gay to Iroh was a breeze, ozai never hated zuko for being gay after all, that’s just another part of who he is, ozai hated zuko for other reasons, because he’s an asshole

coming out to iroh as a coffee addict? the most difficult, cue mental breakdown, sweating, fainting, la dramatique

iroh is equally dramatic about this: how could a member of my own family betray me like this

iroh: *sees sokka* oh i see you are dating my nephew that’s very nice

iroh: BUT COFFEE? HOW COULD YOU?! I PRACTICALLY RAISED YOU *sobs into zuko’s shoulder*

Better still if Sokka was working at like… Generic Coffee Chain, its not even good coffee, its just coffee Zuko has progressed passed any point of needing good, he and Sokka only even started talking when Sokka expressed concern about the ‘black with four shots of espresso’ order three times in one day.

Zuko: Uncle please, it’s just hot water with leaves in it, I know you love tea-

Iroh: Coffee is just beans! You would rather drink beans?!

Zuko: I KNEW YOU’D ACT LIKE THIS!

Iroh: You LOVE my jasmine tea!

Zuko: I lied!

Iroh, sobbing: HOW COULD YOU?!

Sokka, sitting silently between them, absolutely flabbergasted, 👉🏽👈🏽😬

I just want a scene where Zuko, who still works at Iroh’s tea shop, is sweeping the floor, and gazing with extreme pining, at the coffee shop opposite them 

Everyone thinks it’s because he has this huge unrequited crush on the barista who works there, but it’s actually because it’s been two hours since he got his caffeine fix

As for the barista, they’re in a solid committed relationship that’s going super well, that’s not why Zuko is being a drama queen about ‘what i can’t have’ and whining to Mai over text about ‘chances not taken’

its about the hot bean juice

its about the hot bean juice 👌🤯

Zuko writing poems about forbidden desires, everyone who reads it like ‘whoa’, but it’s just about coffee. Local prestigious tea shop vs. generic megachain coffee and his heart is torn between what is familiar and what he cannot have. Zuko gazes longingly at every coffee shop he sees and like nine different barists in town all think he’s in love with him, Sokka is the first one to actually act on it and Zuko is thrown back but like…. cute guy (who may have an employee discount???) he’s in.

Iroh, glaring at Sokka, “So you’re a coffee man too, then?”

Sokka, thinking back to his car full of empty energy drink cans, “I don’t know if you’re in the right place emotionally to hear about me.”

Iroh, post Zuko ‘coming out’ about coffee: I miss my nephew so much *sniffs*

Zuko: IM RIGHT HERE

Iroh: sometimes, it is as if I can still hear his voice

Sokka, mid-making out with Zuko, at his apartment: wait, you did order all of that coffee cause you were trying to get an excuse to talk to me right?

Zuko: ok so first you have to promise not to get mad

their first real relationship crisis happens when Zuko stops visiting the coffee shop all the time because he finally caved and got a Keurig

in summary, Zuko and Sokka share one braincell and it’s usually out of commission due to a caffeine crash

Zuko: Uncle, you can’t stay mad at me forever.

Iroh: One is not mad at the ocean for changing the shape of the shore but may still mourn for the loss of what they once remembered.

Sokka: …again, we are just talking about COFFEE!

Sokka one day proposes with writing ‘Marry Me?’ on an Espresso maker and leaving it in the kitchen with a bow. Zuko takes one look at it and swoons, “Yes, I will marry you EspressMaker3000.”

Sokka, behind him with flowers, “Uh, you mean me, right?”

Zuko, jumping out of his skin, “Sokka?! You’re here???”

ten years later 

zuko: uncle, im so sorry for what i did *cries*

iroh: *pulls him into a hug*

zuko: how can you forgive me so easily?

iroh: i was never upset with you, i thought you had lost your way

zuko: i did lose my way

(sokka in the background just CANNOT anymore with his husband and uncle-in-law)

iroh: but you found it again, and you did it by yourself

(sokka in the background, lying on the floor: WHY)

zuko’s redemption arc was weaning himself off coffee to set a good example for izumi and that’s how he found tea once again

zuko, in bed with sokka one night: i know im not the person you fell in love with

sokka: if this is about coffee im filing for divorce, GO TO BED

[Maribat] Hamilton the Musical AU

When @fsketchart​ started screaming about a Hamilton AU in the discord server, I screamed back with a Hamilton the Musical AU and now it’s a thing. Feel free to scream back to me about it!

Keep reading

What an unexpected trilogy. Also, I was going to put Bruce in something resembling Tim’s Robin suit, but Bruce in green undies. You just don’t pass that opportunity up.

First part | Second part

for us to collide

God-fucking-dammit! This was going to be a one shot. This was supposed to be a one shot. But I am now 18k in and there is,,, still so much. I must admit defeat. Here’s the first 9k. There will be more because I apparently hate myself.

also remember how I said that i accidentally ignored the romance for 13k? yeah this is most of that. I am only kind of sorry.

Read on Ao3: I provide more fun commentary on this whole mess over there :)

There is an unspoken rule, kept by any outsider who’s ever set foot in Gotham, that you should only ever visit the city once. (For some, even once was already too much.)

The most dangerous city on earth isn’t kind to its residents—much less strangers who don’t know how to watch their pockets or keep off the streets after dark. It’s gotten better, perhaps, in recent years since the Bat started lurking on rooftops, but that doesn’t mean the city is good.

Normal people stay as far from Gotham as they can get.

Marinette, (un)luckily, is far from normal.

The touring of Metropolis, New York City, and Gotham had been going well as far as Marinette was concerned, no matter what Chloé says to her about carelessness and naivety.

She’s glad her, Adrien and Chloé all decided to take this summer trip before they started University in the fall. It sucks that it was just the three of them, she wishes more of their friends could’ve tagged along but, alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

Kagami was in the middle of fencing season and couldn’t come. Luka was touring with his father, learning the tricks of the trade and other things. Nathaniel had already been commissioned to paint a mural downtown before they really finalized dates. Nino was in much the same boat as Nath, just with music and pitch meetings for his movie script. Felix hated travelling and Alix was doing… something. Time travelling, probably. Or at least spending more time in the burrow.

Marinette was certainly starting to notice the way she’s begun talking about ancient history like she was actually there when she goes on rants now. Felix also probably noticed but Marinette’s also sure that he’s aiding and abetting her in exchange for insider information so…

She’ll probably have to deal with that later, unfortunately. But not today.

Their tour group was going to Amusement Mile later that afternoon but had been given free roam until then. Marinette decided to spend the time up until lunch at the park near the meetup spot in Gotham Square and Chloé hadn’t complained or vetoed that idea so the trio happily camped out on the grass.

Marinette had returned to her sketch of Lady Gotham in between eating bites of her sandwich. She much preferred the style of it to New York City’s Lady Liberty and Tikki agreed with her. There was just something about the Statue of Justice that inspired her.

She’d been doodling it since they left the marina yesterday and had plenty of pictures of the statue for inspiration later. There’s one she especially likes with the sun peeking out over the statue’s shoulder and starbursting over the image but still allowing her to see the silhouette. She’s thinking of printing it out to put up on her wall at home.

She’s playing with the idea of draping fabrics for formal wear designs like the roman togas both Lady statues seem to wear when a tennis ball rolls up and bumps into her leg. She has only enough time to move her sketchbook out of the way before a large dog bowls into her, tail wagging happily and barking up a storm.

“Oof!”

Adrien’s already halfway up the tree, startled out of his light doze by the barking and Chloé only daintily moved away from Marinette, leaving her to her fate.

Pushing herself back up so she’s not crushed by what feels like one hundred kilos of dog, she comes face to snout with quite possibly the biggest dog she’s ever seen. There was really only one choice of action Marinette could have followed.

“Oh! Well, aren’t you just the prettiest boy?” she tells the dog happily, reaching up to give him scratches. “Such a big boy! You nearly bowled me over, didn’t you?”

If it’s possible, the dog’s tail begins to wag even faster, enough that he accidentally overbalances himself and decides to roll with it, flopping onto his back and letting her rub his stomach. Marinette does so enthusiastically, her baby-talk to the dog devolving into broken not-words and the occasional exclamation of good boy! in both English and French.

The dog was a great dane, and had the softest coat of black fur she’s ever seen. There was a thick red collar around his throat, and Marinette stopped furiously rubbing his belly long enough to look at the silver tag attached to it.

“Titus, huh?” she says to the dog. “Such a strong name for such a distinguished boy, huh?”

“Oh god,” she hears Adrien groan from his spot still up in the tree. When she looks up, she finds him eyeing Titus with distrust, the absolute kitten. “I hope whoever his owner is, they’ve never read Shakespeare.”

Both she and Chloé blink at the strange non sequitur.

“Uh, why? Exactly?”

“Because they have shit taste in his plays if they do! Titus Andronicus is, like, Shakespeare’s worst play.”

Chloé glares up at him. “You’re such a nerd. Now stop being ridiculous and get down from there.”

“But, Chloé! It’s a dog.”

“Adrien Algernon Agreste!”

Marinette tunes out the two blondes as they devolve into sibling-like bickering. It’s a skill she’s had to learn and learn quickly with living in such close quarters with the pair for the last few weeks and also being friends with the pair for the past three years.

“Speaking of your owner, I wonder where they are?” She scratches under Titus’ chin thoughtfully. “Should we go look for them?”

Titus’ head flops to the side, almost like he’s listening for something, before he clambers up onto his feet to tower over her. He’s almost twice as tall as she is sitting, which is just ridiculous. Why is everything in America so big?

Getting to her feet herself, Titus still stands almost as tall as her. She can rest her elbow on his back when she grabs his collar to make sure he doesn’t run off. He leads mostly, pulling her along at a steady trot she has to jog to keep up with.

He truly was such a well behaved dog and certainly lived up to his breed’s reputation as a gentle giant.

Or, at least she thought so, until the call of “Titus! Here!” echoes through the park and he goes racing off towards it, dragging Marinette along for the ride no matter how much she tries to slow down.

Titus comes to a skidding stop, and Marinette barely stops herself from falling by keeping her arm around Titus.

“And who are you?”

Looking up, she finds a young man, probably around her age, staring down at her. He doesn’t look happy—but most Gothamites don’t, Marinette’s found. He’s also, despite the glare he’s giving her, very  attractive.

When she opens her mouth, incoherent French comes tumbling out, much to her embarrassment.

Ah. ‘Not being able to speak coherently to people she finds attractive’, she had wondered where that particular personality trait had been as of late. Even after so many years hanging around people who should be—and are—supermodels, she still acts like a spaz. Great.

Why is she like this again?

The man raises an eyebrow at her, looking very unamused.

She tries again. “Ah- Je suis- I mean, I am very sorry. Your dog found me sitting over there with my friends and I figured I should find his owner instead of letting him just wander around and I assume you’re his owner because if you aren’t this is very embarrassing for me. Not that it wasn’t embarrassing before but, oh, I’m definitely rambling and I’m going to shut up now.”

Pressing her lips together as tightly as humanly possible so her tongue will stop making horrible life decisions, she holds Titus’ bright yellow tennis ball out to his owner.

The man huffs, taking the ball from her hand. “I didn’t ask for your life’s story.”

Marinette blinks and then frowns. Her hand tightens around where she’s still holding onto Titus’ collar and she has to very carefully unclench her hand before she breaks it or something.

“I didn’t give it,” she says through clenched teeth, embarrassment abruptly forgotten. There’s no need for the man to be rude.

He scoffs. “Could’ve fooled me.”

She doesn’t really have anything to say to that. Instead, she turns to Titus, who’s sitting like the good boy he is. She very seriously leans down to eye level—she does not have to lean down far—and tells him, “Your owner is an ass. But you are still a very good boy.”

She plants a kiss to his forehead that makes his tail wag, gives him one last scratch behind the ears and walks back towards her friends without looking back at the rude man.

In her pocket, she can hear Tikki giggling.

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And We’ll Always Be Royal

  Marinette hadn’t been least bit surprised when showed up at her locker. She eventually, sooner or later, he’d show. He was biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. The devil always has his day, as her grandmother used to say. It’s why he’s so patient.

           He never rushed Marinette, never pressured her. He never whispered lies in her ears or played little tricks to make things go his way fast. He did with nearly everyone else in the world but not with Marinette. Never Marinette.            In his eyes, Marinette was his equal. She was intelligent, extremely talented, sharp-tongued, poised, beautiful. She had obtained success with her MDC designs that most kids and people twice her age could only dream about and was still going places.  She was nowhere near her pique. She had a fire inside her that could consume the world, and it was more than a match for ice inside of him. Marinette was the only person that ever came to his mind when he thought of who would stand at his side when he ruled the business world with an iron fist.

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WHOEVER MADE THIS I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOUR FRIDGE IS ALWAYS FULL

It’s weird because like, even the movie footage itself has their skin darker than the merchandise- it’s REALLY weird- the bottom one looks much more natural!

I just love the whole “Aurora’s dress is fucking blue okay” aspect

And Cinderella’s was white.

:-D

Ariel’s was pink!

AND CINDERELLA FINALLY HAS HER STRAWBERRY BLONDE HAIR BACK

‘It’s weird’ is code for ‘wow whitewashing is real’

Snow White’s dress actually looks like, well, Snow White’s dress! Same with Tiana, and Aurora, and Rapunzel, and Cinderella, and-

Oh

Yeah

They really butchered Pocahontas in the top one god damn-

Thank you sm for this OP

CINDERELLA’S DRESS WAS WHITE I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS THANK YOU GOD

[1/3]Bombshell Dupain-Cheng: YSSMIAC

Masterlist  Maribat by @ozmav​

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I saw this on Pinterest and died laughing

batman: what’s the situation?

commissioner gordon: Harley and Ivy have hijacked an AM radio station and taken the employees hostage

batman: what are their demands?

commissioner gordon: they haven’t issued any. they, uh.

batman:

[commisioner gordon turns on the radio]

harley: —you gotta walk away, sweetie. His family sounds completely toxic, if not outright emotionally abusive, and he’s too enmeshed to see it.

caller: no, you’re right. you’re right. I gotta do it.

harley: you got this, honey. now, stay on the line a minute, I’m writing down some the names of some books for you and you can get those from Ivy after we’re done. okay! our next caller —

[commisioner gordon turns off the radio]

batman: what station is this?

commisioner gordon: WGTM.

batman: the one that rebroadcasts rush limbaugh?

commissioner gordon:

batman:

commisioner gordon: you know what, i probably didn’t need to call you for this.

I WOULD PAY MONEY FOR RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY? I WOULD CALL RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY?

“alright, babe, one more reminder that my license was revoked which means i have to tell you this as your friend and not as a mental health professional: you have two options here. one of them is safe, legal, and healthy, and will have lasting long term benefits. the other one is fun.”

reblogging for this extremely accurate addition.

Ivy’s segment is where people call in to ask why their succulent is dying and she yells at them for watering it too much.

oh, VERY good

A few weeks in Selina gets dragged into it, and starts offering advice on caring for cats with special dietary needs and stuff. It inevitably turns into Jackson-Galaxy-esque explinations.

"My cat keeps attacking my feet."

"How often do you play with him?"

"Not as much as I should, but he has a basket of toys right there where he can reach it."

"He wants to play with you. Grab a teaser toy or a laser pointer and go nuts. He'll wear himself out in about fifteen minutes and you can go back to work."

great, now i actively want someone to start a podcast that’s just in-character episodes of batman villain radio shows