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Too Old To Tumblr

@cyrusbriar

What you'll find here: Fiction, Poetry, Mediocre Sketches of things resembling people, Phonetography and Random Thoughts.
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L’oubliette

The path I’m treading leads down a tapering obelisk towering endlessly above an emptiness so profound it generates its own gravity. The further I go, the closer the edges creep and with every step, the dark granite mass crumbles behind me into the abyss of what came before, and what will surely come after. In the distance, I see it narrow and sharpen to a keen edge before thinning so perfectly that it vanishes.  I sometimes peer over, curious if anything waits for me there, but I’d be kidding myself wouldn’t I?

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Still Alive

Been super busy at work, away from home and not with easy access to the interwebs. But I'm not quite dead yet!

GIF by abortedunicorn
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So, even though I straightened my septum, my bones were broken, on the right side. So the ear nose throat specialist gave me a choice; wait for an appointment with an anesthesiologist, which will be so far in the future that I’d need full on surgery… or do it the old fashioned way, break the bones back the into their proper place … with no anesthetic.

So … it was pretty painful, but at least I’m not as Owen Wilsony anymore.

Hell of a day though.

My nose is literally shattered. I can push it out of position with a single finger.

Hence the tape, to try and keep it together.

#cyrusbriar
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You may not notice, but my nose is crooker today. Broke it in a few places. Considering my line of work and the size of my nose; I'm surprised I made it 32 years withour breaking it. I set it myself after the break, and it was particularly hilarious to hear the boys freak out when the cartilage cracked and popped as I tried to re-align it. Got it mostly straight. My skull's actually fractured though, at the tip of the nose bone; so I gotta go see a specialist to make sure it's still structurally sound. Wish me luck!

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There are only so many words for my breath to whisper to paint your picture.

I’ve said them all before in different ways in the same daze.

I can’t seem to define the line of your figure

You’ve evaded my mind's grasp, its blind touch abysmal to your beauty.

It’s ultimately for the better.

It hurts to hold once, what one cannot hold forever.

#poeticstories#writerscreed#wnq-writers#wnq poetry#poetryriot
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My GOD, one thing I’ve certainly taken for granted is a solid wifi signal.

It’s so wonderful to watch the internet NOT behave like it did in my youth on a 64k modem.

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//RANT// Depression is an addiction we don’t want to admit we have. When I was a full blown alcoholic I tried to get help; they told me “You have no power over your addiction.” Like hell I don’t! I walked out and never went back. That lie was all I needed to prove to myself I DID have power over my addiction. I quit drinking for a year, and have had POWER over the bottle ever since. I knew I could do that, because once long ago, someone told me I had no power over Depression. Like hell I don’t! Anyone who tells you that you can’t WILL yourself to enjoy life hasn’t accepted the fact that they’re addicted to misery. When you tell a drunk they can just quit drinking, they come up with so many excuses. When you tell someone suffering from depression they can be happy, they do the same thing. Most people don’t realize the depths I dragged myself out of a lifetime ago. I know the feeling of wanting to stay in that hole. So make a choice. Life is all about choices. Easy ones, hard ones, seemingly impossible ones. Choose to live. Choose to be happy, not by just saying “Okay I’m trying to be happy and it isn’t working.” Everything worth anything takes effort. You wanna know what takes no effort at all? Wallowing in depression. It takes effort to make yourself happy. I know damn well that when I was an alcaholic, I was choosing to be. When I was depressed, I was choosing not to climb out of it. Do I still get drunk? Yeah, I do. Do I still get depressed? Everyone gets depressed. Nobody’s going to fix you but yourself. There’s no pill, no treatment that will work better than actual effort. If you’re reading and you’re angry; saying “I want to be happy but I can’t be! I have a problem outside of my control!” Go get a pad and paper, and tally up the number of times you’ve deliberatly TRIED to stimulate positivity today. A drowning person who doesn’t know how to swim still flails like all hell, because that’s all they’ve got! If you can’t fill a page with attempts to be happy; you’re not trying. Get up. Go outside, even if it’s the most terrifying thing you could think of. Even if it gives you a panic attack. Go outside and pass out in the backyard from hyperventilation if that’s what it takes; but DO SOMETHING. Think about the last thing that truly made you laugh, smile or feel even remotely good, and replicate it. Tell yourself you’re awesome, even if it feels like a lie; fake it ‘till you make it. You think I’m full of shit? You want to give me a piece of your mind? Tell me I’m a fool? If that’ll give you some cathartic sense of relief, go ahead. I’m here for you. Depression has taken many of my friends; and nearly took me a handful of times. You DO have power over it. And let’s just say I’m wrong and no matter how hard you fight, it’s a lost cause. Well, I’d rather go out fighting than fade away.

@cyrusbriar

#cyrusbriar#rant#depression#beating depression
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When life has me really down, I remind myself how utterly unimportant I am. Contrary to how that might sound, it calms me. It reminds me how utterly unimportant my problems are. I think back to the very fundamental purpose of existence. We are organisms trying to procreate, to spread our species; but it’s nearsighted to think that copulation is the meaning of life. If you dig a little deeper, you’ll realize that reproduction is just a tool. The true, undisputed fundamental purpose of all living things is even more simple, and by duality, infinitely more complex. Information. We exist to pass on information. This is the most clear simplification of the complexity of existence. When I hold my wife’s hips and burry my face in her hair, I’m communicating; fulfiling my purpose. When I help someone work through a hard day, or simply listen to their problems; I’m fulfilling my purpose. When I get lost on wikipedia, or write a story about the social disparity of our generation; I’m fulfilling my purpose. One day, if I have children; teaching them acceptance, tolerance and the pitfalls of descrimination; I’ll be fulfilling my purpose. We are here to learn, love and teach; to better the next generation, to decypher the greatest of puzzles: Existence.

@cyrusbriar

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Immortals

You watched the bones clatter against her sacred ground and murdered virgins at her behest. You had your name carved into mountains; and your likeness hewn from the hardest stone. Scribes wrote of great deeds you never did, and a thousand men crafted your final resting place; one last attempt at living on.

The papyrus has crumbled to dust, your statues have been defaced; your name stricken from the stone by your successors.

After a lifetime of seeking immortality, the most grave insult is that thousands of years after you have been forgotten; my generation succeeds where you have failed, every day.

This message will go places your statues could never go, and will live on longer than the earth itself.

For when all of humanity has vanished; our legion of thoughts will continue to travel the stars.

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super quick boredom board.

jk ofc

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You, who have mistaken my kindness for weakness when I apologized one too many times for your sensabilities. This thin veneer of social etiquette, a role that I had to master to return “healthy” from warfare; is the only thing stopping me from crushing your larynx. So walk on, ignorant of my fury. Me and mine sacrificed our mortal souls for you to wield the free speech with which you’ve just insulted me. Remember. If a day comes when this fool I play must no longer walk the stage of civility; you will discover the true depth of my weakness.

@cyrusbriar

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My knees bled for the time I spent on them begging for your salvation; and in the candlelight, drowning in whispers, I partook of your flesh and blood. As the years went on, the world began to speak to me in a language you forbade. I fought for you, though you remained silent. Soon the forbidden words were a torrent of knlowledge; an avalanche of truths too pure to ignore. I asked for you to tell me, show me if your path was right; but not a single word rose from the cold abyss that was your voice. I shed your teachings, the heavy chains of their meaning clattering to the ground; the sound of reason echoing in their defeat. I would ask for your forgiveness, but one cannot receive from that which does not exist.

@cyrusbriar

#cyrusbriar#writerscreed#wnq-writers#poetryriot#poeticstories
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