I could be quite literally swimming in a pool of lava with alligators gnawing on my arms and birds pecking at my eyes and someone would ask me how I’m doing and I’d be like “never been better!! :) thank you!! but enough about me how are you!!”

yknow how like everyone was so shocked by robin williams’s suicide because he was such an upbeat person? not to say im gonna kill myself but rather how the fuck am I supposed to live while feeling like I have to play this role of a perfectly happy person 24/7? people keep asking me how I’m coping with it all and I’m like oh hey ho things happen, every cloud has a silver lining, I’ll make good of it all soon, but what I really want to say is that I feel like a failure!!!! I feel like a fuck up!!!!!! one of the few things in my life that made me feel somewhat decent about myself is gone!!! I am coping with this terribly!!!!!! I am horribly allergic to change in my life and this has flipped me upside down!!!!!! help!!!!!!!!!!!!! but I say nothing and do nothing and just smile like I always do in every situation ever

I have this very good talent where I can make it seem like I’m perfectly okay and I’m handling all these terrible things very well

the only downside to this is that it feels like I’m falling apart from the inside out and like I’m on the verge of a catastrophic breakdown at any given second