Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?

Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.

Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?

Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.

The Library!

For When Not Even God Can Help You!

Tastes

Horribly abusing the "save me" format it's just applicable to everything

Worlds oldest haunted house has passed away at the age of 207

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of... maybe everything actually

No no they could be onto something here

What's the worst that could happen? Worth a shot.

Ah. splanters. In and on my penas. And yeah they're haunted.

The Four Sacred Artistic Motives:

-what if this bad thing was good instead

-how about Make-Believe Land can have whatever I want

-would that be fucked up or what

-I think that shit's hot

he can infodump so deep inside me I'll have trivia running down my leg

I've seen posts going around claiming that petting animals is basically tricking them into thinking they're being groomed, and it's bugging me because, like, there's no trickery afoot. Petting and scritching are grooming activities. They help to dislodge loose fur and foreign objects and more evenly distribute protective oils, among other things. Primates are social groomers, and the human impulse to scritch is the legacy of our primate ancestors. We see an animal we like, even a dangerous one, and the monkey brain says "groom that thing".

Sucking a guy's dick is basically tricking him into thinking he's having sex

derin why

I'm helping

there are so many words to use in place of “penis” in regards to smut. there’s dick. or shaft. we got cock. member. organ. length. hell, even manhood! all are acceptable replacements.

but what do we have for the testicles? nuts? no thank you. ballsac or, lord forbid, just sac? i’d literally rather be tarred and feathered. using their government name and just calling them testicles? take me out back and gimme the ol’ yeller treatment.

how has the english language evolved so much yet we have no acceptable word for testicles in a sexy context? how can we claim we’ve advanced as a society when the best word for describing when two characters are fucking nasty and the noble and mighty testes are swaying about is balls?

BALLS

wanna run that one by me again, champ?

Here ya go. My apologies.

cheers, mate.

you make an incredibly valid point as all of those cock replacements give me pause, but they don’t pack the same yank-me-outta-the-story-sucker-punch as balls does. i’d even go so far as to say balls slaps me in the face. balls smacks into you. i’m not fond of the way fondling must be described. it’s a hairy predicament, if i may say. one that makes me want to give it the sack. but alas, it’s one that seems to stand the teste-ment of time.

Yeah Gavin would probably be buff and all that. But have you thought about. A little tummy. Have you considered. Tummy.

I HAVE and in fact I reject all buff or muscular Gavins. Yeah he can throw a punch but my guy does not have washboard abs

Actually daddy you're being kinda needy can you shut the fuck up for a bit, kitten's got a banging headache.

Today I accidentally knocked a monarch caterpillar off its leaf and it fell and immediately began oozing green liquid. I was devastated. I thought I'd killed it. Turns out they do that on purpose to defend against predators. Fooled by a fat little worm. Irrecoverable

look at my head boy

not a character who died and came back different or who died but came back the same but a character who died and came back extremely angry that you stopped digging for them

you were so close

why did you give up on me

why did I have to drag myself out of this grave without you

*holding my hat in my hands* well y'see the ppl in the cemetery were gettin all mad about. u know, the grave digging. aw babe don't bite my arm again don't be mad im sorry

I love you disabled tops. I love you disabled doms. I love you people who take Viagra. I love you people who have to use specific positions to spare their joints. I love you people who can't grip their partner very hard. I love you people who have to take frequent breaks from thrusting. I love you I love you I love you.

Something I love about writing fanfiction is that when canon drops an absolute dungheap of a writing decision, you do not have to just sit there and be disappointed about it. You have a whole world of interesting options.

1) Nothing here is salvageable. This plot point is a trash fire and it’s quickly setting the rest of the franchise ablaze. We as a fandom have elected to ignore it. It did not happen. I will write events as if they continued correctly.

2) Nothing here is salvageable, trashfire, etcetera, but let’s just play in the space for a moment. If we allow that fine, this incredibly stupid thing happened, can we mulch it down and grow something interesting from it? What led to things ending up so off the rails? Where do we go from here? What are the worldbuilding implications? I will dig deeply into this dungheap and make something worthwhile out of it.

3) There is the seed of a really good idea in here. The execution was garbage, but if it had been done differently, with better writing, with better pacing, with more thought and care and tact, it could have been golden. I will redo it, but better.

And there are many interesting combinations of correct/worthwhile/better! I love delving into this in my own writing, and seeing it in other people’s writing, because suddenly your fic is having a conversation with the original work. It’s transformative! It says something about what you personally loved and hated and took away from the story!