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— 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚕𝚢.

@itwasnightwhenyoudied

sufjanstevensnatural ✞ destiel; fresh from turbohell ✞ spn shenanigans ✞ been around the block a few times folks ✞ main is @all-or-nothing-baby where you'll find my ao3/spotify/sideblog links ✞ cassidy ✞ transqueer ✞ often 18+ ✞ omega lol ✞ suffering from dean winchester derangement syndrome ✞ cas is my best friend [underselling] ✞ sam positive! because he's a massive freak and a lesbian and i love that for him ✞ icon/header: my artwork ✞ tags are #iwnwyd arts + #iwnwyd writes ✞ this blog be 100% WANK-FREE okay, cowboy? ✞ btw i did it—all of it—for you ♡
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angelsdean

feeling a little weepy thinking abt young dean layering on this over masculine persona bc not-so-deep-down he knows he’s not like that, he knows he’s different and he’s terrified. he doesn’t want to be different he just wants to fit in and be liked. he wants people to like him so bad, he wants to relate to the other boys, wants to have friends. but, he is different and he knows it, can never stop thinking about it and what’s worse is that other people see it too, they see his delicate features, they call him pretty, Dad tells him constantly he needs to toughen up, stop being so soft, and it scares him, it scares him so much that other people can see it, can see that there’s something “off” about him, he’s not like the other boys, he’s not what Dad wants him to be, so he tries he really tries to hide all parts that don’t fit Dad’s ridged mold. he dissects himself, amputates all his “wrong” parts, hides under ill-fitting leather jackets and layers of flannel and denim, keeps his hair cropped close, shows off his scars and bruises and hopes they make him look tough, cool. like in the movies. but inside, not-so-deep-down, he’s scared he’s scared he’s scared. always waiting for someone to notice, to call him out on his performance 

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