Man, now I remember why I ditched tumblr among the other various shit, I go to the tag to find some cute “get well” fanart to show Cry. And I see shade being thrown about him (the guy who literally almost died recently.) Shade that is just totally wrong.

Grinds my damn gears when people think Cry and I were ever legally not supposed to be together. Even if we had gotten together the night we met, it would have been legal. And we didn't enter a relationship for a while.

Thank you all who came to the stream. Every cent is going toward Cry’s bill and it wouldn’t have been possible without a community as great as ours.

Transparency.

I'm sorry.

I honestly didn't know I was negatively affecting people that much. I know I'm a bit too abrasive and harsh for some people and I'm slowly starting to realize it can actually hurt them. It is all unintentional though. I genuinely feel bad, and I apologize. Ziegs, I wish you and everyone I've accidentally hurt the best.

And please know that I would never, absolutely for any reason try and stop someone from pursuing any kind of career. I'm not sure how I even feasibly would and I don't know how you came to that conclusion, but know that that is not the kind of person I am.

I am also NOT the type of person to push someone to suicidal thoughts. I am not. Where this lie (and I don’t mean to invalidate what Ziegs felt, I don’t. I simply mean this as the lie that I am intentionally someone who would do this) came from, I've no clue but I wish to stop it here and now.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Depression. I know what it is like to be at the brink and I find myself there far too much. And to think there are people that actually believe I am some type of monster to push someone there as well – I just can't find myself wanting to go on knowing that such a blatant lie exists. Please, whatever you think of me – be it “rude” or “bitch”, that's fine. But, I am begging you to believe, I am NOT someone who would ever put someone to even begin thinking of taking their life.

Had I ever known or ever been told that's what I was apparently doing, I would have immediately stopped.

I'm sorry that I was so detrimental to you, I am. But I was never made aware of my actions. Not once was I ever told about how you felt. Not once. You spoke to Cry once and then left. You gave him an ultimatum and expected him to be a miracle worker. There's no excuse for that. In no way, through text or through speech, did you try to get to me to tell me what I was doing. I can understand your reasoning, I can. But it isn't fair to him or to me how you went about this.

I am being yelled at, harassed, insulted, and threatened for doing something I was never told I was doing.

Ziegs, I wish you had actually come to me about how you felt about me or about how I was affecting you, because it is hard to word things right now without seeming insincere or defensive. But if that is how it had to be, then I suppose it's how it has to be. By going public with private affairs, you chose the hard way for everybody, and I wish things were different. It isn't fair to any of us now.

I am sorry. I hope you realize that I'm not whatever horrible thing you think I am; I'm a person.

I am a person who is trying.

Maybe it’s time to go see my mother.