heyrosiebee reblogged
Anonymous asked:
you push so much about self soothing instead of getting reassurance from people. are you saying that it's not ok to get reassurance from others? because that sounds pretty toxic
Hi anon,
I'm really sorry to give off that impression. That's not at all what I meant to convey. What I'm trying to suggest is that before asking for reassurance, we first try and self-soothe.
The truth is that for a lot of people, giving reassurance constantly is exhausting. It can lead to issues in a relationship over time, and negative feelings on both ends because they may end up avoiding the other person. This is especially true if someone doesn't ask for reassurance directly but hints at it with things like "No one cares about me."
My advice is if you are finding yourself struggling, to first try and self soothe either with skills or things that have helped in the past. Some examples.
- Keep screenshots, letters, cards etc that affirm you are cared about by your loved ones. You can even ask someone to give you a recording of them saying it that you can listen to. Bonus: Keep these things in a self-care box that you can use in times of crisis and pull out that has other things in like affirmation cards, favourite treats, self care items, etc.
- Examine the evidence. By this I mean try and keep a list of things they've done to show they care about you. For example, I have a list of things my partner has done for me besides saying "I love you" of both big things and little things that I can read when my brain decides to be rude to me and make me doubt he cares.
- If the other person has done something specifically to make you feel they don't care, it's important to step back and look at the situation and check the facts. There's a difference between someone lying to you or doing something intentional and someone not replying to you because they got busy.
- ACCEPTS is a really good skill for distractions! Here's a post on it.
- TIPP is a good skill if you are needing to calm down in immediate crisis. Here's a post on it.
- If you're having urges to accuse your loved one of not caring, consider Urge Surfing (here's a post on it) and then using a skill or plan that helps you.
If you aren't able to self-soothe that's so valid! It really is. I recommend trying it because sometimes you will be able to. But then sometimes you won't be able to and that's okay. In this case, if you need to get it from someone, ask directly for it instead of doing it in a guilting/passive aggressive/hinting way. You might say "Hey. I know you care about me, but my brain is being rude. Can you please give me some reassurance?" instead of "Sorry I'm such a bad friend/person/burden/etc".
It might also be worth having a conversation when calm with the other person to establish some boundaries and ideas for communication.
For example, if your friend regularly feels drained by you asking for reassurance, they could set boundaries on how often they're okay for you to ask for it.
You both might decide that they will try and message you randomly to offer reassurance because it can mean a lot when that happens.
This might be where they send you messages/recordings/etc that you can read in times of need.
If the friend is doing something specifically, even unintentionally, that makes you question things then it's really valid to have a discussion about it! I recommend using some I-Statements or other communicative skills to talk about it. Even if they aren't doing something wrong, it's still valid to talk about your feelings and see if you can come up with a solution. For example, maybe it's really hard on you that they disappear randomly for a couple days when their energy levels plummet. And this causes you to spiral and think they're ghosting you or etc. In this situation, maybe you and your friend come up with a solution where you establish a single emoji (specific for this purpose) that the friend can send with low energy that says "Hey. It's not you but I'm feeling drained and need to not reply for a bit."
TLDR: I don't think it's never okay to ask for reassurance, I just think it's important to self-soothe and not bombard people for reassurance because that can put strain on your relationships in the long-term.
heyrosiebee reblogged
sticker update :3c
heyrosiebee reblogged
Three in a Row.
*badababum tshh* (yes I tried to be funny)
heyrosiebee reblogged
Traces of memories (2022)
Another piece featuring my tulip OC :D
When I was younger tulips never occured to me as anything special, but they´ve really grown on me the past few years. They´re such simplistic, yet uniquely shaped flowers!
heyrosiebee reblogged
become so committed to your goals that no amount of failure could ever stop you.
heyrosiebee reblogged
happy blues 😊💙
really like how this picture turned out to be. Was kind of sceptical about the flowers but it turned out okay!
heyrosiebee reblogged
Anna Haifisch
Babe are you okay I saw you reblogging "here's the life I've always longed for"
for anyone curious there is a follow up image:
heyrosiebee reblogged
littlepie.hoian
heyrosiebee reblogged
Studies show that approaching youth with a bystander-intervention model is actually a lot more effective for reducing sexual assault, and it is also more enthusiastically received than programs that bill themselves as anti-rape.
We can tell youth that they are basically “rapists waiting to happen” (anti-rape initiative), or we can tell them that we know they would intervene if they saw harm happening to someone and we want to help empower them to do that (bystander intervention). The kids jump in with both feet for the latter! It was amazing to see children (and young boys in particular) excited to do this work and engage their creativity with it. Also, studies show that not only do they go on to intervene, but they also do not go on to sexually assault people themselves. Bystander intervention also takes the onus off the person being targeted to deter rape and empowers the collective to do something about it. It answers the question in the room when giggling boys are carrying an unconscious young woman up the stairs at a house party, and people are not sure how to respond and are waiting for “someone” to say or do something.
Richard M. Wright, “Rehearsing Consent Culture: Revolutionary Playtime” in the anthology Ask: Building Consent Culture edited by Kitty Stryker
This is also, btw, how the US drastically reduced drunk driving in the US. Telling people they shouldn’t drive when intoxicated made absolutely zero difference. A slogan-and-ad-campaign for “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk!” changed drinking culture. Going after the bystanders is quite often the most effective thing to do in any social change.
heyrosiebee reblogged
subwayhands + reading
heyrosiebee reblogged
are u ever sick w longing. and i don't just mean romantic longing. i mean longing for a place you barely get to see, longing for friends you no longer have, longing for feelings you might have left behind in your childhood, longing for creativity, longing for a rich and more expansive life, longing for less inhibition. longing for more passion. longing for ur life to be so incandescent w something it thaws all the frost in ur bones. are u ever so consumed w it it rends ur heart in two. do u understand me
this is not just "look out the window and sigh" longing. i'm talking you're at the grocery store and you're suddenly hit w a wave of grief bc you don't have it. you don't have whatever it is you ache so badly to have. you go about your everyday life and yet it throbs under your skin moment by moment, almost as though it has a life of its own. that's the kind of longing i mean.
heyrosiebee reblogged
three internet trends i will (regrettably) probably never grow out of:
• typing in a cresCENDO TO EXPRESS EXCITEMENT • …………..unnecessarily……. long……….. ellipsis’ • puttinfh a typo in eveyr other word to shwo u dont really give a fukc but u actually do
poseidhn
- also unnecessary!!!! punctuation marks??????? like…… ??? what is going on here????? i!! am!!! so!!! excited!!!!
- and™ totally™ unneeded™ trademark symbols™
twentyonelizards
personally I enjoy Random Capitalisation to show things are Very Important
open-plan-infinity
- can we also talk about starting a sentence and then kind of just
And,, likeeee commas,, you knowwww the comma thing,, and the funny long word to show you’re being sillyyyyy,,
also some frequent line breaks to show youre
taking
your
TIME
with the point youre trying to get across
And just like. Putting full stops in random parts of a sentence
heyrosiebee reblogged
"someone who allows you to rest" is the relationship dynamic of all time
A parent that welcomes you back home after things have fallen apart. A best friend whose voice alone who can make you relax. A spouse who convinces you to stay in bed an extra hour and leave the dishes for later. A stranger who sees you tired and gives up their seat on the train. Augh. The humanity of it
heyrosiebee reblogged
keep the sun in your heart
heyrosiebee reblogged
