cy-ella reblogged
cy-ella reblogged
Raptor Mouth perfec t size for put baby in to n\ap! inside very Soft and Comfort. Araptor Mouth yes a place for a baby put baby in raptor mouth can trust raptor
cy-ella reblogged
Starting a new thread of insane shit I over hear my husband say to our toddler.
- “Here, will this rice cake cracker sate your dark passanger?”
2. “Come now my child.”
*bluey the album starts playing*
3. “Oh I am so sorry. You’ve been mildly inconvenienced. How dare I truly”
4. “It is she! Her Majesty, Queen of the Sludge, Keeper of Goo, DJ Baby P (In the House) Dropper of Beats and Clapper of Hands”
5. He is in charge of bathtime and he lifted the ghoul tonight while singing “come with me and you’ll be in a world of baby sanitation” and I laughed so hard I snorted pasta
6. Okay this is more one that he said to me about the toddler but he was home with her while I was at work and I just got this text
7.
“Happy Independence Day Sweetie! Nationalism is a cancer!”
8. This is another one he said to me about her but still it made me laugh so hard I nearly choked
9.
*Penny babbling in the back seat, many la la las coming from her car seat*
“Are you singing us a song? Ah yes the dulcet tones of goblin”
10.
“Listen kid, I can’t let you have the cup anymore because you keep chugging the bath water, so we just have to remove the cup from the equation.”
11.
*penny is screaming, trying to climb back up a big slide at the playground*
“Someday you’ll learn about ,I don’t know physics and the myth of Sisyphus ,and you’ll start making a lot of connections I think. “
12. *Pen is still screaming and baby cussing about not being able to climb back up the slide*
“The problem is that you set goals for yourself that are unattainable by both man and baby.”
13.
“You can keep the cookie container, I don’t care. What kind of father would I be if I tried to separate a small raccoon child from her trash!?”
14.
*Penny is crying because the bucket she insisted on sitting in fell off the couch with her in it. Husband is bouncing her and rubbing her back after assessing that no physical damage occurred, just a bruised toddler ego*
“Oh my poor sweet angel. She fucked around and found out.”
15.
16. “The only three things this child cares about is Elmo, Cooking Videos, and Keith Tryguy”.
17.
“Hey. No! Cup privileges hereby rescinded, bath chugger”
18.
we miss him a lot
19.
20.
“I just don’t know how you and I, the two most indoorsy people to ever exist, managed to give birth to I don’t know , Baby Bear Grylls!?”
21.
“Not that I ever would because I love her and she’s my best friend, but I’m pretty sure if we just gave her one of those old timey kerchiefs on a stick and like sent her into the woods, she’d be fine. She’d come home in a week with berries and woodland friends ready to go to war for her.”
cy-ella reblogged
The transition from innate human kindness wanting to pass something forward and monkey brain want make chaos is really sharp and sudden.
cy-ella reblogged
I love nothing more at this point in life than these videos coming out from Nick.
I did not think that Blue's Clues would be the highlight of my adulthood.
cy-ella reblogged
knitting tutorial made by a twenty-something knitting influencer: 18 min long, 12 of those minutes being the intro and a sponsor plug, they show the first few steps of the tutorial at the slowest speed known to man, they show the most important steps at a neck-break speed, they stop every five seconds to talk about what they just did, 40,000 comments filled with questions ranging from insightful to “how do i knit”, filmed with a camera that costs more than a car, the tutorial is incorrect.
knitting tutorial made by a seventy-something grandmother: two min long, filmed 17 years ago, shows you what you want with the skilled patient hands of a beloved deity, made with the world’s shittiest camera, the best video on the fucking internet, four comments and 30 views, you lose the video and never find it again.
two things i’m noticing in the notes:
1. every artist/crafter/cook agreeing that influencers in their communities also pull shit like this
2. ppl shouting out their fav old lady tutorials and being like “i would die for u diane”
everyone in the notes was being super lovely and dropping their fav tutorials/crafters, so i made a list of some of them (sorry if i missed any!):
Joanne’s web (knitting and crochet)
Knitting with Suzanne Bryan (knitting)
EliZZa (German knitting community)
Jane Loures (cooking)
Happy Berry Crochet (crochet)
Sue Ripsch (chainmaille jewelry)
SeaLemonDIY (book binding)
FourKeysBookArts (book binding)
sheilasknittingtipsandtricks
VeryPinkKnits (several recs for this!)
Mick Grewcock (bow making)
Mrs Nadelspiel (knitting)
Winwick Mums Knit n Natter (knitting Facebook group)
Cutsey Crafts (embroidery)
Twinsday (sewing)
Creative Grandma (crochet)
Das Bookbinding (bookbinding)
Yoyomax12 (baking)
Sharon B (doll repainting)
Nimbleneedles (knitting)
Chasing Sunraee (crochet)
Heindselman’s Knit & Chasing Sunraee (crochet)
Heindselman’s Knit & Gifts (America’s oldest knitshop)
Ivor Sorefingers (guitar)
Elly Everyday (overnight sourdough recipe)
K3n Slowstitch (stitching)
Miss Nancy/Nancy Zieman (PBS knitting episodes for free on youtube)
Roxanne Richardson (knitting)
Imamu Room Husbento (bento box making)
Nerdforge (bookbinding)
Jess Huff (amigurumi)
Nerdy Knitting (knitting)
Gayle Francis (crochet)
Bag-o-day Crochet (crochet)
Sewing with Nancy (sewing)
Felts by Philippa (felting)
Sowoolly (knitting)
Nadelspiel (knitting)
Lacefromireland (lace)
Bill Souza (yarn crafts for left handed folks)
and my personal fav that I just had to look up:
Glendalf, who made a tutorial for fixing a prius battery.
Sally Pointer (lots of historical textile and wild food things, my go-to for nettle fiber textile stuff)
You know when Terry Pratchett said 'It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works'? Yeah, he meant this.
cy-ella reblogged
I know I’ve said this before but vampires
- don’t show up on camera
- can fly/scale walls
- immune to bullets
- can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit
- could probably hypnotize security guards as needed
therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums
Oceans 1100 AD
Very interested in the hardest part of this beign the vampires trying to trick someone into granting them permission to enter the premises earlier in the day
I feel like this has several simple solutions!
- they enter the museum while it’s open to the public (and the Welcome sign is on display). they turn into bats and hide in the rafters until the museum closes. the only hiccup is when the overhead announcement comes on and politely requests all visitors leave for closing. the vampire are forced to flee, but come back the next day with tiny bat-sized earplugs.
- downside: this requires going out in daylight, leading most of the team members to show up in long black victorian formalwear, complete with lacy parasols, which they insist on carrying with them throughout the entire heist (much to the frustration of the team leader, who just wore sunscreen and a raincoat).
- depending on how invitations work, it is possible any random human can invite them in. one of the vampires gets their Ultimate Frisbee buddy Oakley to tag along and invite them in after closing.
- downside: the gang spends the rest of the heist gently mocking the idea of a vampire playing association ultimate frisbee (“so what, you turn into a bat and catch it with your fangs? do they make you crawl up the wall when it gets stuck on a roof? if you turn into a cat to get it down from a tree, do you end up stuck in the tree?”) this ends in a Climactic Twist Ending when Oakley reveals they don’t play ultimate frisbee, just dog park frisbee. In the sense that they met when the vampire transformed into a wolf to gatecrashed a game at the local dog park.
- (Bonus points if Oakley is a werewolf. extra bonus points if this is revealed in a post-credits epilogue where, on the next full moon, the entire gang transforms into creatures of the night and joins Oakley at the park for a frisbee game of Bats vs Wolves)
- Final option: to gain legitimate entry, an invitation is needed from a museum employee. this presents two possibilities:
- the vampires pretend to be incredibly rich eccentric patrons who want a private nighttime tour of the museum. (this is convincing due to the fact they are rich and incredibly eccentric.) the vampires get inside, planning to hypnotize the Curator supervising their tour.
- downside: they immediately discover the Curator has been left immune to hypnosis by years of post-grad exposure to droning history lecturers. the vampires leave their least competent member to distract her while they carry out the heist–in the ensuing 90 minutes, the vampire and the curator accidentally Fall In Love after bonding over their shared fury about british archeological theft.
- (In the sequel they get married and spend their honeymoon robbing the British Museum in order to return sacred objects to the cultures from which they were stolen. this is made more
complicatedcomical by the fact vampires are unable to interact with holy objects. also, they are lesbians.) - alternatively: the gang simply bribes a security guard into letting them in after closing. the security guard then tags along, offering helpful advice for disabling alarms and transporting antiques. it turns out Security Officer Greer only applied for the job bc they too were planning an Elaborate Acrobatic Burglary, but then their partners quit to join Cirque du Soleil and “I can’t exactly perform a Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special without a partner.”
- downside: the gang becomes too attached to ask Greer to leave. They carry out the heist as intended, but this time pretending to be circus performers to explain their vampire powers. Turning into a cloud of smoke to bypass locks? Magicians never explain a trick. Spider walking across ceilings to bypass alarms? Contortionist. When it comes time to fly from roof to roof, they decide turning into bats would give away their secret, so instead they help Greer, in a sparkling moment of triumph, execute the perfect Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special!
- Greer and the gang escape (by tightrope walking) into the night with all the plunder they can carry. Tearfully, the gang begins to say goodbye (bc they can’t keep up the pretense of being circus performers forever) when Greer casually asks how a bunch of vampire ended up working in a circus.
- (Greer assumed from the beginning they were vampires, because of “how you dress, how you talk, and mostly because none of you showed up on camera back in the CCTV control room. Why did you think it took me so long to let yall in?”)
- I cannot for the lives of me decide which synopsis I like best
(all ideas shared on this blog are public domain, feel free to go nuts. you can find more story ideas like this on my ko-fi)
cy-ella reblogged
"i hate small talk. you are a stranger. why the fuck would i want to talk about the weather with you"
i may be a deeply introverted and asocial individual, but even i recognize how many relationships have started with a single innocuous question, forged in the fire of an ember lit by humoring it with an answer.
humans make small talk, because small talk can grow.
"can i borrow your red?" without even thinking, you hand over a crayon. your peer smiles, missing the same tooth you are missing. you smile back, and you both talk about the tooth fairy. tomorrow, you each 'buy' one another's drawings, one fresh new quarter each.
"what's that on your keychain?" you look up, the face of a fellow teen peering over the back of the bus seat. you hesitate, suddenly worried you seem less mature than others in your grade, but you tell them it is something called a neopet. next week, you have accepted their friend request. you draw them art of their new shoyru, and they explain some basic coding to you to make your skeith's custom pet page 'pop' more.
"woah, what's with all the bananas?" someone chuckles as they take notice of your shopping cart. it is a bit silly, but you explain you're trying a new recipe, but are sure you are going to get it wrong many times, so you are doubling up on all the ingredients. the stranger admits they're not a great cook either. they tell you a story of when they set their dorm room on fire. you have also set something on fire, but it wasn't a dorm room. you playfully hint it was not an accident either. you recognize mischief in one another's eyes, but also, that it is something more than mischief. a year from now, while the two of you are no longer strangers, you will be standing side by side in the streets with your fists in the air in the name of one, tears in your eyes long before the canisters fall.
"i don't understand the appeal of this newfangled thing, do you?" as you glance to the bar TV to see what they are referring to, you tell them that you do. as luck would have it, you have a walked a path in life that lead you to understanding it. you offer to explain it, for it truly is not as strange, or even as newfangled as one would think. it has been five years, and while it's not all you do together, every friday you see one another for drinks. they are someone else, but the someone else is them, and they are happier than they have ever been. as are you. this particular friday, you have a ring in your pocket. part of them knows you do.
"how about this weather, huh?" for a moment, you do not look up. you do not speak. you are looking down at your plate. you are at the table of acquaintances, in their very own home. well, on their patio, rather. they are not your friends, per se, but you know their names and the creases on their faces. your face has creases too. it has been thirty five years, and that is a long time to see the same two people sit at the same two stools every weekend, only for one day, one of the stools is empty. however close or distant, everyone knows, and everyone feels the absence. and some have invited you over for dinner tonight. the wife is quite the cook. finally, you respond.
"sorry, what was that?"
"i said 'how about this weather,' it's been so nice lately, hasn't it?"
though your heart and bones are aching from the rain your joints now just know is coming, you smile.
"yes. yes it has."
“i said 'how about
this weather,’ it’s been so nice
lately, hasn’t it?”
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Don't make me cry haiku bot
cy-ella reblogged
* * * News Interruption * * *
cy-ella reblogged
Y'know what? Maybe I WOULD like a home among the gum trees. With lots of plum trees. I can see the benefits of a sheep or two and a kangaroo.
Have you considered a clothesline? If you put it out the back you would still have space for a verandah out the front.
Got space for my old rocking chair?
If so, I'll be in the kitchen, cooking up a roast.
While you're up, could you please make me a Vegemite on toast?
Sounds like there'll be more than just you and me for that cup of tea
Once we've settled down, could go out on the porch and watch the possums play
cy-ella reblogged
cy-ella reblogged
PLEASE watch this. i love chaotic sisters best dynamic in the world
1. this should be required viewing for anyone writing young girls, especially sisters
2. she did a good job and totally saved their asses.
cy-ella reblogged
cy-ella reblogged
Source: tiktok.com