The other thing that makes me feel better about aging is that time I was at the lesbian meetup and talking to some cool ladies in their late 50s who said they wanted to organise a new meetup just for their age group and above.

"Oh, why?" I asked. One of them heaved a sigh of immense weariness and said "We're tired of younger women trying to fuck us."

Pipeweed-pilled boob-maxxer

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

@kleenexwoman

obsessed with john waters parents, they were funnier than him!

lmao

mrs waters you will always be famous (to me)

I know no one is gonna see this so fuck it.

FROM NOW ON EVERYONE ONLY GETS 1 REBLOG. YOU HAVE TO RELY ON YOUR FOLLOWERS TO ADD REBLOG NOTES. YOU CAN TELL YOUR FOLLOWERS ANYTHING YOU WANT. BUT YOU CAN ONLY REBLOG ONCE.

Additionally: https://www.tumblr.com/gimmick-blog-mansion/746150518712401920/considering?source=share

10- I drink water everyday

20- I’ll eat 3 meals a day

25- I start learning how to cook

50- I stop being a lurker on tumblr

100- I will get 7+ hours of sleep a night

150- I make a lip care routine for me

200- I start writing fic (on my main @secretlynotablog)

350- I make and stick to a skin care routine

500- I’ll eat healthy food

750- I get out of bed at a decent time (9:30 am)

1,000- I get back into baking

1,500- I get back into photography

2,000- I’ll start going on a walk every day again

5,000- I’ll start trying to get a job

10,000- I’ll learn how to figure skate

15,000- I’ll begin going to therapy again

20,000- My cousin hooks me up with one of her besties.

50,000- I actually take myself out somewhere and enjoy myself

(Goals are subject to change. Haha Losers.)

Well unfortunately an rp blog has found this

@the-obsidian-king @the-god-of-sun @that-one-flower-prince @thunder-pants @goddess-of-wisdomandwar @god-of-fire-ig @godlyupsguy @typhonismyfavoriteson @a-dawn-goddess @blessing-of-fortune @bringer-of-divine-retribution @dionysus-godofwineandmadness @im-aphrodite-dearies @little-underworld-lord @lordofsummergodofrizz @leotheflameohotman @mr-brunner-offical @oneofaphroditesmanykids @one-of-apollos @pallas-athene-wargoddess @punkassthalia @percys-blue-food-vendor @possibly-astraeus @roman-goddess-of-war @s0n-of-the-sun @unproblematic-hestia @zoe-can-see-the-stars-again

@brodiedoesthings u know who to call

@amagnificentobsession CALL IN THE DOGS

@docdust @loretta-dont-you-oppress-me @i-dream-of-sheeny @curlish @andagon @trans-darbie @god-wednesday @gandalf-big-oos @the-metatron @furfurs-fotos @duchess-shax @dream-of-pain @e-w-w-morningstar @violet-yimlat @avis-morningstar @one-coming-is-enough @pissylittlebirdboy @muriel-not-the-dim-one @god-in-the-basement @angelo-rib-shack @angelo-chuck-wagon @sliceocheese @kleenexwoman

Maybe now I can raise my hand and say that I think for a while the movies today are sexless crowd has been weird about what constitutes desire onscreen or not and there's a lot of misdiagnosis in the criticism of why there's desire absent onscreen that centres heavily on whether or not people fuck in certain ways or certain bodies that is a) boring as fuck and b) a total misunderstanding of what constitutes eroticism

Like, the reason you find movies from the 70s sexier is not because the people have normal human bodies alone, or that there are imperfections, it's that everything about film itself was designed very differently and stylistically then. The cuts are slower, the film language and pacing is allowed to be slower, the tension is allowed to build at an agonising pace, people are allowed to look and see each other - there's full on eye contact for minutes at a go - a single scene lasts more than a few minutes, the music meanders more and resists typical emotional manipulations via high levels of stimulation, the lighting is different (see also: the rosy, soft tone film light takes on in some older movies during romantic scenes). All of these things are crucial for you to become immersed in desire, rather than experiencing a fleeting moment of horny at seeing Steve Rogers' titty and then immediately and swiftly being thrown into plot with loud music, nakedly designed to play on your emotional states, blares at you.

Watching the reactions to Roger Corman's death and it seems hard to explain who he was to people who don't know him. "So he was a producer of shitty b-movies?" Yes! And he's responsible for the careers of dozens of directors, actors, and other filmmakers and is pretty inarguably one of the single most important people in modern film. By making shitty b-movies

In a time where studios micromanage everything filmmakers do (and that started all the way back in the 80s - the early to mid 70s were more an oasis from the norm than the norm in terms of freedom) it's amazing to remember that there was a guy who went "here's some money to make a movie. Don't go over it, make sure you include the quota of violence and sex, otherwise go nuts", and also the guy he was saying that to was like, Martin Scorsese

You know what I feel like gets lowkey overlooked a lot in Stony?

The age difference. Like.... Steve is in his late 20s (physically, not counting the years in the ice) and Tony is in his 40s. This isn't a massive difference, but it is definitely a noticeable one. It's brought up in some fics, but a lot of the time, it's just ignored.

I know I'm guilty of this. I just don't really think about it most of the time 🤷‍♀️ Anyway, no real point here, just a thought.

My favorite way to describe the ship is "Someone's robbing the cradle, but it's nearly impossible to decide who it is."

i think I have a sort of variety of frequencies in here? while still being hyperspecific? it was hard to choose.

Marvel: And Steve Rogers travelled back to the past to have his happily ever after with Peggy.

Fandom: NUH HUH

life actually gets better when you leave the house consistently btw like im serious

if you don't know where to go, just wander! go to the store and don't buy anything, go to the library just to sit and do whatever you were going to do at home, go to a park and just walk around/sit outside for a bit (weather permitting, of course)

just put some headphones in and walk around the block a couple times if you really have nothing else to do, just getting a bit of air and change of scenery is so good for you

me the first few weeks of forcing myself to go on daily walks (it gets better tho)

i really need tumblr to learn the concept of “if you physically cannot do this then this post is not talking about you” because jesus christ.

@a-spectacular-pigeon you get it.

(via Republicans are groomers. : Fuckthealtright)

Most of the private schools around here (Midatlantic US) are religious, as in actually part of some church. And I mean, cultural school is fine. Religious school is fine. Teach your kids about your people. Send them to Baptist class on Friday afternoon so they can learn about casseroles and sing Michael Row Your Boat. Do the Sunday school thing.

The rest of the week send them to normal school with everybody. Do you have any notion what a public school can do with the amount of money you spend on private tuition? Just give that to the normal school, it’s allowed. They get more out of every penny, and they’ll do a better job teaching your kids too.

Those little private schools aren’t safer. All the same hazards, with less oversight… you just don’t hear about it in the news.

the world needs to see this tweet

A problem trope that both Stargate and Star Trek has that I find very annoying is when one character says, "You guys, I know this is crazy, but I think I'm (seeing ghosts/hearing dead people/jumping dimensions)" and their friends - who have dealt with being possessed, body swap, time travel, time loops, monsters, demons, telepathic aliens, etc - all say, "You're probably just tired, go take a nap."

If you're in a scifi world and your friend says, "Guys, I think my dead grandpa is in the corner," you go DEFCON 1 and lockdown your base/starship and quarantine your pal until you know what the hell is going on.

on some level it would be really fun to insert myself into the rp because I become more and more a cartoon character every day

now, I'd have no excuse to interact with anyone, so for what it matters maybe she does exist, she just has no friends and is oblivious to the fae trying to reach her

You could always send @one-coming-is-enough some kind of ask and plop yourself in that way. He's used to randos wanting things.