Hello Friend

this is peak Craigslist

I want to know if they got answers. 

I really wanna know how this turned out.

Just so you guys know.

cracking open 500 cold ones with the dads

oh BABY this Fucks

The way they say “shrubbery” gets me e v e r y time

*adds a 😳 to the end of a slightly panicked sentence*

the reactor core is above nominal temperature 😳

Now he’ll be strong enough to punch a hole in half of all the drywall in existence

I can’t wait until like twenty years after weed is fully legalized and nobody cares anymore and comedians have to make real movies with real jokes

it’s uhhhhh feeling cute friday (:

Bro, it’s Thursday

wow it. it really is huh

Wolves React To Gamekeeper Who Had Been Away On Maternity Leave

“WHERE’S YOUR PUPPY! WE WANNA SEE YOUR PUPPY! DID YOU JUST HAVE THE ONE? DO YOU HAVE THEM WITH YOU? ARE THERE PHOTOS?”

I’m not a hundred percent positive but I’m pretty sure this is the wild life center where I visited wolves.

And the safety briefing included the question “So if you’re pregnant, do you want to know or not?”

Turns out there had been a bit of an awkward situation once where the keepers had casually mentioned a woman’s pregnancy in a group, and she herself didn’t even know yet. Turns out the wolves are excellent at telling if you’re pregnant and the keepers can tell based on their body language.  They get all odd and careful around pregnancy. (Even wolves knows that you have to take care of pregnant people.)

So they definitely knew she was pregnant.

And if I remember my BBC documentaries right, a wolf will leave the pack to give birth and introduce the cubs to the pack once she feels ready for it. And maternity leave is flexible but often around 6 months so they’re going “YOU WERE GONE FOREVER! WE WERE SO WORRIED! WHERE ARE THE CUBS?? WE HAVE TO GREET THE CUBS!!“ 

Also the two on her back are fighting over who gets to greet her first. Giving and receiving attention is a commodity that goes by hierarchy and if you don’t accept that there will be scuffles.. The wolf lying down next to her isn’t chill about her coming back, it’s just submissive to the other wolves and waiting for it’s turn to show excitement.

Now I can see why we domesticated these adorable jerks.

Wolf packs have maternity leave?

Wolves: better than American companies.

Reblogging yet again for the most recent comment - a-fucking-men.

Making people laugh literally raises my happiness level

you ever go fuck it and slap your own ass

not in a horny way more like a cowboy slapping his horses hindquarters to jostle it along but in this scenario you are both horse and rider combined into one vaguely stressed and very fast creature

I am a cowboy slapping his horse’s ass and I am the cowboy and I am the horse’s ass and I am a witness watching it

someone: Christmas is so beautiful!!!

me: EVERYTHING IS BROWN

This isn’t some cynical “everything sucks and happiness doesn’t exist” post I’m just red green colorblind

I feel like I’m going to hell for laughing at that development… I thought you were talking about the weather to begin with…

grass and trees and flowers are brown and look dead to me year round

omg

Human ignorance has gotten to the point where I can’t tell if it’s trolls anymore

THE MOST PURE!!!

No one talks about how lonely healing can feel

SHEDDING DEAD SKIN ONLY REVEALS THE SENSITIVE SKIN BENEATH THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TOUCH THE ONES YOU LOVE WITH WHOLLY NEW HANDS

I’ve been slipping pennies into my friends pockets every time I see him for 5 full months. i’ve been waiting for him to notice and he FINALLY caught me today and he said he said the words, I am not kidding, “haha you would be a bad pick pocket” and I looked him in the eyes and said “oh YEAH?” and told him to check for two pennies in his other pocket and he did and i watched his world crumble

I think the best part about this long haul prank is the gentle “clink clink"of him rustling the pennies in mild confusion every single  time after I slip them in there