tommyinnit, known america hater, is finally receiving divine punishment in the form of watching his best friend be successfully wooed by known american ranboo

Tommy: i hate amaricans

Tommy: i hate men

Tommy: i hate tiktok

The universe: Mhm, keep going

Tommy: well i'm a bit sensitive about my height

Tommy: and i find it annoying when people have deeper voices than me

Tommy: i suppose i don't really like technoblade at the moment

The universe: and how do you feel about cat ears

Tommy: awful!

The universe: That's perfect :)

AJLDSK TOMMY MANIFESTED RANBOO THROUGH SHEER POWER OF HATE

Ohhhhh twitter wants to ship DNF so bad. That /j isn’t saving you bitch.

being alive is weird as shit and i don't mean that in a suicidal way it's just weird to me that we have random people in authority who are evil and corrupt and we're expected to listen to them. that there are people that are hungry and homeless when food (technically) is free and housing should be given to everybody. that we're all so reliant on money but apparently we don't have enough???? when it's paper and you can just print more bc it doesn't exist????? and everything is man made and made up????? and so on and so forth. like why does this have to be the life we're living

┏┓

┃┃╱╲

┃╱╱╲╲ in this

╱╱╭╮╲╲ house

▔▏┗┛▕▔ we

╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲

love Karl Jacobs

╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲

▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

a good gender neutral term to use is “fool”

John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something

Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body

Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands

Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE

He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’

Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.

proud of John for restraining himself from murdering a man on camera

What’s so horrifying about this to me is that this is literally Jerry Seinfeld trying to teach John Mulaney how to gaslight his wife.

Look at that dialogue. “She thinks she knows.” He’s trying to get Mulaney to see his wife’s expertise as instead a weird misperception. He’s coaching him to undercut his wife’s confidence in the truth and her own abilities.

And Mulaney replies exactly the right way: “She does know.” He asserts not only that she’s perceiving the world accurately, but that she is an expert at something he’s not good at.

Dudes, don’t take this shit from other dudes. Mulaney isn’t by any means perfect but he aced this. Stand for the truth. Defend women’s objectivity. Promote women’s expertise.

Doesnt his wife also work with antiques too?like. Isnt that part of her actual job?

I reblog this every time because I don’t think people understand that Anna is literally an interior designer. She makes absolutely stunning Victorian Lampshades. Which she designs.. for the interior of a home… she’s literally an interior designer. She doesn’t think she’s good at it, she knows she’s good at it because it’s her fucking job

Everyone else: We need a Sherlock joke in an Avengers 4 scene with Tony and Dr. Strange.

Me, an intellectual: We need a Bobby Newport joke in a scene with Peter Quill and Ant-Man.

parks and rec + context what context?

some of you never gave parks and recreation a chance because you have a superiority complex about the office and it shows

dont let tumblr make you think it’s okay to forget about the underground russian mall threat of the 1980s which sought to open a commie hell portal.

Dr. Alexei is the type of person to buy a bottle of water and set it free into the ocean

Feelings. The truth is, for so long, I’d forgotten what those even were. I’ve been stuck in one place, in a cave, you might say. A deep dark cave. And then….

“I get more compliments on the Lip Sync Battle than I do on any of my actual work.”

half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half of me is, well, an asshole

Happy is Morgan’s Jarvis

softly but with feeling: fuck