ao’nung x f! reader.
COMPENDIUM: when secrecy begins to turn potent love into a wilting flower.
WARNINGS: kissing, cussing, fluff and angst.
LOLA SAYS: bit of a necessary filler before the real meat of the story comes into play. i hate this so please leave some constructive criticism. reblogs are also deeply appreciated.
your hands tremble as you intertwine three strands of dried sea grass together. your breathing ragged, as another piercing gash of pain struck though your chest. alone on the sand, in the dark. wondering how it had all lead to this. crying harder, you tug the necklace off your throat — shells and stones came flying off as well as the clasp. you stare at what you’ve done. then, you stand. leaving the remains of it on the shore. the waves will take it, as they took him. it was all over now.
but i’m getting ahead of myself. allow me to divulge into the ever so tumultuous tale of how you got yourself here, in the first place.
“marek? fucking, marek?” ao’nung was pissed.
“what was i supposed to say? it was the best i could come up with.” so were you.
“sure, or here is an idea. you could’ve told them the damn truth!” ao’nungs most favoured eminent statement he had repeated perhaps a dozen times within the precedent nine minutes.
this fight wasn’t going anywhere.
you’d never seen ao’nung so livid. typically, in times of conflict — he was relaxed. composed and stoic. staring down his opposer and indulging in ample beats to elect his proceeding words. now, he was agitated. sweating, rasping, desperately imploring you to hear him. to see him.
you had other ideas. “i won’t ao’nung. i won’t lose my family.” his face creased in a despicable manner. he was aching. “i cannot take what i did back. i know this. but please. your family will come around. they must.” his fists were clenched. his gaze, full of self loathing. it was like he was trying to convince himself. he wasn’t that bad, was he? “ao’nung. look at me.” you interject. he does. “i told you what this was from the start. we die with this. if you want me. you can only have me in secret.” his anger arose once more. “that does not mean you had to go and tell your brothers that you are with marek.” he spoke the boys name as if it were venomous. seething with refutation. his jaw was clenching. he was huffing. moving closer. “i could not have said anything else. telling them the necklace was from tsireya or kiri would not have explained the secrecy.” your eyes brimmed with tears. silence filled the marui. he put his big, calloused hands on your face. bringing you closer. you looked up at him. “fine. we’ll make it work then.” he strained. his words were hollow. desperate, meaningless words from a tired man. his face discredited his truce and underlined the falseness of his acceptance. anguished words from a despaired boy. clinging so urgently to what you had. to you. he was lying. he didn’t want to do this anymore. yet, you mirrored him. you as well, were a demoralised and exhausted girl. thus, you professed. made as if you gave him any credence, and nodded. he pressed his lips to yours — hard. an affirmation, an alleviation. to the grave. why did this feel like goodbye?
contrary to ao’nungs hellish distate, marek was a decent guy. excellent hunter, friendly, cordial. much esteemed by the metkayina. most importantly, he possessed the approval of your family. telling neteyam you and marek were courting was a rash decision. while listening to your siblings ululate and whoop at the counterfeit communiqué was insufferable — the consequences of this aforementioned action bore far heavier consequences. for starters, after the festivities took place, you had to go find marek. explain the situation, get him on board and cross your fingers in a slumbering prayer that he would keep your secret. to summarise it briefly — it went a little like this.
“huh? you told your family what now?” marek’s amusement should have served as reassurance, but it was rather aggravating given the position you were in. “yes, okay. i understand this situation may seem ridiculous, comical even. but i need to know if you’ll help me.” you reply curtly. “i don’t know, yn. might ruin my good boy reputation. being seen around with a fire cracker like yourself.” his side smile faltered when he saw the look of pure defeat you had plastered on your face. he could tell too, you were incredibly tired. “i’ll do it.” he nodded. a sigh of relief you didn’t know you had been holding escaped your lips and for the first time in hours, you allowed your shoulders to slump. “thank you, shit. thank you.” when you opened your eyes you were met with a peculiar peer. marek had stopped polishing the ilu riding geer, and stilled his hands. “look i know it’s none of my business but are you sure your family will–” you don’t let him finish, “marek. please. don’t.” he nods again in acknowledgement, this time looking at his feet. “so you’ll really do it?” you break the silence. marek’s bright smile returns on cue, “sure, i have some time to kill.” grateful, you hug him. he returns it with one arm, rubbing the small of your back. you really needed a hug.
the lie was told. you, marek and a very frustrated ao’nung set some ground rules. a summary is of this is simply unecessary because the vast majority of the interaction consisted of you pushing at ao’nungs chest to keep his fist away from a chipper and upbeat marek. he made sure to mumble “fuckin’ hate perky people” four times not so under his breath. a little to release, and you think a little to underline how different him and marek were. a silent hope that you’d forever prefer him over the boy. you would. oh, but if only others would too.
invites and redundant swooning flooded the next week of your life like a fountain of torment unleashed of restriction. a new pair, one day to be mated. how dazzling. you quite literally wanted to disappear. your siblings, always insisting you bring marek along to any given activity they could possibly conjure into existence. neteyam and lo’ak were keen from the beginning, but there was conflict between you and kiri after the data disclosure. justly, she was upset you hadn’t told her. it took her a few days to get over it.
during hang outs, marek would sling an arm over your shoulder, stand next to you. that’s as much physical contact as ao’nung was willing to allow. although, willing is rather potent term. ao’nung kept his eyes locked on you both every minute of it. watching neteyam laugh with marek, his jealousy spiked. neteyam was all over marek, eager to get acquainted with his little sister’s future mate. making brotherly jokes, asking questions, getting protective and warning marek that if he hurt you he’d tie his tail into a knot. all ao’nung could think was that it should be him. it should be him getting to know your family, it should be him with him with an arm around you, laughing as kiri told him your embarrassing childhood stories. despite insisting to be there every time you were all together, he wouldn’t say a word. chest puffed up and arms crossed. his eyes full of something noxious. regret, envy, pain. a lethal combination. to say the least, the lie was difficult to keep up with.
marek was a good sport. he was extroverted, likeable and easy to communicate with. all qualities that ao’nung did not possess. marek was amiable. organically positive, a light hearted guy. particularly good spirited. you couldn’t stand him. the urge to roll your eyes every time his affable dialogue erupted into song with absolutely each and every person you would cross paths with was becoming unfathomably ardent. finally, the walk of shame had come to it’s termination. you had arrived at your marui. “well, i think today went good.” marek smiled at you. you thought you might vomit. shame, poor boy. “yeah. thank you again.”
when eclipse ultimately came to beckon the day to its end, you were finally freed. lying on ao’nungs chest. his tact felt so different. he was always so, so tense. heartbeat racing, not with excitement — but with the turbulence of his distress. you let your fingers graze over his stomach. he had lost weight. guilt plagued your heart. “what is this doing to us?” you whispered into his skin. he looked down at you. his churning countenance causing your eyebrows to furrow. “you only look good with me.” he stated sternly. his lips were in a tight line. “i know that. you think i enjoy this? any of it? i can’t stand guys like marek. you don’t need to convince me.” you say. exasperated. pretending there were no problems only indented a void between the two of you. ao’nungs eyes soften for the first time in what feels like forever. he sits up, and by effect of aftermath, you do too. “thank, eywa!” he gasps, throwing his head back and laughing. how you missed that booming, boyish laugh. “i was worried, my love. worried that you might end up preferring him. i know i am not as he is.” you smiled sweetly, the reverberations of that energy were ramified with the saccharine gesture of ao’nung smiling back at you. “are you kidding? do you have any idea how thankful i am that you are not as he is? i never would have fallen in love with you.” ao’nung tilted his head as he listened. his eyes glazed with honeyed affection. “walking with him is the worst part–” you stop to giggle, “that boy is friends with everyone! he is nice to people he is not even close with. honestly a nightmare.” ao’nung releases a content sigh. “so you would not rather a go lucky boyfriend like him?” he asks, a glint of insecurity shimmering behind his smile. “never that.” you rub the back of his wrist reassuringly. you feel his hands under your thighs as he tugs you onto his lap. “yeah?” he was smirking now. you put your hands around his neck, playing with the baby curls at the back of his scalp. “you are my only.” he kissed you, he kissed you like a man starved. his tongue evoking the stars to descend and decorate your cheeks. you stayed like this, bathing in the shine of being alive in one another. but eywa had different plans. your limbs entangled as he hauled you into his feathered rib cage, inking his finger prints into your torso — the actions were possible, passionate. but for how much longer still? he was growing tired. his bones were withering from the rotting burden of secrecy.
that following afternoon, carving drift wood by the docks. neteyam was sat beside you, as he skilfully engraved shapes into the pot he was sculpting, he spoke. “listen, about marek.” you rolled your eyes. marek was all anyone wanted to talk about. “are you sure about him?” neteyam finished. you snapped you head in his direction. “what? i thought you liked the guy.” you all but exclaimed. “i do.” he responds cooly. “then what’s this about?” you demand again. “i don’t know, just doesn’t seem like your kind of guy. that’s all. always saw you with someone a little more–” “standoffish?” you inquire. “i was going for reserved. but i guess standoffish, sure. a guy who values exclusivity. someone less… approachable? you were always fond of feeling special.” you raised your eyebrows. your brother knew you well. “but as long as you’re happy, yn. honest. just remember picking a mate doesn’t have to be about making us happy.” you smiled. a true, warm smile. “thank you, brother.”
you pressed a kiss to his cheek. and flew to your feet. you had to find ao’nung. running past the docks and through, you finally reached the peer. you spot him. standing in the water with a tsurak. stroking the animal’s spiked spine. and making his calling sounds, probably attempting to attract more. he had riding geer slung over his shoulder. when you reach the water the splashing makes him turn. “ma ao’nung!” his face scrunches up before he’s catching you mid fall. what were you doing here, hands on him, in broad day light? “i have an idea.” you beamed. “we’re going to tell them?” ao’nung lit up with hope. “what? no way. i was just thinking i could end things with marek now. i have an excuse.” ao’nung didn’t attempt to hide his disappointment. turning his body away from you he let out a passive “ah.” you pulled away from him too. “thought you’d be happy.” it came out a lot more aggressive than you meant it to. “i’m sick of this now.” his voice became low. he was practically growling. “don’t be that way, come on.” you press a kiss to the side of his mouth. he was about to say something, when suddenly his eyes widened. horror, relief, shock. and horror again. you shifted to look where he was looking. tsireya. tsireya holding a basket full of shells not 3 feet away from both of you on the shore, her mouth was agape in stupefaction. her jaw may as well have hit the sand. with a thump, she drops the basket. and dashes to her left. you and ao’nung swiftly snap your heads to look at each other. shit. what now?
