Bruce: Damn, the power went out.
Dick, young: Don’t worry, I got this!
Dick: *shakes himself rapidly and starts to glow*
Bruce: …what?
Dick: I swallowed a glow stick.
Bruce: WHAT?
Renee Montoya: I love this whole good cop-bad cop thing you two have going on.
Jason: It’s not really purposeful. It’s more that Nightwing’s nice and I’m an asshole.
Batman (35): As the oldest here, I should be in charge of making this decision. I simply have more life experience.
Flash (38): I’m three years older than you.
Batman: Wha— You’re fucking what?
Tried creating a small list of the general teams and ages in the DCU. Took some creative liberties.
#Wonder Woman#Diana Prince#Batman#Bruce Wayne#Green Arrow#Oliver Queen#Superman#Clark Kent#Flash#Barry Allen#Starfire#Kid Flash#Wally West#Robin#Nightwing#Dick Grayson#Raven#Rachel Roth#Beast Boy#Superboy#Connor Kent#Red Hood#Jason Todd#Barbara Gordon#Roy Harper#Tim Drake#Damian Wayne#Jonathan Kent#Made up Lucy Quinzel’s hero name.#I know I missed so many. I got lazy
The Batfam’s Ages, In My Opinion
(Obviously there’s no real answer because the comics have been re-done and changed many times. Realistically, I would’ve made them older—Especially Bruce—but I took into consideration their physical fitness. Let’s be honest, Bruce couldn’t fight crime like he does at 50-years-old.)
Alfred Pennyworth - 80
Bruce Wayne (Batman) - 42
Selina Kyle (Catwoman) - 38
Kate Kane (Batwoman) - 32
Barbara Gordon (Oracle) - 28
Dick Grayson (Nightwing) - 26
Jason Todd (Red Hood) - 21
Cassandra Cain (Black Bat) - 21
Stephanie Brown (Spoiler) - 19
Tim Drake (Red Robin) - 18
Duke Thomas (The Signal) - 18
Damian Wayne (Robin) - 13
I know I missed some people (Mainly Terry McGinnis and Carrie Kelly), but since they’re future-state, I decided that I couldn’t accurately guess their ages.
Bruce, flipping through pages from an album: Can you recognize your accomplice?
Jason: Eat shit. I’m no snitch, you asshole.
Bruce: If you don’t tell me, I’ll call in Dick.
Jason: Go back, you skipped him.
Bruce: When I met Dick, it was like an angels’ choir announced his presence.
Bruce: I found Jason stealing the tires off my batmobile outside Taco Bell.
Bruce: They’re my pride and joy.
Bruce: Whenever I’m confronted with a problem, and I feel helpless, I look at a picture of my family.
Dick: That’s so nice—
Bruce: And I think If I can deal with these fools, then I can do anything.
Dick: Less nice.
Dick: Let’s work on positive reinforcement. Damian, name one way you can be nice to someone.
Damian: Not stab them.
Dick, handing him $5: Setting the bar a little low, but I’ll allow it!
Bruce: So, Damian is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night. Why, you ask? Because I’ve caught him 5 times now trying to train raccoons to fight.
Damian: You’ll be thanking me when my raccoon battalion saves your life.
Bruce: I saw you doing something on the security cameras—
Jason: Okay, but in my defense, Tim bet me $10 I wouldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Bruce: That’s not what I wanted to—
Bruce: YOU DRANK SHAMPOO?
Dick: I wish you’d just admit it when you make a mistake.
Bruce, stirring his coffee: I actually prefer it with salt.
Jason: There’s no “I” in “Team” but there’s one in “Pizza”.
Dick: So you’re not sharing?
Jason: I’m not sharing.
Tim, after attending one (1) therapy session:
Tim: If you had to choose between Bruce’s life and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you?
Jason: How much are we talking?
Bruce: Excuse me, but—
Tim: Eleven cents.
Jason: Sold.
Bruce:
Jason, being killed: Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance!
Jason, coming back to life: But not for me.
Jason: When I die (again), I want B to lower me into my grave, so he can let me down one last time.