On a more serious note, I want to talk about what happened publicly. I know nobody really sees this blog anymore as it has been several years since I was active, but that might honestly be for the best. I just need to put this on here for my own sake.
I was a minor while active on this blog. I know many people guessed that because I was not as subtle or mature as I thought I was by any means, but it was still something I never admitted to on the blog. I felt like I was being “cool” by getting away with adults believing I was one of them. I’m sorry to everyone I lied to, especially the ones who defended me when someone called me out.
Speaking of defending me, though, I think this particular blog was horrible for my mental health. I could go on for hours about how harsh people are on the Internet, as I think most people could, but this blog was particularly bad about that. I got messages from people calling me the expected things like ‘cringe,’ but I also got ones that were really targeted and presumably directed towards me under the assumption that I was a really incompetent adult. I was not. It wouldn’t have been okay if I was an adult, and I still don’t know that I would be able to handle the type of things I got in my inbox without being bothered by it for a while, but it was worse for me when I was younger.
Unsurprisingly, I already got bullied in school. I think that’s part of why I wanted to have a persona that’s an adult, someone who can go ‘oh well, you don’t matter to me’ to people who are being rude instead of having those people in my face all the time. It was exhausting to try to dismiss those anon messages after a long day of already having people point out everything gross or weird about me in their eyes (and no, I wasn’t open at all about the main focus of this blog. I hated the idea that people would find out about this). I know anon hate is sort of a silly concept, but it really got to me when I was already really struggling.
I still have problems with my identity. I don’t lie about my age outside of a few months sooner or later at most (to avoid making it too obvious) anymore, but I can never settle on a name or look that I want or pronouns or anything that I probably should have down by now. I think stuff like this makes it harder, knowing that I’ve made up little characters for myself to play like Piper. I feel like every identity I try out is more of a character than who I actually am.
I’m sorry this post got way more personal than it needed to, but again, I’m not sure it’ll even reach anyone else. If any minors thinking about entering NSFW spaces because you feel mature enough do see this, leave, honestly. I’m not saying this to ruin your fun, I just know it’ll be ruined if you try to have it now. I can’t even enjoy a lot of this stuff anymore without feeling uncomfortable because of everything that happened on this blog. I’m not saying this as someone who’s way out of touch with the young people or just doesn’t understand how mature you are now.
I’m 18.
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