Look who @robokittens ran into!! 😍

logging in for the first time in uh several years just to make sure any of you lunatics still following this dead blog get to see the world's most handsome man

dylan touching alex’s hand in slow-mo | (for some twitter peeps) x

fjord is a bottom and definitely likes his tiddies sucked

yes…that boy files his tusks but keeps his claws long, iykwim

im SCREAMING

my new character: a guy who comments on every vice article talking about how sjws have ruined prostate milking journalism but gets distracted by thoughts of shellfish before he can finish his post.

I.want.winter. (!!)

INTO THE SPIDERVERSE HAS LOTS OF FLASHING LIGHTS WITHOUT ANY WARNING

PLEASE be careful because there is a LOT of flashing lights in this movie (and no warning)

I encourage everyone to reblog this, even if you’re not sensitive, you never know who you could save by informing them of this

Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth on the set of ‘Men in Black’

okay but I did not know that there is a story about f. scott fitzgerald nervously showing ernest hemingway his penis because zelda said he couldn’t satisfy a woman with it and ernest hemingway was like “lol no dude you’re fine”

what are the modernists even

the best part of that story in context is that before they pull out their dicks, hemingway spends the better part of a chapter physically describing fitzgerald in great detail, claiming to be grossed out by him but obviously, obviously uncomfortably attracted

oh my god, it got better. I just went to find an excerpt and

ernest hemingway calm down and control your thirst a little

“The mouth worried you until you knew him and then it worried you more“ is a hell of a line 

No Homo: A Literary Masterpiece

Lesser known forms of shipping:

I feel both so played and also so educated.

Like, this is blatant tomfoolery, sir, and somewhat insulting to fandom… But I also respect this position and will use it to disappoint my friends’ faith in me. So, thanks!

I have personally encountered at least one apparently sincere example of every single entry on this list.

Okay, hang on, I’m pulling out my skepticism card. Showmanship is highly specific and feels like it should feel fake, but “The Greatest Showman” is a thing so that’s legit. Anyone who doubts Spaceship really needs to get on your level. But Partisanship/Bipartisanship? Really?

*ahem*

(Okay, the dateable polearms are a glaive and a war-scythe, respectively, so technically it’s not partisanship, but the pun only works with partisans.)

Chance of a lifetime for an epic trick

The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo’s position was LAT 0º 31’ N and LONG 179 30’ W. The date was 31 December 1899.

“Know what this means?” First Mate Payton broke in, “We’re only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line”. Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime.

He called his navigators to the bridge to check & double check the ship’s position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed.

The calm weather & clear night worked in his favor. At mid-night the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many:

The forward part (bow) of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere & in the middle of summer.

The rear (stern) was in the Northern Hemisphere & in the middle of winter.

The date in the aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899.

In the bow (forward) part it was 1 January 1900.

—

This ship was therefore not only in:

Two different days,

Two different months,

Two different years,

Two different seasons

But in two different centuries - all at the same time!

I’m getting my oil changed, sitting in the lobby while I wait, and this lady is talking to the clerk about some kind of payment she needs to make (a store card, maybe? Probably). She asks if she can make her payment in store and the guy says, “Cash payments, yeah.” Lady: “So can I use a debit card?” Clerk: “No, unfortunately, that’s the downside. You can make a payment in store, but it has to be cash.” Lady: “So I can’t use a check or a card?” NO LADY YOU FUCKING CAN’T HE SAID CASH PAYMENTS ONLY TWICE JFC I HATE PEOPLE

(Since tumblr’s reply system sucks, let me try that again on a reblog.)

This reminds me of the single greatest thing I think I’ve ever witnessed.

I was grocery shopping once at a store where their internet was down (or whatever they used like… 15 years ago?… to communicate with credit card companies). There were signs EVERYWHERE that said “No Credit Cards at this time. All purchases are Cash Only.” Big ones at the registers too, but the cashier working my line was also telling every person before ringing them up.

This guy in front of me let the cashier ring him up and then HANDED OVER HIS DEBIT CARD. I am almost certain the cashier didn’t even say anything before calling for a manager, but when the manager got there, she was like, *totally robotic, dead voice of a person who has literally said this a THOUSAND TIMES*, “We’re cash only today.”

The customer said, “That’s a debit card. It’s just like cash.” And he was super condescending about it.

So the manager opened the cash drawer, took out a 5, 10, and a 20 dollar bill and proceeded to study all the bills next to this man’s debit card. I mean, squinting and smoothing her finger over the corners and everything. (My money is on this woman being a theater nerd, lol.)

But anyway, I’m starting to quietly lose it, because this has just turned from annoying to The Best Thing Ever in the blink of an eye.

Finally, the manager goes, “You’re absolutely right, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience, it’s EXACTLY LIKE A 10 DOLLAR BILL.” She opens the drawer, puts the bills away, PUTTING HIS DEBIT CARD ON TOP OF THE PILE OF 10S, and calmly says, “Your remaining balance is (whatever his total was less ten dollars).

Of course the asshole customer lost his fucking mind and started ranting, and I’m sure that manager caught hell for it, but dude. Best Power Move Ever.

I have no idea how it actually ended because the cashier opened a different line to check us out, but man. I will never forget that.

This lady is my hero. May she still be out there, in perfect health, destroying entitled assholes like a wrecking ball.

You’re my present this year.

Y'all need to STOP