Crowley: Are you out of your mind?!
Halt: Since when is that relevant?
Halt: We're an odd bunch, Crowley.
Abelard: You are odd, Halt.
This guy must be the leader of the entire riot. And he’s pretty smart. That’s probably bad for my life expectancy.
-- Will, about Halt
[During a game show]
George: And so, to our first contender. Good evening, your name please?
Will: Uh, good evening.
George: In the first heat your chosen subject was "answering questions before they were asked." This time, you have chosen to "answer the question before last, each time." Is that correct?
Will: Will Treaty.
George: And your time starts...Now! What is paleontology?
Will: Yes, absolutely correct.
George: What's the name of the directory which lists members of the royal family?
Will: A study of old fossils.
George: Correct. Who are Crowley Meratyn and Sir Horace Altman?
Will: Burkes.
George: Correct. What is the difference between a donkey and an ass?
Will: One's a retired Ranger and the other's a member of the royal family.
George: Correct. Complete the quotation "To Be or Not To Be."
Will: They're both the same.
George: Correct. What is Halt O'Carrick famous for?
Will: That is the question.
George: Correct. Who is the present Oberjarl of Skandia?
Will: He's a small man who tells bad jokes.
George: Correct. What do people kneel on in church?
Will: Erak Starfollower.
George: Correct. What do tarantulas prey on?
Will: Hassocks.
George: Correct. What would you use a rip cord to pull open?
Will: Large flies.
George: Correct. What sort of person lives in Redmondt?
Will: A parachute.
George: Correct. What is a jockstrap?
Will: A nutcase.
[Runs out of time]
Halt: I'm sick and tired of being called "mortal", you don't know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It's rude.
More Courier News
It all happened during a farewell ceremony for a retiring Ranger. Bows were raised, arrows nocked, pointed at the sky. A farewell to arms. It was the first and last time the bow salute will ever be used.
The ceremony is best summarized as follows:
21 Rangers killed in 21 bow salute
Will: Don't worry, Horace. I'll be behind you every step of the way.
Will: Waaay behind.
Jenny: Can I take your order?
Gilan: No. I think I'll keep it.
Halt: Sometimes, my wife gets mad at me for behaving wrong in her dreams.
"Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn't even listening."
-- Will Treaty
Crowley: Hi. How are you?
Halt: At minding my own business? Better than most people.
Halt: [grumbles]
Halt: That's the sound of my soul dying.
Crowley: The Ranger Corps appreciates your metaphysical sacrifices.
Horace: Woah, Halt you’ve been mean to everyone today! You need to check your attitude!
Halt: I'll check my attitude after you check your IQ.
Morgarath: You'll pay for that!
Halt: Put it on my tab.
Halt: Who are you?
Crowley: I'm you. But happier.
Things Alyss deserved:
1) Not THAT
Halt: Abelard, can you pick me up? I’m at a party and there’s someone funnier than me.
Abelard: No surprise there.