Today at therapy was really hard. I was sitting here crying, and generally being miserable, when I felt a nudge at my knee. I looked down to see that Zeus, my service dog, was doing his job… and brought me a potato. it is very hard to cry with a gift of potato.

Remember this? I’m having a rough time right now. Zeus has a solution.

That would be an empty pill bottle, the *correct* pill bottle, a bottle of embossing powder, and two, TWO potatoes.

You’re worth at least 2 potato to him and that’s pretty special imo.

I would just like to remind you all that *I don’t own any potatoes* and I have no clue where he’s getting them from.

thank you natasha for being the only female representation we had in avengers for such a long time

thank you natasha for showing us we don’t need actual powers to be superheroes

thank you for still being a great character even though the production of the movies always tried to sexualize you and pass the image that you were nothing more, always making you flirt with all the male characters. but we know you’re way more

natasha romanoff was pretty much the first female superhero i ever saw in a movie and this will always mean a lot

now we have carol, we have wanda, we have gamora, we have valkyrie, we have nebula but there was a time we only had natasha romanoff

Sebastian Stan like me in life

This is the cutest thing I have ever seen

this is a lot

that baby/young elephant is so cute I love animals

Don’t ignore the baby.

Elephants are so precious ✨

I love him

ASOUE as “The Office”gifs

Esme Squalor 

Violet Baudelaire

Mr. Poe 

Lemony Snicket 

Klaus Baudelaire 

Count Olaf 

Duncan Quagmire 

Isadora Quagmire 

Sunny Baudelaire 

Carmelita Spats 

Quigley Quagmire 

Olaf’s Associates throughout the series 

The Baudelaire’s every time Olaf shows up 

me every time I kill a bug: that’s right motherfucker, tell your friends. 👊🏼

STANLEY CUP CHAMPS

GUYS MY BABIES ARE CHAMPS!!! THEY WORKED SO HARD AND I AM SO PROUD!!! AFTER 17 YEARS OVI IS A STANLEY CUP CHAMP

CONGRATS TO YOUR 2018 STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS, THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS!!!

BURKY'S SMILE HOLDING THAT CUP 😍😍😍

what if…what if Steve is in the middle of saying “I can do this all day” and just-

“I..c-can do t…”

and just-

an…and then Bucky is kneeling before him and he smiles while crying and just-

“Remember what I told you…”

stOP MAGGIE WHAT THE HELL

OMyGoDD and then Tony flying in too late and he remembers the dream he had in Age of Ultron and just-

“I- I could’ve saved him…”

This is cursed….I’m gonna go cry now

Oh shit and then Peggy smiles at him and just-

“Welcome Home Soldier.”

Noooo!! Stop! Please!

And…shit I’m a crying mess right now not gonna lie…they all remember what he said and wait for him to get up and just-

the phrase “curiosity killed the cat” is actually not the full phrase it actually is “curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back” so don’t let anyone tell you not to be a curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world uwu

See also:

Blood is thicker than water The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Meaning that relationships formed by choice are stronger than those formed by birth.

Let’s not forget that “Jack of all trades, master of none” ends with “But better than a master of one.”

It means that being equally good/average at everything is much better than being perfect at one thing and sucking at everything else. So don’t worry if you’re not perfect at something you do! Being okay is better!

These made me feel better

Also, “great minds think alike” ends with “but fools rarely differ”

It goes to show that conformity isn’t always a good thing. And that just because more than one person has the same idea, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea.

what the fuck why haven’t i heard the full version to any of these 

“Birds of a feather flock together” ends with “until the cat comes.”

It’s actually a warning about fair-weather friends, not an assessment of how complementary people are.

I’ve always felt like these were cut down on purpose.

I really like these phrases and plan on spreading this knowledge.

The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I want to make designs out of these.

Funny how all the half-finished ones encourage uniformity and upholding the status-quo, while the complete proverbs encourage like…living exciting, eclectic lives driven by choice and personal passion.

NICE

The legendary thread is back

say what you want, but this shit was as good if not better than the scene in legally blonde when elle wins her case

i really love our generation’s joke trend of like, very calm but incredibly inflated hyperbole. like nobody says “oh she’s pretty” anymore we say “i would willingly let her murder me” and everyone is just like “lol same”

i think “same” is also great and “me,” i love when somebody reblogs a picture of like, a lizard, and just says “me” and we all know exactly what they mean. the current online Humor Discourse is remarkable because we trade exclusively in metaphors and implications and nobody ever, ever says anything outright and yet EVERYBODY understands each other perfectly

// @antlered-kitten

This reminds me of the time when I was on vacation with my family and we were hiking, and after using a rest stop, the conversation turned to the grossness of outhouses and port-a-potties, and I said that if I ever got splashback from a port-a-potty, “my soul would depart my body.” My parents found that hilarious, and my dad commented that my generation can be so clever with words bc he would only think to say something like “It would be disgusting” which doesn’t convey the sentiment nearly as well as “my soul would depart my body.”

Adjacent but relevant is Tia Baheri’s “Your Ability to Can Even: A Defense of Internet Linguistics”

I find this so intriguing because it opens up so many possibilities for future writers to connect with their readers.

Does that mean we’re literally “Darmok and Jalad”-ing language? We speak in stories and references and memes, never saying what’s actually going on, just making reference to other things.

Yes.

Isn’t it beautiful. 

@impressionablelizards

And you expressed that point by verbing the phrase “Darmok and Jalad,” which is itself a pop culture reference. Linguistic ouroboroses are my favorite thing, guys.

watching the crimes of grindelwald trailer like

YOU CAN’T APPARATE IN HOGWARTS

PLEASE GIVE THIS CHILD AN OSCAR, OR 12

get you a man who can do both

one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel

Y'all, it gets better. She found out.

We interviewed her, obviously.

update:

LOL

This is the best!

OH SHIT IT’S THE POST

fucking christ I am sobbing

“If the men find out we can shapeshift, they’re going to tell the church!“

i didnt learn anything about contouring but that’s okay

Do yourself a favour and watch this. I am sobbing with laughter at one a clock in the morning, i literally had to stop the video because I couldn’t see through my tears of mirth.

PRESS PLAY. 

IF YOU DO NOT WATCH THIS

YOU ARE MISSING OUT

i still have no idea how to fuckin contour but there are much more important things for this person to teach you

you know, when i said i wanted the real world to be more like harry potter i just meant the teleportation and the butterbeer, not the entire plot of book 5 where the government refuses to do anything about a deadly threat so the teenagers have to rise up and fight back