god today i ID’d an old dude buyin booze and he pulled out a fake ID with an elvis pic, then laughed and pulled out a matching one but with curly from three stooges on it, and im like okay please and he finally pulled out his real license and his legal name was steve sinner

that was the devil

Ultimately i am jealous of nepotism babies i want a nothing life too

running a fool’s errand y’all need anything?

*deletes personal post* rule 1 of tumblr never show weakness

unless its for the bit

unless its for the bit.

“You’re not for the streets Pricilla.”

Absolutely

Apparently people are claiming the term “chronically online” is problematic because it downplays the struggles of chronic illness. and as a chronically ill person lemme just say that take is the definition of being chronically online

truly can’t get over how much everybody dunked on tumblr for banning porn and yet in 2022 this is the last bastion of social media sites where you are allowed to say tits without being blasted into space

Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill it feels good to be on top

Maim murder violence rage, 10000 sun cock punch

To be clear though, it would still be better if they brought the tits back.

alright i’ll bite. what is morbious

this

Every single cop show is like oh look how these cool badass protags just wanna do their job but the obnoxious pencil-pushers back at the office keep getting in the way by trying to make them follow due conduct and the very obvious criminal keeps maliciously obstructing them by invoking their legal rights and wouldn't they be able to do their job so much better and faster if they were allowed to just follow their gut and do whatever it takes to arrest the person they already pinned down as the dangerous criminal? And then people eat it up and go on the internet to make youtube comments about how refusing to speak with the cops without a lawyer is extremely suspicious behavior.

hello my fellow employed people lets get a disease

ok im gonna be honest guys. i wasnt even thinking about covid when i made this post. i meant a different nonspecific disease

might try this one day

let us know when you make the first one bud

please don't rush me i'm still learning which buttons i can press

running a fool’s errand y’all need anything?

Uh some gold would be cool but I'll settle for a sprite

Some magic beans maybe?

Just in case anyone else was curious.

This is kind of horrifying

holy shit

fucking destroyed

looks like we have a new king

get a load of this

“I can fix him” this “I can make him worse” that Pathetic. I can love him so much that it changes the course of the entire narrative.

being 25 is just realizing over and over again that you play a myriad of important and complex roles in other people’s lives and they genuinely respect you and rely on you even though you eternally see yourself as a raccoon in a propeller hat who has been sent to the principal’s office for high crimes and misdemeanors 

i saw the image of a raccoon in a propeller hat so vividly i had to draw it