abt to see Cats and my friend and I are the only two people in the theater wish me luck blease
observations:
-the female cats wear makeup
-they alternate between walking like people and crawling
-the cats are cat sized. there are mice, which are supposed to be mice sized, but they’re sized as if the cats are as big as humans, so they’re way smaller than they should be
-the horrible human cats are, in some cases, owned by people
-some of the female cats have sort of titties. but only some
-there are also humanoid roaches and the cats just gobble those bad boys up
-one of the cats unzips her skin at one point to reveal another, sparklier cat undernwath
-a few of the cats have fur coats
-a cat gets fatshamed. a lot
-at one point theres a joke about the jason derulo cat getting neutred, implying these humanoid cats get forcibly neutred by their owners
-jason derulo looks genuinely excited to be there. you can tell he’s hyped to be part of this movie
-his catsona almost puts the main cats foot in his mouth at one point. bad
-theres a milk bar. for the cats. but its not cat sized. its human sized
-you hear a dog at one point, and the thought of what it might look like made me start sweating. thankfully you only hear it
-the cats have totally normal, hairless human hands. despite this, one of the cats extends their claws at one point
-the cats dont (thank god) have genitals, but at two seperate points in the movie a cat crushes his invisible balls
-one of the cats can do magic, which isn’t explained at all. everyone’s just like “oh yeah thats the magic cat. he can do magic”
-at this point i was convinced the movie had to be almost over, so i checked the time. it had been 40 minutes since the start
-most cats are barefoot, but two wear little cat sneakers
-the cats rub their heads against each other to show affection, making several moments that are supposed to be serious really unsettling
-ian mckellan laps water out of a bowl with his human tongue. his cat name is asparagus.
-theres a cat who works on a train. he has a job there. he wears a uniform. i love him
-he also has little cat tap shoes
-i appearently saw the version that was rushed to theaters, because judi dench is wearing a wedding ring
-they get catnip sprinkled on them which makes them horny. not recounting this part in any detail because its horrible to think about
-taylor swift sings “macavity’s a ginger cat” and then idris elba comes on and he’s dark brown
-a cat learns telekinesis through the power of song
-at the end of the movie, the judi dench cat stares directly into the camera and sings at you. i literally can’t communicate what emotion this made me feel but it wasn’t good.
-i left the theater with a headache & that feeling you get when you wake up from a nap and you’re not sure what day it is. please go see it
