“magic isnt real” — plants just grow out of the ground. for free. everywhere.

"It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works."

-Terry Pratchett

IM LAUGHING SO HARD I DIDNT THINK SEXUAL DESIRE WAS A REAL THING LIKE I ALWAYS SAW PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY WANTED SEX BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE JOKING OR EXAGGERATING OR SOMETHING THATS WHY IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO REALIZE I WAS ACE BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WENT WITHOUT SAYING SEX ISNT THAT IMPORTANT IM 19 YEARS OLD I CANT STOP LAUGHING LITERALLY 99% OF THE POPULATION EXPERIENCES SEXUAL DESIRE AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE

This is pretty much the definition of being an ace person, tbh, and I’m so glad.

#I thought it was an exaggeration for literal years (via sonickitty)

this is literally the #that sounds fake but okay meme im dying

#ME#I THOUGHT SEXUAL ATTRACTION WAS RARE#AKA#HOW TO FIND OUT YOU’RE DEMI (via @miseryauthoress)

Honestly, every single cheating plotline never made sense because “but why do you have to have sex with them? just don’t??”

^^^^ Every single cheating plot line ever I was like: What is so hard about keeping your pants on what is your problem??

…do you have any idea how hard it is to do literary criticism that will get published when your reaction to at least 75% of character motivations is this makes no sense whatsoever why do they even care? 

When people ask you why you don’t date someone just to try, and when you answer that well you’re not interested in that person, they explain that usually you don’t like the person at first, but you might fall in love after having dated a little while

and you’re just?????? but what?????????? is the point of dating someone if you don’t like them?????????????? 

what do you mean the point is making out and sex????????? why would i want to do that with someone i don’t already like?????????

I have literally experienced all of these.

^Same

one of the most important things, perhaps the most important thing I have learned in my life is that nice people can fuck each other up in monstrous ways. people can be bone deep kind and loving and self reflective and still lash out under pressure. people can be earnestly neighbourly and charitable and hospitable and generous and still find themselves in situations where they become selfish. people can be well meaning and easygoing and gregarious and hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies under the right conditions. nobody is just one thing, and nobody stays one way. every person is a kaleidoscope and they will surprise you. you will surprise yourself. it's not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse, and it's certainly not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. it is just a fact.

it is so over for me the day hozier makes an achilles reference. all his mixing of greek mythology with the idea that love is an act of violence/defiance against the world and we have yet to hear him make a metaphor out of how batshit achilles went in the iliad ...i think i would spontaneously combust actually.

@doberbutts

I dated a 6'4" bear that drove a cute litte compact car he could barely fit in and I asked him once why he didn't just get a bigger car and he said that he liked the gas mileage plus he mostly picked up skinnier dudes he could squish against the inside when he's making out with them (which he later proved, with me).

Butch 🤝 bear solidarity

As someone who took etiquette lessons, politeness is an incredibly effective tool for disarming bigots. You can either force them to reconsider their words/actions by directly and calmly confronting their behavior (by using the rules of society in your favor), or you can dip entirely while they appear to be in the wrong.

Both options are great.

Because the thing is, when bigots pick fights, they are 100% counting on you to get louder than them. Or meaner. They want you to react emotionally and provide fodder for their 'You're Too Emotionally Immature To Understand' cannon.

What they aren't expecting you to do is say one of the following phrases in a polite, concerned tone:

For those of you who'd are spiteful and/or dealing with Fundamentalists/Evangelicals/generally shitty Christians:

And my all time favorite:

"It sounds to me like there are some seriously dark and angry forces at work in your heart."

(Nothing stops a Christian bigot in their tracks faster than implying the Devil is causing their bigotry. But you MUST be calm, polite, and gentle with your tone and wording. It is absolutely fair to twist the rules and play them at their own game, but you gotta play hard.)

TLDR: It's much faster to use etiquette, politeness, and rhetoric reversal when eviscerating idiots online and in person, because they aren't expecting you to weaponize their behaviors back in their direction. Don't get angry, get spitefully polite! :)

having sex with your friends is so very normal please stop poisoning the youths minds with shame surrounding hooking up with your friends. especially if you’re gay

people are so fucking mad in the notes that adults have sex with each other and aren’t married sometimes. yall are carbon copies of your conservative parents and you’re so proud of it. ewwww

I work cybersecurity, this is like half my job.

the whole vaccine deal tbh

antidepressants

Yes these are all the work of wizards

why am i always sad for christmas

this is a tradition started when i was all of 5 yo and my mom told me “no” for some reason.

your sourdough starter fucking bit me

A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher, available at fine libraries and independent bookstores everywhere!

i think it's so fun that "damn" is such a casual curse word now that it's basically become divorced completely from its original meaning. like oops i dropped my phone, time to invoke the wrath of god about it in the most mildly annoyed tone of voice imaginable.

i was an old hag by the decrepit age of 10

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

Not "belongs to me"; "belongs with me."

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be infertile

Proving a point to my boyfriend.

PLEASE REBLOG if you (male or female) believe it is perfectly okay and natural for a guy of any age to cry

I’ve never hit reblog faster or harder.