i would, can, and WILL die for sydnee mcelroy

For the record this is missing the post where he explains that she didnt go in specifically to harrass the worker. She went in there just to inform something along the lines of " i know you dont have control of this but the sign is misleading and I need to tell your manager" but then the worker started preaching the "true science" and girl had the green light to go to war from there

from the episode “the one where bob comes out as bi” 

I just saw a fanfic author on tiktok advertising their fic like booktok does and peace and love but friend. your real life actual face??? associated with your fic???

listen, as far as y'all are concerned, I am a sentient seal with access to a keyboard, and we’re leaving it at that

ive decided i glow in the dark now

bioluminescence is a choice

when i say my gender changes to the tune of the bit i mean a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and if he can’t then god forbid women do anything

writer’s block (dry) = no desire to write, no ability to write (bearable)

writer’s block (wet) = HUGE desire to write, no ability to write (very evil)

writer's block (humid) = desire to write, no time or energy to write (infuriating)

growing up by the sea really makes you understand why sailors were Like That back in the day. yeah the sea is the love of my life and i'm nothing to her but my heart belongs to her and her alone. she's a cruel, uncaring temptress and she wants to steal me away and eat me alive but to die in her cold, dark abyssal embrace would be such a wonderful way to die.

and there be Creatures in there

one thing about my mutuals is they will be on spectrums. autistic? asexual? aromantic? gender? sexuality? you name it they're on it

“I want to decompose in a bog” well you clearly don’t know the first thing about bogs. Clout chaser

Huge fan of the phrase "get pickled, idiot"

"I want to surrender to the moss" bro the moss is not decomposing you it is just hanging out. you're buddies

all food is "guilt free" to me because i love foods and treats and snacks and drinks forever and ever amen

the english language is truly a wonder

all hail william the werewolf, proto-enby

Diversity win! The werewolf in your village goes by þei

(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)

baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*

my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.

baby: ighbu.

sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!

baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!

sister: exactly!

baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.

my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?

baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.

[a split second goes by]

baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.

me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?

baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.

me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?

baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.

*pronounced like "on" without the n

this comment passes peer review

if i was a court jester i’d flirt with the king at any given opportunity. subtle at first but if he was interested and we’d share banter then i’d sit in his lap. then he would say i’m the funniest silliest little man alive and kiss me with tongue

how could he NOT fall in love with me though like i am literally there making him giggle, daily. a grown man covered in gold and he is just laughing at my stupid little jokes. i have that bastard wrapped around my finger. He knows it

all part of the plan

He looks like a dick