Please take the time to read the following to completion
I need to clear the air. I wanna be entirely honest about my actions in the past and what led to me doing them. Trigger warning for mentions of r/pe, a/use and i/cest.
Last year in May, I began a relationship with a nonbinary person by the name of Johanna over Discord. We were together for approximately 10 months, during which time I emotionally abused them by cheating on them continuously throughout the relationship. I knew it was an awful, cruel, and senseless thing to do to a person, especially knowing their trauma and issues revolving around trust. I also gave them dysphoria by refusing to perform specific sexual acts, simply because I had a poor experience with it in the past. This was incredibly selfish of me because of how much they went out of their comfort zone for me. I created a character named Orson, who was a gross strawman of the aggressive black Male character trope, which offended them greatly as a person of color. I knew the character was wrong, but I refused to change or get rid of him. On top of this, I had porn in a folder on my PC containing images depicting rape and incestuous actions. When confronted about it, I said it was to cope with actions used against me in my youth, but provided no evidence. I realize how it would sound like I was lying in order to defend myself but that is not the case. In truth, starting when I was 10 years old and ending when I was 12, I was blackmailed by my next door neighbors into performing sexual acts, both by myself and upon my younger brother. This in no way absolves me of the disgusting content I stored on my computer, I realize this. My brother and I have coped with our issues separately and differently, but the way I went about it only hurt me and reminded me more and more of my trauma, which I further suppressed in order to keep my foolish sense of pride. By keeping and consuming this content, I not only hurt Johanna, but I also hurt other survivors of rape, abuse, and incest. The reason I am revealing this information is so that people are aware of what I had done and of the people I’ve hurt. I’ve severely damaged the lives of not only my ex, but several of their friends and I alone am responsible for the suffering they are currently going through. Approximately 12 hours after this post goes live, I will be locking my Twitter, Tumblr, and all social media accounts, effectively removing myself and my online presence in order for those I’ve preyed upon to heal, as well give myself the opportunity to become better than I have been before. I don’t want to be forgiven, only given the chance to right my wrongs by any means necessary. I’m deeply and truly sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt and traumatize others. I apologize to Johanna, their friends, and any who are appalled at my actions. Thank you for taking your time to read this and, once again, I apologize profusely to all that I’ve hurt.
I misspoke towards the end of my post. I will not be deleting any posts or accounts, this and all my previous posts will be open to view so that people know the kind of person I am.
Another addendum, on multiple occasions I discussed the idea of being raped as a form of kink fulfillment with Johanna and a person I cheated on them with. This was unhealthy, deranged, and I apologize for making Johanna suffer as a result. I crossed a line and I’m sorry. I also kept images containing lolicon content, alongside being part of a steam group themed after lolicons. This ties into the rape and incest content from before.
