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i'm undercover

@sadandgeek / sadandgeek.tumblr.com

cats, that sexy creature I'm currently obsessing over rn, some other things I find neat }{ late 90's bitch
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spaghettificationandpretzels

Things that real life sex has taught me that isn't in porn :

  • Shaking during sex, no no, not her legs, him. Yeah. It happens to men too, from anticipation and excitement. I only had one partner who used to have that sometimes and the first time it freaked me out lol.
  • Queefing, that has to happen at least once during sex, I mean, air goes in, sorry but it's gonna have to come out.
  • Going too deep actually hurts, oh my fucking god lol. IYKYK. Hitting the cervix feels like ... hmmm. Dying. Yeah, death. Like I felt your penis in my actual guts and now I need to throw up because the cramping is horrendous. Thanks, don't do that again. Does the chick in porn not have a cervix or??? I have literally thrown up from this before, it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced during sex, hands down.
  • That he might lose his boner mid-sex, this one's a big one lol pun intended. And uh, it might not be your fault. Actually most of the time it isn't. And guys, if it does happen, please communicate, it's really not a big deal, at least not for me, Im down to help, and also I can feel it getting softer okay lol don't be lying.
  • Sometimes it can be painful for the guy too, this one's more common for men who have foreskin, at least in my experience.
  • That you can get your period mid-sex, oh man. A sad moment for all of us. But here's the thing, when you're orgasming, everything contracts, and your uterus will contract and unfortunately if you were expecting it, welp, here it is. So yeah, it happens. But that's pretty great, personally i'm able to make my period come faster by masturbating over and over, true story (only if its a day or two away).
  • You can probably orgasm but it's not a given, or taking way longer than you thought. I have ridden dick like my life depended on it because I was felt it annnnnnnnnd it was gone, annnnnd it's back, noooope it's gone.
  • Related to the last point, looking cute when orgasming, sweetie listen, I look like I ran a marathon and like Im about to die (plus im a smoker, imagine that). So that lady in porn who's like *cute voice* oohh I'm coming! ... idk about you but I don't look cute when im about to cum super hard lol.
  • Stopping mid-sex because you don't feel like it anymore.
  • Sometimes it takes forever to get a condom or to put it on, relax dude, no one's judging you, I would rather you don't give me an std or a baby so take your time.
  • There's no shame in asking to put a towel down, fluids, we have those, and we have a lot of those, and sometimes, some of us can unexpectedly squirt, whatever tf that fluid is, it's gonna go everywhere.
  • That female lubrication can have a different color/texture depending on where she's at in her cycle/if she has an infection.
  • Sex is smelly.
  • A lot of us moan louder than we actually want to, to help you out. I have done that before, when bored or when the guy was doing something I didn't really enjoy but he did. Whatever, hey at least I've never faked an orgasm, Im literally not giving you that lol if you suck, you suck sorry. Now ... the reason you prob shouldn't do that is that he's gonna think he's doing something good, when really he isn't. Then he's gonna have sex with someone else, and do the same shit, and she's also not gonna cum. Don't be the reason another lady can't have an orgasm ok.
  • That trying different positions isn't super glamorous. Some hurt, some don't feel like anything, some are awkward. Just because your bestie swears by reverse cowgirl, doesn't mean it'll work for you.
  • That it's ok to stop and take a water and snack break, sorry one sec, Im hypoglycemic.
  • That a lot of the time when you get fucked hard enough, you're shifting, like, quite a bit, and next thing you know you're almost falling off the bed, it's not cute, who cares.
  • That sex can be awkward, uncomfortable, painful, not enjoyable, and that all of that is normal.

I love the blatent honesty in this. Hey kids, it’s Real World issues. Deal with it.

And for the record, I think almost falling off of the bed is hysterical. :)

sign-in-stranger

I love this....

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changelingfangs

Adding this: some people have nerves set up in such a way that hitting the cervix isn't painful (or as painful, depending on how hard hit is or the time of the month or etc., etc.,)

Just because something hurts for one person doesn't mean it does for everyone -- this also goes in reverse. Just because one partner with a cervix enjoyed getting it pounded into oblivion doesn't mean all of your partners will.

Your body is not the blue print.

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anotherdayforchaosfay

And big dick doesn't mean better sex. If they don't wanna injure their partner, they have to be careful. My husband is big, and he takes his time because I have what my gynecologist calls a shallow vagina. It takes a lot of time for the muscles to relax, and that means lots of foreplay. Foreplay can include watching shows with really sexy people (in my case, the Spartacus series), especially if you reserve watching it for when you wanna get things flowing (I cannot watch that show without needing to change my underwear at least once).

Oral sex doesn't help everyone. I haaaaaaaate receiving oral sex unless a dental dam is used. Another option is cutting the top of a condom off and then cutting it lengthwise to lay flat over the genitals. Without it, I will have a yeast infection within a couple hours. My pH is ridiculously sensitive. I know lots of people who suffer this. My husband looooooves giving oral sex, but he also knows it does nothing positive for me.

Use lubricant. I recommend Aloecadabra because it uses all natural food grade ingredients. The other stuff has machine grade ingredients, which is why it gets sticky and causes skin and pH issues. Also, make sure you don't have sex with flavored lube. That shit will fuck you up most unpleasantly.

Oil is not lubricant and will also fuck you up. This includes olive oil! If I read one more smutty story where oil is used, I may scream.

Wash your toys before and after using them.

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i-am-aprl

Power to the people ✊ Yesterday, Dutch police bulldozed the Gaza encampment at the University of Amsterdam. Today, students and staff confronted police and forced them to retreat. Videos: X: Qudsnen and Mariyankhan

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forustothinkistobealive
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polaroidcats

bonus points if you tell me ur answer & country/region in the comments or tags, I'm so curious I would love to know more!!!

under the cut are some examples of what I mean:

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spaghettificationandpretzels
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give-soup-please

raise a glass to the posts you love that end up deleted. to the fanart and fanfics you lose track of and can’t locate. to the blogs you used to look through that ended up unexpectedly disappearing. to the things you didn’t archive because you always assumed they’d be there.

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reptil-enjoyer
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materassassino

This is why reblogs are important. They keep circulating posts even when the blogs are long gone.

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edupunkn00b

And this is why telling artists/writers/creators their work matters means so much. You might be the only one who says it.

It is entirely too easy to get tired or despondent or feel worthless and just give up.

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