all of this is temporary

@dearophelia / dearophelia.tumblr.com

s. she/her.
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best of sara's fic, according to her

Because I’m feeling some kind of way about my cancer lately and wanted to put together a Sara’s Greatest Fic Hits while I’m still around to do it (which is a morbid thing to type, but see the intro: been feeling some kind of way lately).

These range from my most popular fics, to the ones lost to weird posting hours, and everything in between. If I counted correctly, there are 14 fandoms on this list: from Mass Effect and Dragon Age, to Grey’s Anatomy and Stargate SG-1, to The West Wing and Calvin & Hobbes.

I’d appreciate reblogs on this (I am not ashamed to pull the stage iv cancer card here) so it can reach as many people as possible.

I have been writing fic for over 15 years; this is not a short list.

All are rated T or lower unless otherwise indicated. All stories are at or under the 3k mark unless otherwise indicated.

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Hello all, Cath again. I believe I've sent out the zoom link for the memorial to everyone who had reached out to me - if you have not yet received it and would like to attend, please message me @vhenadahls or email memorial.saraofswords@gmail.com and I'll give you the link.

There will be plenty of time for people to share and remember, so please don't feel like you're taking time away from someone else if you want to share. Everyone's presence will be a lot to me, to Sara's parents, and to Sara's memory.

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Zoom Memorial for Sara

Hello everyone, it's Cath again. I am planning a virtual memorial service for Sara that is currently planned for Sunday, February 18th, at 10am Pacific standard time (1pm Eastern time, 6pm GMT).

The intent of this memorial is to give friends of Sara's, both those that I know and those that I don't, the opportunity to spend some time together and share readings, memories, items, or anything else that has given us peace, reminds us of Sara, was important to our relationship with her, or anything else.

I don't want to post the zoom link publicly, so please reach out to me @vhenadahls or email memorial.saraofswords@gmail.com and I will provide it. If you're planning on sharing something, please also let me know that if you can so that I have an idea of how many people would like to, but it's not necessary. You can also send memories, readings, poems, songs, or anything else that you'd like shared by someone else if you're not up for it.

We will record the memorial and find a way to share it, so if there is anyone who would find that meaningful as well or cannot come, that will be available.

Sara meant and means a lot to a whole lot of people, and I'd be honored to have people share this memorial with me.

I will leave this rebloggable, please feel free to share.

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in memoriam

Hi everyone, it's Cath (Logan) again.

Sara was cremated this morning, August 8th, 2023. She had put together a memorial pamphlet that she wanted shared with her friends. Thank you all for being part of Sara's life.

The pamphlet can be found here, and the corresponding playlist from the end of it can be found on Spotify or YouTube.

May Sara's memory be for a blessing for us all.

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Hello all, this is Logan (aka Cath), and Sara wanted to let you know. Sara died peacefully on July 28th, just before 6pm. She was absolutely a light in all our lives, and may her memory be for a blessing for us all.

If you need to contact me or Sara's parents, my blog is @vhenadahls and we'll figure out who needs to know what.

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I love it when people take fic writing seriously. I love when it's not 'Here's this dumb thing I wrote' and instead it's 'Here's this thing I put blood, sweat and tears into. Here's this thing I slaved away at, trying new writing techniques and editing over and over. Here's this dialogue that kept me awake at night. Here's this beautiful turn of phrase I thought up. Here's this thing that I wrote with vulnerability and heart, and I am proud to share it with you.'

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We have GOT to stop being assholes to people with receding and balding hairlines. There's not a single person that it can't affect. It affects trans men, particularly on hormones, it affects trans women, particularly those not on hormones, it affects people with endocrine issues, something that's becoming more prevalent and common, and it can affect people without a particular cause, including cis women. It's a normal part of being human and we NEED to stop dehumanizing and humiliating ppl for it

My bf started losing his hair in his early 20s and the effect it's had on him is devastating.

He's an actor and he was dropped by his agent after he stopped hiding his hair loss. The roles he was cast in narrowed and shifted from more heroic characters to villains, and eventually he became so miserable about it that he stopped going to auditions altogether.

He used to enjoy dyeing his hair bright colours, and he lost that means of self expression. It alienated him from his own appearance, which knocked him back in coming out and exploring his queerness. The way he talks about it often feels dysmorphic. He says shaving makes him feel like he's "rotting" - like he's "scraping the mold off [his] head".

I've seen drunk people and teenagers yell at him in the street and mock his baldness. I've seen people come up to him and slap his head or touch it without asking for permission. I've witnessed this behaviour from other trans people and women who I know would absolutely kick off if he took such a degrading or entitled attitude towards a part of their body, but seem to think it's OK to do it to him.

Since going bald people perceive him as more masculine. He feels people are more suspicious of him. Women are less likely to approach him. Folks are quicker to put him in a box or misread his behaviour as aggressive or threatening, when the reality is that he's neurodivergent and can't conform to rigid social norms.

Baldness is a heavily gendered characteristic. If someone is conventionally masculine enough and/or is protected by other intersecting powers and privileges (eg wealth) then baldness can reinforce their maleness and the harm to their social standing is minimised. But if their performance of maleness is complicated by something like queerness or disability, it creates a dissonance. They have what is perceived as a hypermasculine trait standing in sharp contrast with their refusal/failure to perform normative, idealised masculinity.

And that's how baldness is typically read - as failure. Especially when it exists outside of wealthy, successful, heterosexual masculinity but tbh even there too - just look at all the jokes about Jeff Bezos' baldness or Elon Musk getting hair plugs. It's similar to insulting Trump over his weight. Like yeah fuck those guys but all you're really doing is revealing to the fat and bald people in your life that you think their bodies are deserving of mockery.

And God help you if you're a bald woman. All women with receding hairlines are at a huge risk from transmisogyny.

Sorry for the essay. Baldness is absolutely a body neutrality issue. It's an ageism issue, and a trans issue, and I WISH there was a broader recognition of this.

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dearophelia

Heyo cancer patient here! I’ve lost my hair four times in the past three years.

Whenever I leave the house, I wear a hat that covers my whole head. Otherwise, people look at me — a 38 year-old bald woman — and immediately clock me as Sick. And then either stare at me trying to figure out what I have, or aggressively avoid looking at me. That’s really fucking rude. It’s also super uncomfortable for me!

The hat helps me not stand out in a crowd, but I wish I didn’t have to wear it to avoid feeling uncomfortable when I leave my house. I wish people would just go “oh, bald woman” and move on with their day.

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rollhistory

Listen, if you interrupt me with a new task while I’m midway through another, you aren’t allowed to be mad when I switch to the new task immediately. You clearly thought the new task was important enough to interrupt me with it!

I am just a little pikmin! You’re the one with the whistle!!

‘You need to learn to prioritise’ no YOU do! You’re the one dishing out tasks!! All I need to do is take things back to the onion!

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