im so fucked up. theres a scene in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (the sequel to hitchhikers guide) where zaphod is rummaging through the ruins of a long-destroyed city on a lifeless, abandoned planet, looking for a way off, and he stumbles upon the crumbling remains of a spaceport, and miraculously one of the crafts is still intact, and there's still a quiet hum of power going into it from a connected cable, and it's making a quiet noise. so he rigs up a makeshift stethoscope and listens, and there's a PA system saying something like "we are very sorry for the delay. we are currently waiting for a restocking on lemon-soaked towlettes, for your hygienic and culinary pleasure. in the meantime, we will be serving coffee and biscuits on the deck." and he finds the remains of the arrivals/deparetures board, translates the dates and does a little math, and discovers the delay has been 900 years. spooky, yeah? but he goes on the ship, hoping he can get it flying, and it's perfectly well-functioning and an android flight attendant comes out and tries to force him to sit in the seating area, continuing to apologize for the delay. and when he gets to the seating area, every seat has a person in it. long-haired, long-nailed, and completely silent, but very much alive. and another android comes out with a tray of coffee and cookies, and all of the people wake up and start screaming in agony as she gives them their snacks. zaphod is terrified, so he runs to the control deck and locks the door behind him, and he finds the autopilot computer, which repeatedly tells him to return to the seating area, and he eventually convinces it to talk to him. "have you seen the planet?" he says, or something to that general effect. "there's no civilization! you're not GETTING a lemon-soaked napkin shipment!" and the autopilot says "the most likely path to us receiving our shipment is to wait until another civilization develops on the planet and they can deliver it. so we have put the passengers in suspended animation, and we wake them up once a year for coffee." and then? and then zaphod's friend who he was looking for shows up and the plot carries on and they don't say another word about the ship (at least, as far as i know from my place a couple chapters later). thats it. some classic Space Horror Of Grand Proportions, a doctor who plot, a twilight zone plot, an scp article, an asimov short story— that, when a ship ran out of a luxury amenity and didn't get it fulfilled quickly, the autopilot ai decided that, regardless of plentiful fuel and safety, the ideal way to deal with the situation is to suspend the lives of all of the passengers, waking them up once a year, until a new civilization could evolve around them to produce napkins— and it takes up about two pages total before being put aside completely!

Just checking.... We all pronounce Miette like My-TAY in our heads, right?

It's "mne-eeh-t." "Mne-eht" said with that soft tongue on the upper palette French sound or "mee-yet". I put the "n" because the pretty tongue roll on the "y" kinda sounds "n"-like to me.

I've been saying it Mee-yet in my head. Like the French word for "crumb."

I recently had surgery, and at the time I came home, I had both my cat and one of my grandma's cats staying with me.

- Within hours of surgery, I wake up from a nap to my cat gently sniffing at my incisions with great alarm.

- I was not allowed to shower the first day after surgery, and the cats, seeing that The Large Cat is not observing its cleaning ritual, decided I must be gravely disabled and compensated by licking all the exposed skin on my arms, face, and legs.

- I currently have to sleep with a pillow over my abdomen because my cat insists on climbing on top of me and covering my incisions with her body while I sleep (which is very sweet but not exactly comfortable without the pillow). She also lays across me facing my bedroom door, presumably on guard for attackers who may try to harm me while I'm sleeping and injured.

That's love. 🐈‍⬛🐈❤️

cats are so very unclear on what is wrong with us but they want to help

Last time I had a really bad migraine my cat curled herself round my head and purred sympathetically, and actually stayed there through two of her normal mealtimes. It wasn't until I was able to stagger to the kitchen and grab a protein bar for myself that she gave a very small, polite miaow to the effect of "while you're up... could you get something for me too?"

She does look exceptionally polite and caring, it has to be said. 💜

dude ive never seen anything like this. howd you even know he was behind that corner.... you know exactly where to flash. here drink this

caveman in a gaming headset at my RGB laden custom pc: Prime Make Grog Head Hurt

well i dont give a shit i need to get into purples

its important to do this every time a museum or school thinks this is a good idea

Did you intentionally make him Cajun before that screencap or was that baked into the prompt already. I ask only because the eyes as green as the bayou got me good

he's naturally australian so i gave him an upgrade

I knew having Redditors cross-train on Tumblr would produce weird fucking magic.

It gets better. This Redditor went the full Goncharov.

Glorbcharov: Dishonor Among AI Thieves

Y’all missed the best part:

Category 5 Glup Shitto event

me doing japanese homework:

wait a minute….

this makes so much more sense now???

Why didn’t this meme come with a translator’s note

The fuck is this?

Those are lyrics from Taylor Swifts song “I hate it here”

I fucking love these videos

This is un-𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐-acceptable. The vending machine, ｂｒｏｋｅ, and robbed me of my 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝓆𝓊𝒶𝓇𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 and now I can't work properly without my 𝓕𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓸 𝓛𝓪𝔂𝓼™. I wanna (𝔰𝔦𝔯) speak to your manager (𝖘𝖎𝖗) 𝙞𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮!

🅂🄸🅁, hello? Does somebody need a new prescription for their 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬? I'm a security guard, not a vending machine guy.

Oh, 𝕛𝕖𝕖𝕫𝕖! I'm so-ɦօ sorry, if you're not the 𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝓪𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓰𝓾𝔂, then, 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 🄵🅄🄲🄺 𝔦𝔰? Because all I see is you ⓟⓐⓝⓢⓨ-⃝ⓐⓢⓢ 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭-𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬 loafin' around everywhere, like, are any of you NPCs programmed with 𝕒𝕟𝕪 bit of responsibility? 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭?

What's a 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚊ꜰᴜᴄᴋᴀ 𝔞𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖙𝖆 𝖉𝖔 to ⒼⒺⓉ ⓈⓄⓂⒺ 🅵🆁🅸🆃🅾-

lmaooo

"faulty accelerator pedal" here means that the cheap plastic dressed to look like a fancy futuristic metal to cover up the cheap plastic pedal thats like an inch wide was cheaply glued on, so it would slip and jam itself into a cheap plastic nook below the dashboard, pinning the cheap pedal to the cheap metal so that the cheap engine would be at full power btw

weird bug meeting

news is looking pretty good lately