What I feel: I love this character very much because they’ve helped me flex my creative muscle and extend my understanding of what makes a character enjoyable and unique, as well as giving me comfort during rough patches and allowing me to relate to them emotionally

What I say: hgngnhg son

John Mulaney was accidentally made immortal in the early 20th century by a witch named Petunia who later turned herself into a dog by accident and John takes it upon himself to care for her to his annoyance because she promised him she’d reverse the spell on his immortality one day

I CAST FUCK YOU

me as a hotel receptionist: *greets guests by playing hotel california but cutting it off right before they say california*

Merriam-Webster is a savage

i only work out with my upper body to carry more bears out of build a bear

dapu ftnk

if you find bones in the forest, sit a bit and listen. they are old and have some good stories to tell. maybe they’ll teach you a spell or two, or explain where the water on our planet came from.

if you find bones by the ocean, run. don’t look back. run, faster, faster. the sea may love you but there are nights where she knows neither mercy nor science, and the bones warn you only once.

boi if you find bones call the police i hate this website so much

this is a piece of creative writing, in case you couldn’t tell from the fact that real bones don’t usually go hey lil’ mama lemme whisper bony secrets in your ear or warn you of the incoming tides like a calcified weather frog.

girl thighs………… exquisite………………..

instead of tiddies…… just say……. mmmmmmm….. teetles

i had a dream last night that mothman was getting sued by the state of west virginia for accidentally breaking light posts and he hired me as his lawyer and in court i was like “now my client is a giant moth so you cant blame him for loving lights” and halfway through my speech i turned to address mothman and saw he was bumping into the courtroom lights and they broke and caused a power outage

i was watching a moth fly around my room and decided to turn on my tv and the first thing that came on screen was a court room scene of a law and order episode and i got fucking whiplash