Tags: Iwaoi, minor angst, implied death
Summary: If Iwaizumi couldn't cope with a loss; how far would he sink?
I want to bring you somewhere.
Oikawa smiled at him, a soft, gentle curl of his lip. He’s glowing- ethereal, he takes Iwaizumi’s hand and engulfs it in a comforting warmth. It’s a blissful peace; a beautiful glow of light from not the sun but just the radiance of his happiness. They walk-slowly, fingers intertwined and shoulders bumping. They walk to a hill; green and low and a fence separating it from the road. People sit on picnic mats under the setting red-blue sky and the atmosphere is almost like a painting; and strokes from the artist painting each expression and feeling with a cool and bubbly pop like champagne on a friday night. Oikawa’s finger’s slide from the groove of Hajime’s fingers out and then in again, but cupped at the fingers so that they could run freely. It felt like butterflies rushing up in his face; an iridescent yellow-ish glow from the setting sun and Oikawa’s gleaming warmth as the wind beat against his beating chest and they ran down, down, down. And then they fell onto the soft and ticklish bed of the grass with their fingers making their way to each other again- as if magnet stuck- and the glow from the setting sun faded into a twinkle of the stars and not yet- Oikawa’s glow that still blinded him when he side eyed or turned.
A meteor shower! A meteor shower Iwa-chan!
Hajime looked up at the sky. The rocks tumbled like falling snowballs over a slope. They brought behind them a trail of spacedust, white and blue and all the beautiful in the world. First there was one, leading the way and shining bright. Then two, three, and four and the entire sky was suddenly full of migrating tumbling rocks. They waved and smiled like celebrities on the red carpet as they flew down past earth. Hajime felt like all the air was trapped in his too-small lungs, compressing and using up all the space and blocking his windpipe like a stopper. He heard Oikawa screaming. He felt the tickle of the grass leave his ankles, leaving a bare itchy feeling. He felt himself stumble up the hill, he saw Oikawa smiling at him. He was so beautiful.
And suddenly Hajime was on the top of the hill, hypnotised and captivated. Oikawa was talking, naming particles and all that. His hands were wide outstretched, eyes glittering a reflection of those millions rocks and stars. More rocks, a tremendous sound of them ripping through the sky. And then finally, a streak of glitter across the blue and the stars falling back into place one, by one, until all the glitter was gone and so were the rocks and simply just the starlit sky.
“Beautiful, “ he felt himself whisper, so softly that no one could hear past the screaming and hoarse cries of the crowd. In the utter chaos, no one could hear him.
Oikawa smiled, again that gentle curl that so fittingly matched that still-glowing aura.
That was so beautiful, Iwa-chan. I’ll remember it forever
Hajime walked home with his waist bumping against the metal fence and his hands in his pockets; cold.
Actually, he doesn’t quite know where he is because, where, indeed, would the ground be an inconsistent cloud where you could stick your foot through the space and never fall, and where would it be that there was no sky or sun or birds but only a neverending cloud that you walk upon and the light from everywhere and nowhere all at once. And there was nothing if you peeked down the holes on the fluff and-Hajime tried to remember high school geography- water vapour- nothing, except a down spiral torrent of blurry before your eyes and you squint but nothing but a brown- or was it green- surface so far down seeming that you would be up in the sky. Hajime laughed, of course, that was an impossibility. (And not yet ruling out that he was on a literal cloud, or at least, he guessed as much. )
Maybe he’s dreaming; maybe he’s delusional. He’s no stranger to those words, after all. Hajime resigns to letting his legs dangle in the sky, letting the cool air brush against his bare calves.
It feels familiar but not scary, nervous but not lost. Hajime wonders if he’s been here before; somewhere in the imagination of his mind or the mist of a daydream. He sat, on the cloud that perhaps was just his own concoction of the mind, his body warm from the light and feet cold against the battering wind.
Iwaizumi turns, Oikawa is running to him. He crashes next to Iwaizumi and sits next to him, legs kicking in the air, laughing, laughing.
“You’re here too Tooru?” Hajime asks, “must be fate.”
Their fingers interlock. Oikawa gives him a sad smile, the kind that leaves you with a swirl of self-actualizing realization- how pity can sting so much harder than anything, the corners of his lips hang loose.
Then, Oikawa looks up at the empty sky- whatever it was- where the light did not blind, and let whispers escape his almost closed lips.
Fate, he murmured, is not at play. If it was, maybe we wouldn’t be here....
And then before Hajime could say anything his eyes opened wide and he grinned, a childish like tug at the corners of his eyes. He got up and started to spin with his arms wide open, feet dancing and bouncing against the cloud as he kicked up white mist and hummed a tuneless melody. It sounded so oddly familiar, like a trot song but melodious in the most awkward of ways. Hajime’s almost 100 percent sure it’s a terrible recreation of some pop song.
Hajime doesn’t dance, not at all- he’s got two left feet. He feels awkward when his limbs that are too bulky for his liking swing and his feet ever so clumsy at steps when it’s not volleyball. He’s not a dancer, not at all. But maybe it was Fate and her slender fingers pulling at the strings, or the equally rhythmless Oikawa that gave him a burst of confidence, so he lets the clouds kick up as he spins and twirls with Oikawa and that garring, tuneless melody.
“Where are you Tooru? Tooru?”
“What’s wrong? I’m here, I’m right here!”
“Tooru? I can’t find you! Where! Where are…..”
“I’m still here, oh god, oh god, I’m right here.”
Hajime wakes up throat dry and eyes dripping tears. He’s sprawled on a disgustingly sticky patent leather couch, the smell of sweat and cigarettes and alcohol overwhelms his senses all at once, with a throbbing headache to partner it.
“G’morning Iwaizumi,” Kuroo; the bar owner and one of Hajime’s few friends, walks over to him and sets a glass of water on the booth table.
Kuroo looks at him for a minute, biting on his lower lip. “You passed out. I let you sleep because you’re too heavy for me to haul up the stairs.”
“That’s it?” Iwaizumi let the cold water burn his throat like acid, watching Kuroo internally contemplate whatever it was he was hiding.
“Well, you also threw up on my bartender.”
Iwaizumi choked. “I-what?”
“Uh, you threw up on Lev. It’s okay though, he wasn’t pissed. He just freaked out and ran to the toilets.”
“It’s okay.” Kuroo gave a smile- the one that let the corner of his lips droop- the same one Oikawa’s given him all this time- suddenly Iwaizumi feels his headache hit again in full force, “it’s that time of year after all. No one expects you to be okay.”
Hajime suddenly feels like laughing. He’s confused- it’s the start of autumn, his favourite season, why wouldn’t he be okay? He looks at Kuroo, about to ask, when suddenly his head stings and his mouth goes dry.
“Oh,” is all he can say. He doesn’t know why.
Kuroo pats him on the back before leaving, “yeah. Anyway, I’ll let you wash up upstairs, you can stay as long as you’d like. Lev doesn’t work today.”
Hajime, you threw up on someone? Wow~ scandalous… who knew you were such an alcoholic..
If fate was real; why did she take you away?
Hajime is not an idiot. He knows, somewhere, buried deep inside him with a lock and key that Oikawa is not here, that Oikawa died two years ago and he wasn’t here anymore.
But sometimes, he forgets, and it’s not his fault. He just can’t help it.