@staff Not exactly the “welcome back to the app store” you were expecting huh

@staff LIED about not banning erotica. Writers absolutely got hit by the purge yesterday. If you ever wrote adult content, you got hit. Now those users have been flagged explicit, are blocked from search, and their stories are being hidden.

Let me make this clear: TUMBLR LIED ABOUT THEIR OWN GUIDELINES. People who were supposed to be safe from the purge got hit.

This is unacceptable. Pedos, nazis, and bots are still overtaking this website. I had to block 2 porn bots that followed me yesterday. But someone who writes fanfiction? THEY GET BLOCKED? Tumblr can’t even follow their own rules and expect us to toe the line. “Do as I say, not as I do.”

what’s that noise. 

sounds like a bunch of rocks hitting each other

i’m going to check

the……. gargoyles…. I think they were……. no, it couldn’t be….

those little guys on the side of the nerds boxes?????? i love them

i like them

boneless Yoshi

Brian: I’ve got a story. I didn’t necessarily lose my cool, but I… Uh… [exhales] Okay, so, there are, um… [searches for the words] brownies that you eat when you are with your family, and there are brownies you eat when you’re not.

Taliesin: I’ve had this kinda story carry out, yeah.

Liam: I gotcha, I gotcha.

Brian: So one night before D&D over at Mary Elizabeth’s and Steve Blum’s house-

Liam: Sure.

Brian: I ate from the plate of brownies that you’re not supposed to eat with your family-

Taliesin: You ate the Bad Brownie.

Brian: I ate the Bad Brownie.

Liam: With walnuts in it, I gotcha.

Brian: With walnuts in it, yes. Um, an eighth of walnuts.

Taliesin and Liam: 

That is so cute.

they got married

what the hell

Need me a freak (loving wife) like dis

I’ve just discovered my new favorite painter, Vittorio Reggianini - those smarter than myself probably already know of him as an Italian painter from the 1800s who made satin look even satiny-er than satin. I just cannot get over how much he loved painting women who were NOT. HAVING. A. MAN’S. SHIT. 

But there was one hottie that everyone seemed to like, and I can’t blame them…

Vittorio knows what the ladies like. 

I’m pretty sure that the women in the background of the third picture are looking at a “lewd” painting. They were sometimes kept by upper class homes in the 1800s. They were kept hidden behind a curtain and only viewed for *ahem* “recreational purposes”. So basically, those ladies are looking at porn while their friend blithely humours Bouffant McShinypants.

This dude was an art god at 2 things:

1. Satin

1. Ladies leaning on a chair making a “can you believe this shit?” face

and I’m here to admire both

This looks like the same group of ladies who are constantly chilling laughing at men I love it

Bard

Sorry but I think I’ll have to retire before I even start working this is just too powerful

you see Ivan, when put scope on clarinet, never miss high notes.

Please stop calling me out.

This was written about me personally. 

I did an experiment. I went to our local grocery store and I apologized to every person I walked past. “Ope! Sorry!” And every single person said, “Oh no, you’re fine!” Nobody asked me what I was sorry for. It was just kind of assumed that I was sorry for existing, and if that isn’t the most midwestern thing I’ve ever heard of, I don’t know what is.

We’re just assuming that whatever it is you “did” we didn’t feel/notice so of course it’s fine, we’re fine cause you’re fine so everyone is fine…?

^^^yes!

i recently got into far cry 5 and i’m so curious about joseph. like he’s a preacher. but also shirtless? a shirtless preacher. he’s a top free preacher. who preaches topless. it’s such a crazy concept to me. like hello children of god witness these holy nips. i just don’t understand. a half clothed preacher. a tatted and shirtless god worshipping man. wild.

guess what i’m thinking about

its kiwi turtles

Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite

beepboop. censorbot approved

“Me, refusing to leave: sir, this is my emotional hell” is a funnier text post than my original one, good job censorbot.

Recoil-operated’s $12 traditional mead:

So one of the most common things I see on my Mead posts is “I’d love to do that, but I don’t have the stuff”

We’ll sit down and buckle up. Because I’m about to show you how to make a $12.56 traditional mead.

Here’s the recipe:

1 gallon Deer Park/spring water. You don’t want distilled.

3 lb or 32 fluid ounces honey.

One package of yeast.

a party balloon.

The cost total is $13.49, but you only need one pack of yeast. So -$0.90.

Let’s begin:

Everything together on a clean work surface, you will need a clean glass. And while not entirely necessary, a measuring cup will be handy.

Pour a cup of water for yourself and drink it. Hydration is important. Also this will allow you headspace.

Remove about ehhhhh, a quart or so of water to drink later.

Trust me. You’re going to want it

Wash your drinking cup and mixing about a teaspoon of honey.

You have two options for yeast, that bread yeast we bought, or professional brewer’s yeast.

They’re both the same price. You can get brewers yeast off of Amazon.

I already have brewer’s yeast, so I’m using brewer’s yeast

Stick that in that honey water.

Stick your honey in some hot water.

Go outside. Breath the free air. Know what it is… To truely live.

Enough of that bitch. Honey’s hot. Put it in the water.

Put the water in the honey too.

Shake the sin out of it.

Put that stuff back in the big bitch.

Shake the sh*t outta it.

Hydrate yourself with the water you removed earlier.

Shank a balloon with a pin.

Add your yeasty honey water.

Balloon it.

Label it.

If your trad mead says anything racist, or anything positive about Hitler. Straighten that sh*t out.

And there you go. $12 (.56) traditional mead. Stick it somewhere dark and leave it alone for a while.

Shake the hell outta it once a day for the first four days. Then let it be until it’s clear.

Update:

Boozification has begun.

Lots of spices and herbs make for nice additions as well.

Good post.

Who the hell are you to tell your sentient trad mead what to think?

I’m it’s creator. I have deemed racism to be sin.

@pastelfurret

could you even imagine a toucan?

or a pelican?

i can’t stop sending this cat to people so I may as well draw him

I absolutely love this cat so I’m glad you did this

have y’all ever had communion bread that was just so….nasty? like i know we have to suffer as christians, but do we really need to have whole wheat bread as the body of christ?

my old church used hawaiian bread. my standards are high

Some old housemates of mine were Syrian Orthodox. At their church different members of the church took turns baking the bread that would be consecrated for the Eucharist. This was all well and good until one woman baked raisin bread. This led to the memorable occasion of a rather flustered priest, who had not seen the bread until that moment, declaring, “This - except for the raisins - is the Body of Christ.”

EXCEPT FOR THE RAISINS omg

Raisins are just dried grapes though, and wine is his blood so really its like a two in one shampoo & conditioner except with jesus

like a two in one shampoo & conditioner except with jesus